Stop Telling Me Happiness Is My Choice
A close friend and I have been talking lately about falling into bad mental health days, weeks, or sometimes months. We were talking about what scared us the most about it and it's the constant fear of becoming someone you aren't, that doppelganger version of yourself that looks like you but is completely foreign.
I'm beginning to fall into something again. I can just see a difference in my attitude with going out with people and getting out of bed. And once I hit this moment of feeling like something is on its way, it's constant fear of not wanting it to come. The hard part is that we can't trust our emotions when we are dealing with inner stuff. I find it hard to know what is legit on how I'm feeling or what are feelings being caused by my mental state.
Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, Im not going to make it, but you laugh inside — remembering all the times youve felt that way. But sometimes thats not enough. What I wouldn't do to have a clear head and happy thoughts.
I recently read this quote that stuck with me,
"At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want."
I just feel like at the center of myself is tainted misery, filled with great sorrow and distress and I am running around trying to find a way to distract myself from it all.
I am a living, breathing mess winging it.
Stop telling me happiness is a choice because that is all I aiming for in life.
@Rebekahzombie You're absolutely right, Rebekah. Happiness isn't always a choice. I'm so glad that you've come here and sought to find that. Always remember that you have tons of people here that you can count on to support you through this difficult journey in the pursuit of happiness. 