Let's talk; Theme: Ableism, how does it look
1. asking someone what is "wrong" with them it's nice to show you care and want to learn more but think about how you might ask or go about this.
2. saying, "You do not look disabled," or "You don't look sick" - this is extremely damaging especially when said as though it is a compliment. It can also make individuals feel like they have to 'prove' their disability.
3. saying a person with a disability is inspirational for doing typical things, such as having a career - this can be very belittling and condescending
4. assuming a physical disability is a product of laziness or lack of exercise or simply not trying hard enough
Let's talk. What experiences have you had with other people? Did you encounter empathy or did you still feel judgmental looks?
Looking forward to ur answers :)
@brightaday
Thank you for making this awesome thread! Super important
- I think people definitely have a hard time knowing how to politely ask about the disabilities people have. For me, I would rather someone ask me what I struggle with or what disabilities/chronic illnesses I have if they would like to learn more vs what is "wrong" with me!
- Very very very damaging and I am thankful that this is on the list for sure
- Agree with this one too. We are not an inspiration for breathing đ
- I actually haven't heard this one before but, sadly, I am not surprised that this is on the list. I have heard of people saying a person is lazy instead of noticing the fatigue to chronic illnesses though
No problem.
I am very sorry that someone has to deal with this kind of thing on a daily basis. We cannot choose how we will be born or how our life will go. However, we can choose not to judge others when we don't know their story and to be good people who have understanding for all the people around us. Differences fill us up. :)
Are all of these comments so "problematic?" Like, do we have to be so sensitive as to require everyone to tiptoe on eggshells around us & if someone is not sensitive enough, is that a disqualification from being in the disabled community?
Sure, people can be clueless when talking to you about your conditions. That's just how they are. IME most of humanity isn't too bright, so it is to be expected. I've caught the "what's wrong with you" question more than once & I've never had a problem with it...for me, it's a chance to tell someone about my Meniére's. And/or my tendinitis. Most people don't know anything about the disease so I consider it a chance for education. More people oughtta know about conditions like mine!
For me, "you don't look sick" is almost a compliment. That too is a chance to educate; we can help normies learn that "sick" does not always mean running sores or being bedbound. If the other person has sufficient intelligence, the right thing to say is "appearances don't necessarily tell you a lot about a person." Not all disabled people are in wheelchairs; not all sick people are stuck at home or in hospital beds, etc. Instead of getting offended, use it as a chance to enlighten someone as to what disability is & how it does not have any particular look. The more normal people know about these issues, the better.
A lot of people have different opinions, but I think we all basically agree that you shouldn't go deep into someone's pain points, whatever they may be. I understand you completely and agree with you. This "you don't look sick" can sometimes hurt a person, I mean, who is a person who is called normal to judge whether I look like I'm sick or not. That has no point. Also, I can't know what your life is like completely, because only you know how you deal with all this and what kind of struggle you are fighting.
Thank u for comment, and all the best! â€ïž
@brightaday. I have invisible illnesses/disabilities. I have experienced numbers2 and 4 that you have listed here. Itâs not just saying those things that makes it hard . People have actually argued with me and shouted at me over it making it hard to discuss with them.
I am very sorry about that. Unfortunately, people sometimes do not know how to behave and how to react to all this. Some do a lot of stupid things out of misunderstanding and maybe even though they have good intentions they make someone feel worthless and sad. I hope that you will come across only good people who will help you and who will be your support because you deserve it.
Thanks for comment! All the best â€ïž