Man, I'm so sick and tired of being me. My friends beat me up like a piece of trash, as a joke. I can usually take it and smile back, but this time I warned them of my depression and suicidal thoughts. And I still get beaten up as a rib, given a limp on leg and headache. All that pain and trauma from the heartbreak of not helping me, gave me suicidal thoughts. I have sleep paralysis problems and headaches are my kryptonite. I couldn't sleep for two days after the beatdown. Couldn't find postures because of injured leg and a kick to the groin. What sort of joke is kicking somebody in the privates. Not only that, I thought they would take my mental health seriously. That's an emotional heartbreak for me. I'm not insane enough to suicide, I never was. But I can't help but get overwhelmed by uncontrollable suicidal thoughts. They nearly make me cry and feel like getting killed. Not killing myself, but somebody else doing it. And my friends basically pushed me into the miserable asylum of insane thoughts. Am I really that worthless that people will do things that bring my suicidal side on? I think I might be mistaken, but maybe, just maybe I'm human and have some feelings that get hurt at some point. I can't even sleep properly. I'm afraid of sleeping because of sleep paralysis. I get migraines where I cry for hours because I hate meds and they don't work anyways. I try to do all this with a hectic schedule. I just wanted some appreciation and stuff, but I get misery. Depression even has decreased my intelligence, logical and reasoning skills. I feel so dumb and pathetic that my expectations dictate that I should be dead.