My 7 Cups Dream Journal

I don’t know. My favorite is semiotics, a part of post-structural analysis or deconstructionism. While structuralism has a viewer examine just the work itself, post-structural analysis involves the meaning derive from words or images depending on the denotative and connotative meanings.

You really have a good feel for how all of that kind of stuff gets analyzed. Impressive! @integrityblues

Aw, thanks!

I also was able to make a call today to the mental health office to ask after my new therapist since I haven’t heard from her in nearly a month and really need to talk to an actual therapist because I’m worried about how hard I’ve been leaning on my best friend.

The nice receptionist sent an email to my therapist and put me on hold so I could leave my own message in the therapist’s voicemail.

I was so tired after doing that and taking my medication this morning I fell back asleep and didn’t wake up again till the late afternoon.

I think my cycle might be on its way, so I’m going to treat myself nicely and rest more because of the full body fatigue.

I’ll be able to speak with my neurologist tomorrow for our phone appointment mostly to get refills for my medications and make it to my next in person appointment in 6 months.

I hope that you are feeling less fatigued now. It is good that you treated yourself to some rest. It sounds like that was a bunch of appointments to handle.@integrityblues

I got my last cavity drilled and filled this morning. It was a little harder than the other two, I think it was a bit worse off. It even hurt more to have it drilled as the pain would hit in dulled flashes through the shot. It was bearable but still a little scary.

On my way there I’d passed a spot on my corner where someone had dumped a coffee maker and shattered the coffee carafe. When I walked home and passed the same spot it was still there so I went inside and dropped my purse and cane so I could grab my broom and dustpan plus some garbage bags. I went back and was able to sweep all of the glass and dragged the coffee maker back home to dump it in our trash in the back.

I didn’t get to have my job development meeting because she was having trouble with her computer at the office.

And I made the mistake of talking with my mom because I wanted to talk about my dental appointment. She’s apparently decided my younger sister won’t be her caregiver because the last time she showed up there for a shower my sister commented about how bad my mother and my mother’s chair smelled, that both smelled like poop. My mom said that she doesn’t need a caregiver and that I don’t have to say anything about it to anyone. After a few hours I broke and informed my older sister, stressing that I didn’t want mom to use this as the excuse to shut me out again.

It’s just hard because I’m trying to not get too involved.

This sounds like quite the killer of a day. I am sorry about the teeth pain and the run-in with your mom.

I am guessing that you called her because of the teeth pain and having to do the clean up because you just wanted some mom kindness. Unluckily, she isn't the best at offering that right now. What you might want to try to do is wait 24 hours after you have done the traumatic whatever it is before contacting her. Then you don't take the risk of her making things worse.

I know that sounds much harder on you, but maybe you can convince yourself that 24 hours isn't too long to wait. You will be in a better mental state to handle her possible bad news or bad mood if you do.

Sending peace. You deserve more support from her, but that isn't entirely an option. But little contact is an improvement over no contact at all. @integrityblues

It’s okay. Though it hurts that she’s just making more problems for herself and driving away the only one she’d allow to help her, I get why because it was extremely hurtful for my sister to say that to her.

The parts where we spoke only about my teeth or how she was handling a mishap with her recent diaper delivery were just fine. We talked about diets and how I don’t feel comfortable eating my favorite candy bar anymore because of my new fillings. It was pretty lighthearted till she revealed the news about the failure of the caregiver plan.

I guess I was too hopeful that my younger sister helping our mom would work out instead of blowup in our faces or my mom going through the program to qualify for a caregiver and choose someone else like a friend she trusts. She’s just sticking to the idea that she doesn’t want any help from anyone even if she needs it. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell her that a caregiver isn’t going to be a nurse. My aunt even told me that it was possible after this latest experience with my younger sister that she’s unwilling to risk anyone bringing up something so embarrassing and rubbing her face in it.

Once again I’m making myself think more about taking care of me because my mom doesn’t want to be taken care of. I exercised today and stayed within my calorie limit. I’ve stuck to flossing at least once a day and brushing/rinsing twice a day. I made dinner! Granted, it was just spaghetti because I made sure to get plenty of softer foods for my teeth, but it’s a step up from boxed macaroni dinners.

Taking care of you is excellent. Glad that you were able to make dinner.

Your mom sounds like she just needs some time. She may feel better about things in another few days. Convincing my parents that my dad needed help (and that my mom was really bad at it - family members usually are) took a month or two. But now they are very happy that he is getting the proper care from someone else. @integrityblues

For some reason it didn't show me either of these two messages until now, just as I was finishing for the night.

It sounds like the dentist appointment and your mom were both hard. I want to get a chance to better think through a response to you.

Can you like this post and I will put you at the top of the pile for tomorrow?

Sorry....

It’s okay, tomorrow is just fine

I dreamt that I was attending my high school graduation but it was massive. It was so large that we were sort of living there and storing stuff as we were waiting for the ceremony to be over. Strangely my friends (my current best friend who went to school with me and her fiancé who didn’t) didn’t want to spend any time with me at all. It was implied that I was embarrassing them though I don’t know why.

I also made the most disgusting meal by mixing a can of SpaghettiOs with some kind of meat and potatoes dish? My friends wouldn’t touch it and I can’t blame them.

It is a weird dream, but you are certainly more lovable and supportable than the dream let you believe. Remember that your best friend wants to support you. You aren't burdening your friend at all by talking through your stuff with them. @integrityblues

That’s true. My subconscious can be a jerk.

That's true of everyone's subconscious. @integrityblues

I dreamt that I was living with my mom in my current apartment that I’d had to vacate. I guess we moved right back in a day or so after being told to leave, and while I was trying to clean stuff my mom got on my back about some sort of record made of music I’d burned from my iTunes to create a CD that somehow was a negative influence on my younger sister?

I spent forever trying to find the song my mom had a problem with but my computer kept crashing when I tried to look it up on YouTube Music or on my iTunes.

For the life of me I’m not sure which song it was, just that I kept mistaking it for a song by AFI when it might have been Cobra Starship, but I’m so sure it wasn’t that either.

It turned out that hat mid-dream my mom needed money so I looked in one of my old desk drawers I hadn’t properly emptied and found an old wallet with $35 dollars in it.

I guess I’ll be listening to music and looking at CD cases to see if I can figure it out today while I do Friday trash day chores!

Is there a certain kind of music that your mom likes?

Maybe you can listen to some stuff that you like. @integrityblues

My mom loves grunge. I like indie and alternative rock.

I’m still not sure what the song was, I’m just sure that it isn’t Cobra Starship since I’ve listened to plenty of it today. I just recall that in the dream I’d kept thinking about how if I hadn’t listened to the album so many times I could have played it for her without it skipping. The list of CDs I’ve worn out that way is short, so I’m thinking it was a song by Fall Out Boy, Panic! At the Disco, or Brand New?

I just got off the phone with her. She forgot our call was on the 26th, but I sat and chatted with her for an hour about inconsequential stuff mixed with sprinklings of news or thoughts about my younger sister.

My mom called one of her homeless friends who is in the same encampment under a bridge as my sister and got someone to take back a five gallon water jug my sister left behind.

We also talked about other things related to my sister. Like how she still wants her to go to get her GED or health classes for the caregiving position, but my sister won’t. This tells me my mom doesn’t really remember what I’ve told her about the program.

Also she was talking about how my sister’s boyfriend is probably out of jail now and looking for her- how he might show up at my mom’s place and start harassing her. I told my mom that she’s going to be fine because her place has a locked gate and her doors and windows are always secure. That she can call the police to get him to leave her alone, but that’s only if he shows up. That my younger sister will be safe if she just stays where she is.

Glad that you had a productive, easier conversation with your mom. Your mom was still telling you rougher stuff, but it is great that you were able to listen to her without absorbing her emotion. 

It sounds like she is a bit like my mom. Mine is also getting older and forgetting more. It definitely makes her more anxious. She gets upset very easily usually about technology or caring for my dad. I absorb that myself and it can easily ruin my day.

You are doing an awesome job. @integrityblues

I’m trying to get better about separating her emotion from mine, or at least changing how I respond.

Keep up the good work. @integrityblues

I dreamt that I was talking to my aunt about not wanting to replace my futon. In real life she’s been trying to get me to accept a mattress and in the dream I was trying to explain how I don’t want more furniture and things, that what I have is more than enough for me to take care of and exist with.

Is your dream telling you how to react to your aunt? Do you find the futon comfortable? Does it fit well in your space? It sounds like a good processing dream. @integrityblues

Eh, she’s brought it up twice in the last six months. Not sure why it was on my mind enough to show up in a dream

Maybe the futon is starting to feel less comfortable to sleep on? @integrityblues

I have lower back pain and I have difficulty getting completely comfortable on anything. I’d still have to sleep with a pillow between my knees.

I think the dream was also about my troubles accepting things from my aunts unless I’m totally on board.

Makes sense. Well I hope that you had a good day of minimal pain today. @integrityblues

It was okay. Taking magnesium now to help with my tension headaches too.

I got some good news on Tuesday; the DOR will get me a replacement laptop because the loaner Chromebook I have is no longer updating and wouldn’t let me open a job lead because of my old browser.

They’ll let me know when it’s ready.

That is great that you were able to get a newer computer. That should make your life much easier. @integrityblues

I dreamt that I was living with my family again, but that we were all fighting. My parents fighting each other, my younger sister and I fighting each other, and so on.

At one point I prevented my father from entering the motel room we were all staying in and he broke the door knob to try and get back in while I was shouting to him about how horrible he was.

I got so angry at my sister being a jerk that I asked one of my aunts if I could come over, and I did.

While I was there I took a walk and one of my cousins came with me. On the way we paused to look at what looked like baby squirrels “growing” off a piece of a tree that fell to the ground while she and her mom were doing gardening and watering the plants.

I say growing but really that’s how they were meant to be born and it would just take them time to remove themselves from the branch and I kept warning my cousin that we shouldn’t touch them.

While we were walking I mentioned the idea of me coming to stay with them and she said her mom would probably be okay with it, and then I woke up.

I will be able to read both of your messages in the next day or so and really respond. My son is performing in a play and I am getting home too late to read or type much.

But I will be back soon. @integrityblues

That’s okay. I hope your son’s play goes well

Thanks for waiting for me. The play did go well and I am finally able to start on my message pile tonight.

That sounds like an interesting dream of working through some older family trauma. I like the bit with the squirrels. I can see you taking good care of them. @integrityblues

From the things I’ve looked at online and my own interpretation, I guess finding baby squirrels at the end of a dream airing out my family troubles indicates new beginnings or stages because the squirrels are just babies, maybe treating myself gently while becoming more playful and resourceful going forward with my future plans.

I love the idea of new beginnings, working towards new plans and treating yourself gently. I hope that your week is going well. @integrityblues

Thanks. I’m doing okay in spite of strep throat. I’m very tired, handling symptoms and taking penicillin.

That isn't fun. But a perfect time to treat yourself gently with lots of things to soothe your throat. Are you a cold ice cream kind of person or a hot tea kind of person?@integrityblues

Ooh, good question. If I had the money I’d do ice cream. But since I’ve been utterly broke at the end of the month I’ve been relying on hot tea with honey

I like both too but the hot tea with honey is great. I hope that your throat is a bit less sore today. 

It’s a bit better but I’m halfway through the antibiotic. I’m finally getting the energy back to do things like chores. I just did a whole hour’s worth of dishes!