Poem about depression

This poem is beautifully written and painfully relatable. I can empathize with all of this and I am here if you would like to talk. Thank you for sharing and I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you, I appreciate that. Sorry you relate as well, I hope it gets better 💓.

You will find that light again. You write beautifully. Sending you peace today. @vera08

Thank you for your kind words 🙏.

How are you feeling tonight? @vera08

Thanks for asking, you're literally the only person who's asked that and you don't even know me. I've given so many signs, I have been in one of the worst mental conditions these past weeks, I've been self isolating and now that I've gathered the courage to finally show up no one even asked if I was ok. They're supposed to be my friends, my family it just confirms my belief that everyone hates me. It's not their fault but I've found that none of my friends would call me. I just wished they cared a little more, ya know? See through my lies and see through me. That I'm not okay and I need help. I've reached out once, but never again. They all say that I'm too young, that it's a phase or that it doesn't look like it or others have it worse and honestly at this point sick isn't sick enough apparently. I don't know, I'm just exhausted at this point, everyone has problems I know and I feel like such a burden when I ask for help. It feels impossible to do. Thank you for listening and asking that. It made me feel a bit better, thanks.

First of all, I will ask every day how you are doing if that helps. It doesn't make a difference if we know each other or not. I know that feeling of not wanting to reach out and sometimes once you get started here, the other stuff starts to feel more manageable at least.

So as long as you write something to me, I will be able to find your message and write something to you. I do it once per day.

Second, it might be easiest to think about how you can help yourself at the moment if the people around you feel less than helpful. What kinds of things do you do to care for yourself?@vera08

It's okay you don't have to ask everyday, every once in a while would be nice though. Honestly I think I might have Quiet BPD(Borderline). I've spent the last 16 months trying to figure out what was so wrong with me. I wanted to know because I wanted to fix it. I have almost all the symptoms and I can feel everything very intensely. I can go from feeling like I want to crawl in a hole and die to hours or minutes later feeling like I'm on top of the world and finally feeling like I'm getting better. It's only at that moment when I'm at war with myself. Part of me wants to get worse. So much worse because I loathe myself so deeply, because I'm never ever going to be sick enough. Because maybe then it'll be good damage, maybe then people would take me seriously. And the other part of me wants to get better. The other part of me knows that it's just my mind and it's okay, it doesn't mean I'm weak. That other people have been in the same boat and are doing better so why can't I. I hate how everybody just expects me to bounce back, just like that. But in reality it's hard. I get so mad that they can't see that. I try so hard and i know it's not their fault and I hope they never understand the feeling but it feels really isolating when you look normal but if your pain isn't physical it's not valid. I'm trying to heal and right now I want to get better but I don't know how. Somethings that I do to take care of myself, I guess coming on here to figure out how to get better and letting myself feel my emotions without judgement of thinking that I'm being dramatic and just validating my own feelings I guess. I don't starve myself anymore even when I'm feeling down. And I try not to sh especially when I'm angry, and that alone has been one of the most difficult things to do since I had become so addicted to it. It doesn't look like it but I'm trying.

Of course it looks like your trying. Just because you don't see results doesn't mean that you aren't putting in the effort. Keep reminding yourself that you are doing the best that you can.

I know that it feels now like it isn't ever going to end. But it can and will. Part of it (and this is the ridiculously hard part) is being patient and waiting. You feel like you are being patient for something that you can't see happening, but it is.

Each day you are figuring out how to process things just a little better. You are figuring out your emotions.

But the biggest key is rest. That is what eventually made me start to heal. Rest is actually a very physical action thing rather than a "sorting through your emotions" one. The sorting through stuff drains you to the core.

This is why I asked about how you care for yourself. Rather than staying in the emotional loop, what physical things do you do to distract yourself? Are you eating and drinking water okay? Those are basic starting blocks.@vera08

@bestVase7265 Thanks, I think rest is definitely what I need, especially since I feel so exhausted all the time. I'm back to eating but I don't think it's enough, but like you said patience. I'll try that first, taking the time to give myself some rest.

So for now focus on that eating, drinking water and rest. Every time your mind wants to send you into that loop, ask yourself if you are doing okay in the food and water department. It really does help.

I'll focus on that or at least try my best to. And thank you so much. You've honestly have been such a great help, you don't even know it, thank you. @bestVase7265

Helping others helps me to stay in a good spot. Caring for each other is a giant circle. Sometimes we give support and sometimes we need it. Both are equally valid positions to be in. @vera08

How have the last few days been? I have been thinking about you. @vera08

@bestVase7265 To be completely honest I don't know. I mean I'm not as physically exhausted anymore so I've been able to get out of bed and I guess rest played a big role in that but I still feel so emotionally drained. I feel like with summer coming up it's going to get so much worse as it always is. Like I mentioned before I've struggled with sh and let's just say it's going to be difficult to cover up with long sleeves especially with the heat and that alone stresses me out. I really am trying to turn things around I even started to exercise yesterday, nothing to difficult just a 15 minute walk. But it's also really hard to get out of my head.

I really love your honesty there. You are allowed not to know and be nervous about how things may go. You are allowed to be utterly exhausted as the emotional waves subside somewhat.

People aren't going to be looking at your arms unless you call attention to them. I have had them too and no one ever mentioned it.

You can do this and survive the summer. Take it all a day at a time.@vera08

How have things been lately? I have been thinking about you. @vera08

@bestVase7265 Hey it's been a little bit better I guess I can say. Though I did relapse with sh again. I think that was me trying to self sabotage Other than that I don't know I feel kind of empty and numb. At times I do feel quite content but it doesn't last long. As much as I try to get better though I can't help but miss it. In some weird horrible way I miss the sadness, I miss the pain. Maybe because I felt it for so long it feels comforting. Idk I'm just trying to get by one day after another.

I have been in that weird space where emotions feel somewhat dead. It isn't a comfortable place to be because they are all dead, not just the bad ones. I have also self-harmed in such circumstances.

But I very slowly but surely began to heal during that time. Part of it was acceptance of where I was at. Then it was looking around me for little moments where I was using my senses in a positive way by looking at a bird or eating a cookie. I tried to really actively find such moments and then my emotions began to return in a more positive way.@vera08