Lost
[+/-] I think I'm done.
[-] Nothing seems to work.
[+] I am living someone else's life.
[-] Never once mine.
[+] Everything is processed by the brain.
[-] None by the heart.
[+] Even this post. The way I write... somehow must rhyme.
[-] Hiaz, Why am I this way.
[+] What did I do wrongly in the first place.
[-] Oh well, forget about it. Who cares.
@mytwistedsoul
Hey Mike - I'm sorry it's been so long. You've been in my thoughts and there's been so many times I've wanted to write you but then time gets away from me. Idk - I'm not on here much. Just enough to cause trouble I guess. I hope things are maybe alittle better for you but I also understand if they aren't. Sometimes - Idk - I guess it is what it is. We can try to make it better but I'm not sure how tbh
Be gentle with yourself Mike and your thoughts - take care ok?
Hello twistedsoul. Its ok, dont have to apologise. Its so heartening to hear from you and the want to write to me.
Similarly, I havent really been logging in since.
The mind and body is like totally off and never be in peace.
Frankly speaking, I dont really know if things are actually improving or deproving. All I can say is that my mind is like literality controllng my entire life.
Complusiveness whatever is starting to drain and hurt me.
Well understanding is one thing, is there a need to is also another. Aint right nor wrong. It is just one's choice.
We wont know how much better or worse things will get from now on, since its the future. We ain't time machines or future tellers.
But if by all means possible, to be able to stay present and strong awareness i guess it is the best option at least for now. Till things improve...?
I feel I never take care of myself, nor I even try to remind myself. Nevertheless no promises, but I just have to try.
You too take care.
@mytwistedsoul
Hey Mike - I'm sorry it's been so long. You've been in my thoughts and there's been so many times I've wanted to write you but then time gets away from me. Idk - I'm not on here much. Just enough to cause trouble I guess. I hope things are maybe alittle better for you but I also understand if they aren't. Sometimes - Idk - I guess it is what it is. We can try to make it better but I'm not sure how tbh
Be gentle with yourself Mike and your thoughts - take care ok?
Hello twistedsoul. Its ok, dont have to apologise. Its so heartening to hear from you and the want to write to me.
Similarly, I havent really been logging in since.
The mind and body is like totally off and never be in peace.
Frankly speaking, I dont really know if things are actually improving or deproving. All I can say is that my mind is like literality controllng my entire life.
Complusiveness whatever is starting to drain and hurt me.
Well understanding is one thing, is there a need to is also another. Aint right nor wrong. It is just one's choice.
We wont know how much better or worse things will get from now on, since its the future. We ain't time machines or future tellers.
But if by all means possible, to be able to stay present and strong awareness i guess it is the best option at least for now. Till things improve...?
I feel I never take care of myself, nor I even try to remind myself. Nevertheless no promises, but I just have to try.
You too take care.
@mikenai Hey :) It's nice to hear from you
No promises needed but I do like hearing that you'll try. I guess with that - it's like you said - it's not right or wrong but it's one's choice. I'm slowly learning that I have the power to change things within my own environment - I can make choices for myself to do the right things - it isn't easy though and it's not hard to fall back onto old habits and patterns
I just got a weighted blanket today that I ordered - to see if it helps with the anxiety and restlessness I often have. Have you tried one? They're supposed to help with all sorts of things - maybe it would be helpful for you too
I had hoped that maybe some time away from here would help - I'm sorry if it hasn't. It's hard to fill the time some days I imagine. Are you still having trouble with your stomach and the physical pains?
Sending you good vibes Mike :)
@mytwistedsoul
Hey :) It's nice to hear from you
Hello. Nice to hear from you too. Sure been awhile.
No promises needed but I do like hearing that you'll try. I guess with that - it's like you said - it's not right or wrong but it's one's choice. I'm slowly learning that I have the power to change things within my own environment - I can make choices for myself to do the right things - it isn't easy though and it's not hard to fall back onto old habits and patterns
Great that you are trying to progress. Definitely aint easy, and dont give up okay?
Even if say you accidentally fall back or intentionally did, dont blame yourself either.
Remember that there aint right or wrong. Everyday is another new day. Nothing's can stay the same likewise.
I just got a weighted blanket today that I ordered - to see if it helps with the anxiety and restlessness I often have. Have you tried one? They're supposed to help with all sorts of things - maybe it would be helpful for you too
I read alot about it. However its kinda expensive. Hence I didnt dare to try.
I had hoped that maybe some time away from here would help - I'm sorry if it hasn't. It's hard to fill the time some days I imagine. Are you still having trouble with your stomach and the physical pains?
Yea still the same throughout... Feeling hopeless.
Sending you good vibes Mike :)
Thank you twistedsoul. Wishing you well too. Take care aye?
@mikenai I owe you a very big apology - I'm so sorry for not keeping in better touch with you. There's time I want to write you and other people but it's hard and my only excuse is just that I'm not a very good person and I am allways so afraid of hurting someone. Everything I want to say ends up getting weighed and measured and I usually delete what I wrote and I just keep to myself.
You have been in my thoughts. I've wondered how things are with your stomach - how things are with the depression - how the exercises are going - work - home and I hope you're doing better. I've missed talking with you
@mytwistedsoul
I owe you a very big apology - I'm so sorry for not keeping in better touch with you. There's time I want to write you and other people but it's hard and my only excuse is just that I'm not a very good person and I am allways so afraid of hurting someone. Everything I want to say ends up getting weighed and measured and I usually delete what I wrote and I just keep to myself.
Please dont be sorry. It is ok. Remember, actually I have to also, that it is not mandatory nor obligated to reply.
Not a very good person - As in because you are afraid of hurting others? or because of something of your characteristic that is bad? Could it be you over-judged yourself?
Just sharing something I heard before, you know that usually the first thought or message that comes to mind or typed out. Usually is that main intent? Whether if it is right or wrong. But in this cause, well because of the nature of this forum and its public, so things becomes a bit more complicated. Guess have to use some caution when posting I guess.
You have been in my thoughts. I've wondered how things are with your stomach - how things are with the depression - how the exercises are going - work - home and I hope you're doing better. I've missed talking with you
Thank you twistedsoul. I was still thinking if I should check in a few days back, cause I kept trying to wean off the idea of using support. But these 2 weeks things have been heavy.
Sorry to say, nothing actually improved, but rather worsened to deepest level.
Kinda of lots to explain. I doubt I have the energy to type. Sorry...
Most importantly though, take care of yourself.
@mikenai Its mainly my own judgements that make me feel this way. Knowing that people wanted or needed things from me and I didn't fulfill my part of things. It'll be ok though
I'm sorry to hear that things got worse. You're welcome to share whatever you're comfortable sharing here. Sometimes it does help to write it out. I visit cups regularly - most days I read posts or just play games. You just have to do what feels right for you
@mytwistedsoul
Its mainly my own judgements that make me feel this way. Knowing that people wanted or needed things from me and I didn't fulfill my part of things. It'll be ok though
Sometimes it could be over expectations of oneself. Worse if it start to damage and hurt mentally.
But then just be cautious and lookout and i just remembered, be gentle with yourself sometimes. Don't self-blame because you did or did not perform something you think you should be or have to.
I'm sorry to hear that things got worse. You're welcome to share whatever you're comfortable sharing here. Sometimes it does help to write it out. I visit cups regularly - most days I read posts or just play games. You just have to do what feels right for you
Maybe I'll try again when I can. For now, im mentally physically near zero.
@mikenai I try to remember that - some days are better than others. I hope you have an occasional day that's better. That every now and again you find alittle peace - no matter how small it might be
I wish things were better for you - I wish there was something I could do to help
You'll be in my thoughts - sending you good vibes
@mytwistedsoul
I try to remember that - some days are better than others. I hope you have an occasional day that's better. That every now and again you find alittle peace - no matter how small it might be
Hmm not easy for me. usually the mind and emotions just take over.
Thank you for the well wishes. My mind is overclouded by bad negative thoughts, such that small little positives, good, peace, whatever, are usually subsided.
I wish things were better for you - I wish there was something I could do to help
Its ok, I know you always are trying your best, don't worry about it.
You'll be in my thoughts - sending you good vibes
Thank you again. Take care meanwhile.
@mikenai Hey Mike :) You popped into my thoughts - so I wanted to see how you're doing
@mytwistedsoul
Not good twistedsoul. Not good.
@mikenai I'm sorry it's not good. Would you like to talk about anything? No pressure of course but it helps sometimes to just let it out
@mytwistedsoul
maybe give me sometime. actually i asked for too much. aint anymore point to struggle living.
@mikenai Of course Mike - there's never any pressure. I'm sorry things are so bad right now
You'll be in my thoughts
@mytwistedsoul
Just thought I update again. Things are still the same.
Sorry twistedsoul. I try again another time...
I wonder if it is because i am... lazy or procrastinating.
@mikenai Hey :) I've let time slip away from me again - I'm sorry about that. You've been in my thoughts and everytime I think about writing you - another day passed me by. I don't think you're lazy or procrastinating - you're depressed. It sucks the life out of you - I've been fighting it myself lately - I thought the anxiety was bad - but the depression - holy sh*t. Everytime I'd think I was crawling out of the pit - I'd slide back down even farther
Its ok to need time and energy to do things - to take what you have and take care of yourself the best you can
*sending you strength*
Pls don't loose hope ..we are here to support u through difficult times.. Feel free to reach out to me and I will try my best to help u
@tanu0077
I appreciate the offer and trying my best to be grateful for.
I ask of you to allow me to... pause and think through...
something dont feel right
I don't know why or what is going on. Been calling SOS hotline multiple times for mental support this month. Feeling off, failure, pointless, hopeless, not even sure what is going on or struggle to breathe live anymore. Maybe talking it out, despite no solutions help? or... i rather type... save my throat. I duno... extremely fatigued from anything everything.
I think it helps to let things out - instead of keeping it inside where it can fester. Sometimes it's easier to type or write or the words instead of saying them out loud
But you have to do what feels right for you
@mytwistedsoul
I think it helps to let things out - instead of keeping it inside where it can fester. Sometimes it's easier to type or write or the words instead of saying them out loud
But you have to do what feels right for you
thing is it aint easy everytime. though sometimes like you mentioned, better to be done.
plus worse, if i recalled i shared last time, a healthy habit commonly turns unhealthy on me.
@mikenai True and if it was easier everyone would be doing it. I guess maybe things need to be in moderation - when you feel like it and aren't forcing yourself
You set the rules of writing and it doesn't have to be here. There are other places. Penzu is one that's private or there's a few other places there or you could have a paper journal
@mytwistedsoul
True and if it was easier everyone would be doing it. I guess maybe things need to be in moderation - when you feel like it and aren't forcing yourself
You set the rules of writing and it doesn't have to be here. There are other places. Penzu is one that's private or there's a few other places there or you could have a paper journal
Guess this balancing of moderation is one of my greatest problem.
I tried many free resources online, but couldnt find a better alternative. Went back to my original platform, but i havent been using for awhile.
@mikenai Moderation is a problem with alot of people probably. It's hard to know what's the best thing to do. I've tried a few different ones too. Some are ok but they are lacking in some places. Other's start out good but then for what ever reason we end up shying away from it and then don't use it at all. I guess - just do what feels best for you at that moment and try not to pressure or force yourself to do it - which is easier said then done
@mytwistedsoul
Moderation is a problem with alot of people probably. It's hard to know what's the best thing to do. I've tried a few different ones too. Some are ok but they are lacking in some places. Other's start out good but then for what ever reason we end up shying away from it and then don't use it at all. I guess - just do what feels best for you at that moment and try not to pressure or force yourself to do it - which is easier said then done
I dont know how to reply... other than agreeing with you on the difficulty.
Whats worse in my situation is that, i tend to stick to those... that ends up hurting myself in the end. Placing unnecessary pain to self...