Lost

@mytwistedsoul

Thank you for letting me know. I'm sorry I havent been very good at offering support to you lately. Tbh - most days I don't come in here as often as I used to. Which is a weak excuse on my part.

Don't mention.

Hey no obligations, no expectations from each other.

Don't shoulder it as a burden or mandatory requirement to support me. - Although honestly, sometimes in my mind heart and soul certainly hoped for the inverse. As in like... a companion to just talk things out irregardless of outcome.

Please don't apologise, nor see it as like you have to. Otherwise it just only strains both parties mentality of supporting each other. - Everyone has their good/bad days.

Do you think the listener training helped you to come to this decision? Idk - I mean did it help you understand things? You're right though. You do what works best for you.

Actually I havent tried. Somehow I cant push myself mentally for it. Maybe I shall give it abit more time and see if i can step up and step in in future.

Things kinda messy in my head. So I thought of laying down the member account. Which... felt awkwardly lighter. Despite missing it. Despite missing on the companionship. But I'm still obssessing over checking of notifications, but the listener account is too fresh and there is nothing there.

I'm glad I got the chance to know you and I'm glad to call you friend. I hope you'll take care of yourself amd I hope you find a way to make peace with life and find happiness. You deserve it Mike

Thank you twistedsoul. Thanks one more time, for recongising me as a friend. In real life, I dont even have any left. (very disrespectful of me) Sometimes I even wonder if I should even call my parents as family, closed ones, parents)

I will try to, even to be first of all mindful, although of late i have been even way worse in treating self. But the usual, no gurantees.

I too wish I find my path. But... nvm... guessing you know what I will write.

You too deserve likewise, not only me. Don't forget about yourself.

I wish you the best - go kick some butt :)

Be gentle with yourself and your thoughts

Thank you again Jordan. Yes. I will try. You too please don't shoulder too much. I know its easy to type not easy to remember nor act. But least start off mindfully aware and slowly act on.

I'm done.

@mytwistedsoul

Hey Mike! It's really good to see you! :)

Well, Hello there. Nice to hear respond from you again.

There was no real set time limit - you needed to do what you needed to do - yeah? I'm glad to hear that there wa some fairly good things that you discovered. I think you're right about finding a balance of things. That it's ok to come here and chat with people - to blast that text out and talk with people - but at the same time taking that step back when you need to - to have quiet time for yourself and to maybe pursue other things. Like you said - it's ok to be around sometimes and to let go other times. The thing to try to remember - and as I'm sure you've noticed - Cups will be here. The people will be here - If you take a day off or a week. There will allways be someone here

You know something that I have been telling my counsellor only - Not to anyone else. Is that I can somehow only, reflect such thoughts, when I type. I cant really act nor think rationally when I am alone with myself. Its like as if the mind and the words I type out are so different in souls. Whether or not i learnt or discovered useful stuffs or even if no progress or not, I think for now, I can only treat it as a different experience. Sometimes I had this feeling of maybe its for the "best/better" like you mentioned that 7Cups will always be here. I never once thought of that. Well, actually I might even want to go on/off break. Or even more "self-fish" mentality, to take a longer or a on/off break. Of course I think the best is still if i can manage myself to come in if i truly want to. Not because of complusive actions kind of style.

It occured to me the other day - that you and I have been talking to each other for over a year - can you believe it? It kind of surprised me tbh - because it doesn't feel that long. And I thought - well - that maybe it's time I'm alittle more open with you - I hope that's ok - if not please disregard this - ok? No harm done and I won't think any less of you

Well, yea. It had been, or longer? The choice of being more open, relaxed or not, the choice is yours. There aint a need to share everything. Everyone's had their comfort level. Plus the internet's a scary place.

Harm or not done, well, sometimes it just happened (like the mentality accident with wise one - well i cant recover that relationship anymore), sometimes it teaches lessons, somtimes sadly oneself has just to hold back. Just like the way I have been "living". this restrictive or "egoistic/stubborn" mentality which is only causing hurt.

First I thought perhaps my name - I'm sure you noticed that I refer to myself as J - there's only one other person that knows my real name here so let me blast it publically - lol. Not that it really matters I suppose. My given name is Jesse - which I'm not crazy about - so I go by J. Allthough Jordon is a much nicer name in my opinion. I'm sure you've also noticed there are posts with the name Logan at the end of them.

First of all - Opps!!! I sincerely apologise. I must have mistaken it. Or like you mentioned otherwise.

But i have to be honest that i dont feel comfortable at times addressing yourself in that manner. Felt abit disrespectful. Many times I tell myself to use your ID instead to be courteous, but yet sometimes I felt that there is a need to pull in some strength to the message by writing more relative by "closer". So that one feels more comfortable. But its just my thought. Perhaps my original mentality of using ID perhaps still resonate better.

<Portion of post removed>

You know, being able to see that, feel that, type that, explain that in that clarity. I just got this feeling that you are strong in understanding yourself much more better. Nah, dont worry about pity or what not. Everyone, including myself, we have each our traits, strengths, and weakness-es. Whether to tell yourself, tell others, reveal to the world or just to some, or even confine to yourself only. It is ok. I kept having this feeling that minimally is that you are sensibily aware of it, which is more of importance. I know things happens sometimes, be it mindfully, or not, its hard to control at times. Normal? Nah, what is normal? There ain't a guideline for it. You can set it yourself, put yourself to either to extremes, self-judgement, or allow others to set it. Its either your'e living your life, or living other's life. What's the comparision for?

So - well - since I concider you a friend I wanted to share this with you. I understand though if it makes you take a step back and I alos understand if it's something you need to think about. I hope though that maybe - you'll take a moment to maybe look into it alittle before you make any quick decisions. I'm still basically the same guy you've talked to. But It's entirely up to you - ok? No pressure - no obligations. It's alot to take in and understand - believe me I know lol - so - it's up to you. I'm also open to any questions you might have too - ok?

I appreciate that you chose to share with me. I wonder how it felt when you chose to share. Lighter? Much relaxed? or even Tensed?

Decision to? For me, i think is more of understanding much more better. You mean, that because of something I have to stand or judge or act or communicate differently? Nah... Unless we are talking about things that may inflict damage, hurt, or what not. Otherwise I dont feel there is a need to set expectations or rules or even to worse "pity". Perhaps some sort of consolement but not the because "i said this", so "i expect this treatment" from now on. (Well it depends on situation also i guess sometimes. So gotta I tread the waters carefully before i hurt anyone including yourself/myself)

I hope you're still trying to be gentle with yourself and your thoughts. It is really is good to see you again MIke :)

Hmm reflecting back now, I havent been "gentle".

Nevertheless, still stuffs happened and sucky still.

But yea, great to still see you around twistedsoul.

@mytwistedsoul

Ok Mike - thank you for the heads up. It was nice of you to let me know

Just in case if you're wondering if I dont respond for a while or something.

Although I may just linger around to read. - Despite trying not to.

I'm sorry for what you read on my thread. It's - well it's pointless to even try to explain. I hope that it didn't contribute to what you're feeling now - if it did I am truely and deeply sorry

Don't be sorry, it is an open (member) thread to read. Don't hold yourself accountable on other's reaction, they chosen on their actions, unless it is something trigger/damaging or whatever that instructs others in a <inhumane> manner, then i think it might be something worth re-thinking about one's action - I feel at least... but then, the world is too open now, anything under the sun can just happen.

Nah, it was't your thread. Its just like I've explained, wished i can manage myself better in a healthy manner. Or at least think in a healthier manner.

Don't dwell or spoil or ruin your day because of what I have just shared about myself.

Care for yourself first.

Please take good care of yourself - be gentle with yourself and your thoughts

J

Will try, I hope at least.

@mytwistedsoul

Hey Mike :) Its nice to see you. It's ok to stay away for awhile - I do too lately. It's hard to know which is right and which is wrong. I guess just play it as it comes. It's nice to have people to talk to sometimes but then sometimes you might not feel like talking to anyone.

I just don't want or dont like to keep the mentality of like trying to misuse of the community as a "tool". But rather instead to treat community as a living social human beings.

Yet sometimes when mind/things are not well, unfortunately I have to keep it that way.

I'm sorry to hear the past few days have been unpleasant for you. Is it just a general thing or is something going on? No pressure to say of course - just wondering

Generally health in physical, especially energy and digestion. Mentally, will be the usual struggles, lifestyle, what to do, money, find or dont find work, questions/troubleshooting, decisions, etc.

I'm hoping that one day things will be better for the both of us and we'll find that peace and contentment we're looking for

I always hoped for it. One day. One day.

Actually, if not maybe, we might actually be already at that stage. Just that the perspective needs abit of re-wiring or overwriting.

Thank you for checking in - it was nice to see you :)

Youve been in my thoughts -

Be gentle with yourself

Don't mention, just in case only. Remember to give yourself a break once a while.

@mikenai Hey Mike :) I'm sorry to hear things aren't going to well. Everything is connected - the mental with the physical and then sleep. It doesn't really help knowing that though. I guess the workouts aren't so good right now. How have things been with your stomach?

I kind of do the same thing here tbh. I sort of come and go here. Most times I just read posts here and there without talking to anyone. Sometimes I want to but just don't have anything to say. Sometimes I just feel better keeping to myself. I just do day by day

You're welcome Mike. I know I may not check in much but you are in my thoughts

Be gentle with yourself and your thoughts

@mytwistedsoul

Hello twistedsoul, I apologise that it took that long for me to come back. Or should I say report back.

Kind of mental block of restricting myself to come in. I don't really know why. Perhaps to stop myself from complusive actions and also repeatively checking for updates.

Though I must say that it certainly helped in terms of complusive actions, but then for myself, I havent been able to voice out my pains and thoughts for a long while.

I dont know how I will move on from here. Anyways, to share abit of updates, things havent been well nor improving. I wont go to details, cause it hurts to share, and worse off damaging both mental and physical health of any kind souls.

Last before I logout, should I return again or not. I hope you do take priority to care of yourself, be it in which ever caring options within abilities. Nevertheless, thank you one again for the times spent in sharing, helping, listening, etc, to me whenever I needed that aid.