Why does everyone leave me.....

@sparklyseaweed

I feel you, same here :(

@funnyJet4060

I'm glad someone know how it feels... even though nobody should ever have to deal with this. It's very unfair. What is happening to friendships nowadays? Why are people so easy to leave you behind as if it won't hurt anyone? It hurts, it leaves us unable to trust. Someday we might even be too scared to get close to others. I think I'm heading this way...... (╯︵╰,)

@sparklyseaweed

What's happening to friendships is that, unfortunately, people don't seem to be placing as much value on them in this day and age. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm just being old-school in wanting to have a few good life-long friendships in my life that are meaningful ... but I'd rather have a stable group of loyal true friends and stay single the rest of my life.

I think much of the younger generations also might not value true friendships because they are putting on a facade for social media. Ir can be discouraging sometimes to see everyone posting on social media like they are all leading such happy and amazing lives, but that might not be all true.

@AbbyHarris1976

I agree with having a few loyal friends. I try to do the same thing, but nothing works. I give people my trust and just as things are going well they disappear...

The friends I have on Facebook are those I met in person.

@sparklyseaweed

That's happened to me, also. I just have to keep plugging away at it until I find some friends that are true. That friend I mentioned in my earlier post ... had left Chicago, but didn't tell me he was actually moving away from Chicago until over a month after he actually did so. Before that, he had been telling me he was going on a road trip and would be back in a month before he changed his mind. I was actually more concerned about him being truthful than I was about whether or not he was returning to Chicago ... but I was able to discuss this with him later so at least that worked out.

@sparklyseaweed I went through a similar thing, but I know nothing about your situation. I used to wonder why people left me all the time. Well in my case, I was always indeed very difficult due to depression etc. Until one day I really realized that the world doesn't revolve around me and stopped victimizing myself. Then I started being compassionate to others, giving them benefit of the doubt and do my best to make their day at least a little bit better after they see me, and not to be a people-pleaser at the same time! It worked wonders.

Again, I know nothing about your situation. But I guess the cliché that says "be the change you want to see" has some sense in it.

@ashleydlampard

The main problem is, I be nice to these people and get left behind in return. I always try and do the right thing. I never force my issues onto others. I always offer support. I have seen the same thing happen in relationships I have with people. The ones who have asked me out are normally people I trust and get along with the most. They just begin ignoring me. Treating me with disrespect. Eventually getting tired of me.

I don't even know if whatever I'm saying justifies my feelings. I have always been too difficult to read. Often misunderstood by others on forum posts. Most of the time I get lectured on things that are the opposite of what I do. For example "oh, you should try to be nicer". I have been nice... why do you think I've been horrible? I'm not saying you, though... in general I just make a mess of my words...

@sparklyseaweed

I wish I could give others the benefit of the doubt. It seems like a happier place to be in, for both mind and soul.

Too bad I've been walked over too much in my life, now giving others the benefit of the doubt ends up with me getting taken advantage of...

People will use me no matter what...

@sparklyseaweed

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this but I've been there before too. I have social anxiety, so finding and keeping friends is difficult for me because I sometimes feel like I'm being judged (and don't even get me started on dating! ), and there's also an age issue ... I have no problems having friends older or younger than me, but those younger than I might not feel the same. I'm 42 and I have a friend who is 25 ... we clash on several moral issues and also because it seems that the younger generation - I'm looking at those on social media and addicted to it - have forgotten how to talk to and communcate with people.

My 25 year old friend recently admitted to me that he didn't understand why I expected him to text me a message of compassion (He lives far from Chicago where I'm from) soon after I told him that my best friend had been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in late July. I said it was because that's what friends should do ... to show compassion when another friend is hurting. He was explaining that because he is younger, there is this tendency to be selfish and I asked him ... "Yes, but is that how YOU want to live? Do YOU want to be that way?".

Since then, my 25 year old friend and I made up and he did text condolences when my best friend passed away about 2 weeks ago from her cancer. He also admitted that he does not understand social anxiety because he doesn't have this issue and therefore, it can be challenging dealing with someone with social anxiety and knowing how to act around and what to say to someone with social anxiety.

@AbbyHarris1976

It devastates me how closed-off he was from the fact that someone close to you had just been diagnosed with cancer. It does not matter how "young" he is, that never gives him the excuse to act this way. It's just ignorance.

You are absolutely right, a lot of people in my age group have the tendency to be selfish. Then again, selfish people exist at any age. I have met quite a few 30+ who have been two-faced and oblivious. I think the world has issues. Facebook is one of those issues, because that's a great breeding place for hate. I have seen how Facebook is made to purposely "skip" status updates of people you don't talk to much, which is why some may find their friends getting tons of likes/comments while they have none.

I never get the chance to hang out with anyone in person. Which is another reason I can't trust others, because I am often left out of other people's social lives. They make space for their other friends. I just get pushed aside... I try to make plans and yet these plans never become anything more than a plan. Nobody really wants to hang out with me. I just had to accept it.

@sparklyseaweed

I've felt the exact same way, and due to social anxiety and its tendency to spiral to depression, often thought that it was because of me that a friendship drifted apart or even ended. I'm not even on Facebook because of privacy concerns and also because I don't have the time ... I worry enough already about what people think about me and being on there would increase my worry maybe ... 100-fold.

In fact, when I told my younger friend about my best friend's diagnosis back then and didn't get a compassionate reply back, I had worried that I had upset him by saying that she was "basically handed a death sentence" because it wasn't a positive outlook. True ... it was not a positive outlook, it was a realistic outlook.

@sparklyseaweed

It amazes me that so many people can connect with one another, no matter the circumstances. You can see that there are people like you, who have felt abandoned, and useless. BUT YOU'RE NOT! No one is useless! I've definitely been where you stand. I've kept blaming myself for everything, I come up with out-fetched ideas, that no one but me believes. You're boring? What evidence do you have! I have used that label on myself, before, but I have pulled myself out of it! You can too!

You are amazingly strong for posting this, and every second you are standing, surviving...proves that strength. There's so much you can do, if you believe you are boring, to prove otherwise! Why depend on others, when you can be your own best friend? We need to put ourselves first!

Currently, I have no friends, except one. And that one friend brings me some hardships, and confusion as to who I am without her. That's not good. So, I'm learning to appreciate alone time. Learn about yourself, and your wants in life.

@Skyy0

I think one of my problems is jumping to conclusions real fast, I would like to take things less personally... it's just when you have the same thing happen over and over it's hard to know when it'll happen again, it's an endless loop. So far I have been shutting myself off from people. Not because I don't want their company, I really do, but I fear they are drifting off no matter what I do. Nothing I give to the friendship will help make things better. The worst part of it all is when you can see them drifting, it's happening right before your eyes, and they don't know that you know... it hurts because you just got to let it be. I feel like I've been really defensive lately too. It can be heathly, in a way, because it shows that you can be assertive enough to not let others push you around, but at the same time I worry others may think I'm being an ***hole on purpose... so far I have called out 2 people for leaving me behind, one of them barely replied at all.

My messages sort of go like this:

"Hello. I see we haven't been talking much. I don't know why, but all I want to say is that if you feel like leaving the friendship behind, that is okay. I appreciate your choice to follow your own life. I just would like to be told this, because sometimes I leave others in the dark because I fear they might have moved on, and I don't know if it would be better to talk or not talk at all. And if there is some closure, you don't have to worry about me messaging you. Hope you take care. Bye".

And the last person I sent this to, blanked me altogether. And that ends up putting me on the spot even more, because I'm not sure if they are doing this deliberately or they just haven't seen it. (I once had a "friend" who did this to me on purpose. I asked her if she wanted to hang out with me, she told me to stop contacting her and admitted she was trying to ignore me so I "can get the message").

I feel relieved that other people know what this is like. Embarrassingly, I thought nobody would even look at this post and got myself into a mini rut over this idea that I'm just not worth the time and effort. Which is very immature, because nobody is obligated to talk/listen to me, why do I demand the attention of others all of a sudden?

It's kind of you to tell me I'm amazing and not boring. It really is.. I just wish it were easier to believe this myself. Depression has taken a lot from me after all. Sometimes there are only traces of happiness left. I ended up losing a lot of hobbies, and a lot of time. It's hard for me to focus on anything and most days all I do is sleep. Which is why I feel I'm boring, because I missed out a lot in life. I have missed out on so much. It's overwhelming. Since the age of 13 I have been housebound one way or another. I spent 2 years in my room, unable to leave the house, unable to have the curtains open, rotting away in my bed. I'm thinking this is happening again. Especially since I can't trust people anymore. I don't like going outside. There is only cruelty. Rudeness. Ignorance. It happens to me all the time. I can't tell you how many people have walked into me, or reached over me, or pushed me out of the way.

I have been laughed at. I have been overtaken in queues. I have been given awful looks. Et cetera.

The worst thing is, nobody wants to believe it happens. I tell people about how others treat me, and they act like it's in my head. I wish it was in my head, because then I can go on to enjoy my life without worrying about how others act towards me. I have been told I was delusional throughout my childhood. But I'm going off topic now...

@sparklyseaweed

Every person feels like they have something to work on, to improve on, and that's true. The fact you know, and don't want to be rotting away in bed, is progress already! Writing down all your thoughts is really good, so be proud of every post you make. It's good for your mind, I just find it relieving, and still creative. I'm not perfect, and I definitely don't have lasting happiness, as of yet. I hope for the future, but I really don't care about much. I just think you should never give up. I'm not the type to WANT friends, I just happen to make them. I fear being responsible for them, and just get stressed over not being heard, etc. So, just remember, you're doing your best, and what happens, happens. Rude people will be rude, but there may be some hidden gems out there waiting to be found and talked to. I found out, like you did, that I was setting up high expectations and wanted to trust people, but it's devastating crashing to reality! I would suggest destressing as much as possible; do some work like cleaning, grocery shopping/ getting food, going for a walk. Just be mindful of how you are improving your life, and then relax...really relax. Do the things you like, whatever it may be. You'll notice how lounging around no longer is a guilt trip. You deserve it!

@Skyy0

I'm sorry for sounding snappy towards you, I didn't mean to.. I appreciate your comments.

@sparklyseaweed

You have nothing to apologize for. There must have been a misunderstanding. I was simply stating it's not been good for me to set high expectations when meeting new people, because some people will stay the same rude way. Just let it go.

@Skyy0

I mean in general.. I worry about how my tone comes off.. which is why I end up apologising just in case. It's a habit.

@sparklyseaweed

Wow, I've honestly just looked back and read my last comments. Yikes... I knew I've been in a bad place mentally but... wow...

Sorry about this, your comment was very insightful and encouraging and I just had to come out with "sorry if I sounded snappy".

I do make it a bad habit to apologise a lot, especially over nothing, but I have no idea why I ended up putting that. It's like my head wasn't even there... I feel a little embarrassed now... heh... please ignore everything I have said. And know that I wholesomely appreciate your support and that I should have thanked you... I'm not usually like this. Hopefully I sort my head out soon, and feel more clear.

@sparklyseaweed

Definitely! We all have those times where we lose ourselves a bit, just too overwhelmed or...simply lost. I get that alot. I really want to clear my head too! We got this!

@sparklyseaweed

Sometimes I've been "ghosted" and all that and it seemed like they were doing it on purpose to test my patience or maybe just playing games? Because of that, I have to lay down the law and say that they need to stop leading me on and hanging me out to dry because I'm not a mindreader. So ... it definitely happens. I've had people I was talking to scroll through their Facebook ... as I was talking to them! I guess it's just what younger people mostly do but I had to take time to observe and realize that ... but they should still put it away when I'm trying to have a conversation, because otherwise it gives me the impression that I'm boring and not fun to be around.

Okay, now I think I'm going on a bit of a mini-rant here. I want you to know that you're not alone in this and I've been there too ...

@sparklyseaweed

I understand my friend left me too

@Rebekahwriter13

I'm sorry to hear that... it just hurts.. doesn't it..?

I have lost far too many I've cared about. Just when I thought we were really hitting it off, they disappear...

@sparklyseaweed

I have a few online friends but the local friends I might talk to on Facebook all have kids. I'm out of the loop