Struggling with Self-harm

@a1dot

Have you ever studied how a flower blooms? Not just watched it, but actually raised one with the purpose of watching the flower, learning all of the biology and chemistry going on, understanding exactly how it happens? I have, and let me tell you it's crazy. The flower puts so much energy and resources into producing a bulb that eventually opens into a flower, which once it's pollinated will close up and grow to become the seed for the plant. The plant devotes so much energy into making a flower, some species will die if you remove the flowers, causing the energy to be wasted. Changing the boring branch to have a beautiful flower takes so much time and energy the plant can do little else. The same is true of people. If you want to change, you need to spend a lot of time and energy. Most people don't have the energy needed to change a small part of themselves,but you lasted 5 months doing all you could to change. Don't feel bad that you relapsed, take pride in how much change you've already made in yourself for lasting that long, and now renew your efforts to change for the better. It will take more time and energy then you know, but you can do it if you keep trying.

Relapsing sucks but it's normal, it happens. Recovery is a process and you're right to be proud of it, no matter if you have a few hiccups along the way or if it's smooth sailing all the way through. Sometimes the hiccups feel like they are the process and that's where you can go down the path of thinking that this is forever. It takes time but in no way is it forever. You might want to create a habit by repeating another defence mechanism instead, whether it be writing, exercising, meditating, reflection or anything else. I know it's not the same. But these mechanisms are healthy and they push you a little closer to a life where fighting this no longer takes much of your energy. If you give up, this will take up a great portion of your mental resources, leaving you exhausted. You're going to be okay and you can do this. Best wishes! - Ele

I hope that things get better.

@a1dot oh dear, relapse sure sucks a lot. not that only it's difficult and suffocating, it makes you feel of how you have destroyed all of the process that you have worked so hard on. here's a good news: you're not ruining anything at all. five months, that's so, so great and i'm proud of you. let's say you are building a bridge; if there is something wrong in the middle of your construction, you're not demolishing the whole bridge. it's ok to relapse. it's not a sign that you're weak. you can fall down, but you can get up too. bear it, fight it, you can do this.