Feel like I'm suffering alone
For about a year I've been suffering from mental breakdowns due to school. I wouldn't concern myself with this trivial stuff if it isn't for this body. I wouldn't stress if I'm homeless if I don't have a body. Wouldn't stress just because I didn't eat. Won't have a bad mood if I'm not sleeping well or eat well. Wouldn't get hurt. Wouldn't feel pain. Wouldn't be physically tired which affect my mental health. In short, I suffer because of this flesh prison I happen to be caged upon. I try not to put the blame onto my bio parents as they seem to genuinely love me, they only seem pretty ignorant. I see them as the suit makers.
I often ask what I do wrong to be born into this limiting material world. Am I punished for something I do when I exist as a formless entity? Is there an evil actor behind all this? Imprisoning souls into bodies and stuff. My questions are still left unanswered. I feel alone in my thoughts. I hate the fact that I'm a social animal and that I need company in order for me to not feel pain in my chest. Yet, I can't find anyone to relate to. This post will probably mostly get ignored as so little people can relate to it.
Well, toodaloo.
@confusedxtrapped Well, yeah we have bodies and we don’t get to choose them, and we are trapped in them. On the other hand you have the short term “gift” of having a body and a mind that can ponder having a body. You have the “luxury” of disliking this body compared to some disembodied self which you assume is superior. And finally you have the gift of a mind that can switch perspective, but that requires being willing to give your ideas some “new space”. Perhaps your disembodied spirt chose this body and this time. Or you may even ponder whether it is worth worrying about. You apparently have no say in the matter. You are here and I’ve been told that you can relieve a lot of suffering by accepting what is, just as it is. Or, go on asking why, why, why and why not, why not, why not. Some people spend their entire lives pondering questions like, “If there is life on Jupiter does it care that I have a car with a flat tire on Wednesday before my meeting and will that cause the earth to spin backwards, and why can’t my astral body keep life on other planets from interfering with my blenders purée setting?” Ok, maybe we ask questions that mak a little more sense, but if it isn’t something we can know for certain isn’t it a bit silly to place all our thought energy in one basket? Gratitude for the fact that you’re here may be a million times better than cursing the universe for being what it is. From my perspective, I’m glad the universe put you here. How you shift your perspective may be very different than mine. We all have questions and we all fill in the blanks of our beliefs in our own ways.
Sending hugs. 💛
I'm sorry that you're going through painful time. But you questioning it and trying to find answers shows your strength and willingness to move forward. Being here and voicing out your thoughts itself is a brave step.
Sometimes, we get caged in our own mind and don't want to be the person we are. We try to find the purpose of our lives. We try to find some part of ourselves in others but that doesn't happen. A lot of times it doesn't. But, your emotions and thoughts are valid. You deserve to be heard and your thoughts deserve to be shared. You might feel alone but probably we all are or maybe that's what we convince ourselves to keep us safe. ✨
I think we all look for company sometimes. It's not your fault at all. There are days when we're unable to find company. On such days, what I try to do is to find other living things I can see apart from humans. Plants and animals. Spending time in nature can sometimes make you feel alive.
And see, we are here too! Under the same sky. Everything is here. Everyone is here. You just need to look. 💛
Here are some cookies for you! 🍪🍪🍪
And I really hope that someday you realise that the light is within you. Also, you're not as invisible as you think.🎈
We build walls to protect ourselves from the sadness, not realising that those same walls keep happiness away too.
There are a lot of people here that you can talk to and I hope you find some positivity in this journey. I wish you healing. 🌱💛
Well said 🫡
I can totally relate with u every thing u mentioned..
@Atharva16
Do you happen to resonate with voidpunk and transhumanism too?
Well both terms are new to me can u explain it in simple words then I can tell
@Atharva16
Voidpunk gives empowerment to people who are being dehumanized by other people. It is also a term for people who don't feel like they're human. Transhumanism aims to upgrade the current human condition.
Well I don't think I resonate because these theories are going over my head I believe that we are all a part of God and we will merge into him when our soul becomes pure and pious just like God and definitely we are soul and not this body and mind we are beyond it. The body dies but soul never.
I think this way I also respect perspective u have
Well both terms are new to me can u explain it in simple words then I will tell
Well both terms are new to me can u explain it in simple words then I will tell
@confusedxtrapped
Well, I get it at the very least. All of what you're saying is the kind of place my thoughts ultimately end up when I have to deal with so much toxicity and wrongness that no rationality could ever answer for it. And maybe I don't have the worst life, I know that I don't have the worst parents, and I'm honestly fortunate in a lot of ways. It's just, all of it feels evil here, Ive seen a lot of things happen to others too, and I know that I'll never find my answers in any sort of human/social/religious institution. Lonely when no one can really relate too. I don't need my body either. I'm ready for an existence that actually warrants being woken up from an eternal sleep for, and if I didn't have all the limitations I was born into, I'd create that existence myself. Especially for all of us who've fallen through and seen through the cracks too many times.
@Torean
Are you an antinatalist? I really need an antinatalist friend to relate to and your thoughts are frighteningly relatable.
@confusedxtrapped
I don't exactly identify as one, but I kinda need an antinatalist friend to relate to also, if that makes sense, because my thoughts go there too. The reason that I don't identify as one is because I don't feel like there's any moral standard that we can actually attach to bringing lives into this world (unless you have a lot of kids)... I just eye it with concern, because I also don't feel that the world is really suitable to bring lives into, especially with current day political and climate problems. I like kids, and always used to assume I'd be a parent, but my thoughts on it have gotten more complex, and with friends having kids lately, I just want to be supportive in ways that I can, despite the fact that the pregnancy news makes me worry for them on the inside... I just try not to show it.
But what I do feel is wrong is when people give others any sort of pressure to have children. I think society does that a lot in various ways, and people do it on an interpersonal level. Most of those pressures effect women most, and I wish women truly had equal rights to men, and there's seriously more to life than marriage, babymaking, and gender roles. Overall, I don't despise the fact that people have kids, but it's just... I feel like I wish more people could understand the things I'm saying here.
@Torean
So are you a moral nihilist? Your outlook tells me that you agree with antinatalist views at least (a moral nihilist that agree with certain aspects of antinatalism sounds contradictory, idk). I toootally understand your point of view. If you like to help vulnerable children, consider foster or adopt a child if you're financially stable and emotionally be able to be there for them. If you're unable to do that, maybe sponsor a child. Wanna keep in touch? We could discuss the darker side of reality and support each other :)
@confusedxtrapped
That sounds like a lot of fun, I'd love to keep in touch with you. :)
Moral nihilism seems kinda extreme to me. Like, some things are always going to be wrong, and it may just be the more extreme stuff that isn't so relative, but still. As for fostering, I wouldn't... I've got too many problems and trust issues for sure. Adopting could be a maybe, but honestly, I think I'm totally good with my current situation, which is a dog and two guinea pigs. ^_^ Plus, I can just be the favorite non-related uncle for all my friends' kids, and sometimes that can be pretty cool.
@confusedxtrapped
@confusedxtrapped Hey, I hear you're going through a tough time with your mental health. It's totally normal to feel frustrated with your body when you're dealing with this stuff. But remember, your body is what allows you to experience all the good things in life too!