Lost

@mytwistedsoul

I know what you mean. I've been doing the same thing. I mean, I have an idea of what I want but I'm unsure how to achieve it. I think because like you, I've been searching for that quick fix. I know there is none but the idea of all the hard work to get there is overwhelming. I don't, maybe that means I'm lazy. I do remember you saying that, but just like you - I have a hard time following my own advice.

I dont really know what or how to reply you. But yea. You're on point.

Ah - I understand. There is no I in Team. Kind of - together we stand - divided we fall. They should have stood with you instead of making you feel work and basically isolating you. They shouldn't have done that to you, it's not right.

No idea about that. But I have heard comments from my management that the team has feedback to management about me. Messages like they have tried their best, giving me advices, help, etc. But it is me who has resisted strongly or not taking their "recommendations" or "well thoughts". I do not deny the fact. It is the truth.

Honestly - You and I have been "talking" on here for quite a while now and I know you have been trying to set things right with yourself. I know you don't see it, but I do. To me it's the trying that matters, not the things that didn't work.

Red - I wonder if I ever put in any effort or not. Or I am just "waiting" for something to happen. Which never did. All I know is something is definitely wrong, and I am just simply dragging.

This is the only place I socialize. I don't do facebook, or twitter or whatever else is out there. I don't have friends to hang out with . I've probably mentioned before that in real life people make me nervous.

Hmm - I'm not sure then. I'll have to see if I can come up with other distraction ideas.

I see. It must be difficult and challenging for you and yes you did mentioned before.

Do take your time to explore. Don't rule out everything immediately.

Oh - I didn't realize they issued a time limit. But surely the fact that you're seeing a therapist has to count for something. Because if self care is first on their list - in my mind it kind of cancels out the rest of their list. A loop hole. and you have been doing the second thing. You and I have discussed it a number of times.

Its like, the period of the MC that is given and they will arrange for a follow up review soon I guess.

No idea what counts to be honest.

I have no idea what I am doing honestly. Felt like nothing accomplished, wasted time, etc.

Wow it just doesn't seem right that they're guiding the discussions. They should be letting you take it in the direction you want. Because with them doing it, it just seems counter - productive. Because how are you supposed to open up about anything if you're not discussing the thing that are important to you? Idk - maybe it's me and I don't understand. I mean my therapist has a small plan on what he'd like to do during our sessions but he's completely ok if it doesn't happen. And ok so they don't have actual solutions - like if you do A and B, you'll get to C. Although I can understand your negative feeling towards them. Tbh - if that's how they've been doing thing - I can't say I blame you. I'm sorry I don't have any clear advice for you. But I do have a tendency to give things alot of thought through out the day so -

Sometimes I feel it is ok. Since it is way better than me walking in blindly.. with nothing to talk about. But sometimes when I made up my mind, i was being "pushed" away. which kinda sucked, worse off the timing per session is limited. Which often makes things "rushing"

But you see something in addtion about is that even if we said or feel that It is "important" to us. They may feel that it is not. Because we "overthink" or generalised it too much that it deviates our main issue.

It's ok - I've been having people tell me lately, that it's ok to not be ok. But do try to be gentle with yourself, that's all I or anyone else can ask of you - that you try.

Thanks twistedsoul.

Its just that, this "gentle" thing. Its probably too long?

I dunno. I wonder when I can get over it.

Its like me... now doing nothing, waiting for unknown. The day to be over?

Trying to find a game, yet cant.

Either too dizzy, too challenging, too boring, no meaning, no fullfillment, etc.

@mytwistedsoul

Hey How are you?

Hey. Are you ok?

I kinda almost on the verge of stopping to check back, since there was no updates. - Don't be sorry first of all. I believe you have your reasons. Plus there is no obligation for you to respond either.

Me, well, number of things happened.

One side of my cheekbone swelled. Which usually recovers within the hour, but this time it did not after 24 hours. Went to a GP, but was not helpful. End up decided to suck up and go for A&E. It was not the severe kind, but the numbing pain was very disturbing to deal with each minute that passes by.

Anyways, that's that, have to wait for specialist to follow up. Nothing I can do for now.

Went for a few follow ups also, kinda "not happy". Dietitian, New Psychologist, etc...

I wish I had some advice to tell you. It must have been hard to hear those comments. Whether it was the truth or not.

It is ok. Everyone one of us definitely wishes to have some sort of answers or advice for everything. Isn't that what we are searching for? Sometimes the truth is hard to accept, but it is what it is until it comes to a point where you/me/anyone just have to accept it.

I look at the trying with going to the doctor, doing the blood work, the follow up and seeing the therapist. You could have said no to all of the that but you didn't. That takes effort to just keep appointments.

Well, It was difficult and effort and strain to just go for them.

Plus to repeat again and again in hope for some understanding from either one of them was not easy.

Nevertheless, I have discussed with my family that I will be dropping most of them. It was too confusing and unbearable. Should my company feel that I were to be not suitable for the company, I can only... think of as so be it.

I can't seem to push anything anymore.

I guess that must make you a little nervous not knowing what's going to happen and what to expect. If they were to give you a list or a routine to follow, would you be able to do it? Sorry that sound like a stupid question and I'm not really sure where I was going with it. I guess I just find it easier to follow instructions like that rather then be left on my own to figure that stuff out. Because it's hard to figure out what they want.

It is actually nerve-wreaking and trumatising.Should they give me a list of routines to follow, I may be able to follow within my limits, and perhaps within comfort also. (Shit I dozed off. Sorry. This has been happening a few times for the past weeks. Any type of meal, large, small, simple, complext, also the same results)

it is definitely easier to follow "instructions" because you kinda know the in and out of a given requirements/instructions, plus additional boost if you know how to perform the instructions as it will be much easier to achieve.

I thought the first should be easier to figure out and achieve?

They want - Usually a given set of instructions, without a more detailed instruction will certainly confuse. But usually an instruction is likely derivable to a conclusion or outcome. Isn't this a "they" want?

I (You) want - This is way trickier as first you have to even have an intent first, which usually determines what you wanna out of it. Then i guess you work backwards which gives you the breakdown of instructions?

My therapist - well we have a times limit but it's not set in stone. If it needs to go over, he's ok with it. And he aways asks if theres something I want to talk about before we get down to other things.

That's nice. Its better to let things flow naturally, than rush here and there.

Mine... hiaz, usually have to pay extra. Plus usually near the ending is also where both of us feels very lethargic and things start to slow down... or never even register properly.

It's - idk - Basically a reminder to not let your thoughts get you down or to dwell on them and give up hope. I actually started saying it because of self harm, but it works on a lot of levels. NOt beating yourself up because you're not where you think you should be, or because your frustrated because you aren't feeling better. Has anyone suppested anything for depression?

Well, everyone has their coping methods and technique on anything. Just have to figure out only. No one method that works for all.

Plus if you recall, i often forget things that we/I discussed with yourself, anyone, professionals

Not really much, other than coming back to the breath kind of mindfulness. Its all about coming to the present moment and not think about past and/or future.

Take care

Thanks twistedsoul. - I besure to also be mindful about gentleness. - Though i havent been.

I kinda have a few days left, before needing to go back.. I wonder what will happen and if i can still manage.

@mytwistedsoul

I kind of wasn't but, I'm better now. Thank you for asking.

Ok. Good to hear that you are better now.

Wow that does sound good at all. It sounds like it's happened before? Swollen and numb? I hope they figure it out soon. That would be kind of scary. Did they give you any idea of what would cause it? You don't have to answer of course.

It did, just that usually it subsides within minutes or the hour when i massage it. And usually the most it just happen once a month or so. I'm guessing when I over think about stuffs too much or something.

No idea. Need to see some plastic surgeon next week. I hope no... major stuff. Nor operation... I dont want a scar on my face.

I know, keeping appointments and following through with them is difficult. Especially when you're at a point where it just seems like a waste of time effort and money. Well, I hope that your company will be understanding about how things work with people. I know it's probably doubtful but we can't just be told to do things and wow we're healed. It would be nice if it was that easy but it's not.

Red - Probably my mind is more stuck on this. Time well, yea might be soon when work resumes.

Blue - Well, perhaps different perspective from different people. Plus mental health maybe misunderstood as a medical condition that could be fixed "easily" by medications, follow-ups, therapy, etc.? I duno... perhaps that's what they are thinking. However I should not judge others.

WHat if you wrote your own instructions/ directions to follow. I know that probably sounds stupid. But you could do up something with in your abilities. You have a general idea of what they want, you could even have a few things in there that would kind of give you some challenges. Kind of like a spreadsheet for life. I guess more of a daily to do list. I have one, to help me remember what needs to be done, it's kind of nice to check things off and see the list finished at the end of the day. Although sometimes things don't get done and I will admit it bothers me when that happens, but it helps me be accountable to myself.

Red - Wow wow wow? Never thought of that? Wait, doesnt that sound abit like a "plan your to-dos"? This sounds abit like what I am struggling.

Blue - Opps. I never read to the end of paragraph. Sorry.

But sometimes i feel i procrastine more than I get them done sometimes... I dont really know why.

And i just let them keep dwelling in my mind and irritate me.

I'm having trouble with just focusing on the present myself. Worried about the future but kind of stuck in the past. But I need to heal from my past to move towards a clearer future. I know that all the professionals say about staying in the present but I can't help but think about that not everything works for everyone. Sometimes there are things we just need to do and if the past is whats causing the problem well then you need to do something with it. You have to work through it so that you can put it to rest.

It is, there is no such thing as one solution for all.

The only thing that everyone kept saying is, to keep on trying and never stop.

It works or not, is only "findable" or "seekable" only if you did try. Otherwise, you probably be in the unknown and stucked in that position forever.

Which is mike (me) right now in that state. - Although many kept pointing out to me that I have been doing minor stuffs or changes and trying out. Yet I cant seem them as progress, cause it is too painful or perhaps my mind just writes it off.

I hope you can find some peace today my friend. Even if it's just a little. Be gentle with yourself. Take care.

Nope, none at all. Totally sluggish day. I don't know if it is due to run, food, body, mind, or what.

Thank you, twistedsoul. I hope you do well too.

Remember that if you dont feel good. Dont have to reply.

Perhaps in time, we can mindfully reply ourselves in our minds till we don't need to check-in to help/aid/chat with each other. - Although its good to have a buddy to talk to.

@mytwistedsoul

It still amazes me the things that stress can do.

I know what many said before, about how we need abit of stress sometimes to help movtivate and "nudge" us through things. Otherwise things just never gets done.

There is something called "good stress" and "bad stress". Sometimes I think maybe it is some kind of perception?

Oh wow, I hope it's nothing serious too. Although I can't say a whole lot about facial scars myself. I mean they're not huge or anything, just there.

The word scar, being there means it is like some sort of battlescar. And it also mean that it will be "permanent" to a certain extent? Although it can be some form of teaching or memory or bad inducing thoughts in future to remind "yourself" of the stupid/sinful/bad things you have done to yourself.

Mental health is definitely misunderstood. Some people think it's an excuse, others think it's an easy fix. Others still think you should just be able to let things go and move on. It's hard not to judge people when things like that happen. I'm guilty of it too.

Guess so. I think perhaps this is where (we) should be concentrating to fight our own battles more than focusing on others or what they think/judge of? I believe that mental health is probably not the only topic that is commonly underjudged? Maybe perhaps every single toic has their in-depth to it. Just maybe to a different level that how to each person look at it.

It's ok to have moments where you put things off. We all do it. I think the best way is to get the hardest stuff done first, when you still feel a little more energetic. But things can be switched around and tailered to your abilities although there might be times when you have to push yourself a little. There's times when I dwell on the things I didn't get done. BUt I try to remember theres always tomorrow.

Red - I feel that I cant. Because the moment I do it. I will likely 99% repeat it again and again. Its like giving myself more opportunities since i broke the chain record. Then it becomes like a procrastination thing where nothing gets done.

Blue - Haha, this will depend on individual preference. Its like perhaps what to you felt more critical and must be done? For me, sometimes I feel rather is trying to clear something that I need/want to do, especially when I am "unclean" i.e. need to go shower after exercise/kitchen/etc. Only this is like a golden period for me to do stuffs that I commonly hold back. i.e. room cleanup, sweep, reorganise, wash fans, move desks, shift or move something that I wanted to try, etc.

Green - This is almost similar to "Red" highlight. The moment I tell myself such, the mind will just approve automatically without hesitation (usually automatically, no questions or thoughts). Given this one chance, any other things will just subsequently follows.
Poor mental strength of mine.

Lol - I had to chuckle here a little because you just told me what I tell you. Sorry - I mean no disrespect. It's just - we know this stuff, we just don't know how to apply it, for what ever reason. We have the knowledge but not the tools, I guess. It's hard to see the little things as progress because to us it's not enough. We want big - earth shattering big. Things you can't help but notice. Even my therapist says it's good to celebrate the little victories because they all add up. Like a tally sheet. A point for this and a point for that.

Its ok, dont need to be sorry. Just kinda happened. I find myself replying statement by statement much more easier to focus and explained easier than absorbing the entire "paragraph" or "text" and thinking how to reply in a organised summaried easily understood without missing any points.

Progress - Perhaps it is perception again? I duno. Or it could be how (we) trained the mind to think and behave the way that we dont want to notice them.

Thank you Mike. It is nice to have a buddy to talk to. Even if I do pop off for a few days here and there. I won't forget you and leave you hanging.

Thanks again. Really truly. I can't find any or better solutions for someone to talk/chat with. At least for now.

I think it is pointless to keep "thanking" - Its like you see how many times we have exchanged - "Thank you twistedsoul/mike", "Sorry twistedsoul/mike" - Kinda feel weird yet awkward sometimes

Perhaps wishing that to each both of us to have a better path or partner or friend or buddy or whatever to really be able to commit/dedicate to or just a companion. I duno... is it better that way? I been wondering if truly, seriously how much I/you can depend on 7cups. Its like the server, services, whatever will cease to function one day.

I hope this day treats you a little more kindly. Be gentle - take care

Sorry twistedsoul - See??? It happened again. When i just on the topic.

Anyways, today sucked. I read too many stuffs, about those again.

Thinking about this and that.

Poor diet again... I think.

No idea. Workout sucked. I kept wanting to push. Felt so "wanting" to run. But the body kept fighting back.

Thank you for the well wishes. I too hope for a good day for you.

@mytwistedsoul

I'm kind of working this post from bottom to top.

I know you said your work out sucked yesterday, was it any better today? I got told off sort of (gently though) that I need to eat more regular meals. Thinking - I do that alot. About everything. Small stuff - big stuff. It's not always in loops- it's scattered alot too. Thinking about one thing will take me down another path and so on. But it messes with my concentration and focus. Im not sure maybe I'm just daydreaming.

I kinda forced myself to go run today. Since yesterday missed out.

But my father came back home during mid-night... totally no breathing space... hiaz.

To be honest, I dont really know about the quality today. It was a slow jog only kind of. But I can only say that it was struggling to complete. and maybe at least the difference is that I managed to complete it.

But now I am feeling very painful at the calves (which already was) and the knee joints started to hurt.

Maybe try giving yourself a break time to time - Whenever you find yourself thinking too much?

I know it wont be easy. And easily forgotten and easily just blindly will loop and loop with your pains.

But nothing gona change... unless you try something?

If it does not work out, nothing to lose either. at least you tried something.

I do think that alot of things do come down to perception. Because most of everything is how we see thing. Our point of view. Our victories are once again based on perception. I had someone point out and ask me if I could see how big of a victory something was. I did and I didn't, because I expected more. I wanted to look and see that I was farther than I was.

It is actually. But often, we are blinded/clouded easily because of many different factors. i.e. influences, media, personal thoughts (negative ones maybe, or selfish reasons, or whatever) which then causes the blindness. Hence its only when we "force" ourselves to take a step back. Or someone from a neutral position gave you their perspective. Then you will kinda like "AHA!" why didn't I noticed it. Should have done that... Kind of thing.

But type, talk, chat, whatever is easy. Its always the training and "re-training" and willing to try to change that will only help.

Yes another thing is expectations. This is a major setback for me. Mine is always way to imaginative. WIshed I could suggest something. But something I do know is that we as humans, or at least to management. We just always ask for more. Never less.

Hence the self-judgement is usually like oh, i did not perform that well or as expected. But actually when seen from a neutral point. It is totally so different.

I do the same thing a lot. Things need to be done - now. And I'll catch myself hurrying through it and then there are mistakes and screw ups. So I'm trying to be a little more mindful with that. Because if I take my time doing something - in the long run it takes less time to do because I don't have to fix the mistakes.

Great to hear that you are trying - Perhaps can ignore what I mentioned/suggested above.

Nah, dont focus on the saving time first. - Although you can use it as a self-perk as a achievement.

But rather the main focus is train/learn to be more mindful at times. Once this is better managed and maybe mastered. Can start focusing on the rest. Otherwise... later also forget what being mindful for was in the first place.

Yeah stress can be a good motivator. Too much though is just overwhelming. It's hard to find a balance between the two. Because we over think things. That's a hard cycle to break. Sometimes distractions don't help. You get caught in that thought loop.

I hate this.

Hey - take care. Hope the weekend is good for you.

Thank you. You too take care please.

@mytwistedsoul

Have your run's been any better? I know it's been a few days since we talked. And your joints - are they still as sore? Stress can make things hurt too. I know I have days when it seems like everything hurts and no amount of pain killers seems to help. It's a shame you lost that breathing space. I know you said before that you have a harder time when he's home.

No hasn't been. actually went worse. Only yesterday's run i managed to squeeze out a full run, and surprisingly an extra small lap at the park. - Not sure what gave that extra push. But the entire run was very painfully lethargic. except the ending part.

What's worse off, was the rest of the day, the calves and knee joints hurt like hell. I could not even sit or walk much.

But what I noticed was i could not feel so much of the pain when i walked compared to standing and sitting.

Yea, it sucks man. Its the fourth day striaght, and I have to face reality soon. Oh well. It kinda sucks, when such issues happen.

We do set high expectations for everything. Ourselves - others - what we want - life. Pretty much everything we want or do has higher expectations then are probably realistic. We as humans are horrible when it comes to self - judgment. I don't think anyone is mre critical of us as we are ourselves. We are often our worst enemies. You with your excercises - I know you're doing the best you can at the moment - but I also know that you're expecting more of yourself. sorry maybe that sounds wrong. But celebrate that little victory of completeing your run. Maybe it wasn't what you wanted it to be but you did finish it.

Can I take some moment to think about what you mentioned?

We are often our worst enemies. - mytwistedsoul

Perhaps, you are right. I never even gave one bit of grace to myself. Not even noticing that small bit of victory. But only see the overall picture. Perhaps my mind has been cluttered with the corporate management lifestyle where numbers and time and effectiveness are key.

Sometimes being patient and taking your time can be rewarding in it's self. I'm trying to find some enjoyment in the woodwork again. Letting the wood tell me what it wants to be instead of forcing it to be what I want it to be. Same with myself I guess. Maybe with yourself too. With trying to celebrate those little victories. You really have made some amazing steps forward - with therapy and the appointments. Hopefully with time the answers will be found. I have hope for you.

Think the problem with myself is that I am impatient and want to see results. And if something does not give the "right" result, i will either dwell or not even want to try.

Thank you for reminding me again, somehow, somewhat I kept sweeping it aside. and forget those moments.

I hope you have a good night- Take care

Thank you twistedsoul. You too.

@mytwistedsoul

It's really weird that your joints would hurt more with sitting or standing than with walking. Are they swollen or anything? Or just stiff and sore? Is it just in your legs? Or do other joints hurt? Sorry - you know me and all my questions. It's just - I mean you can't just keep walking. Does soaking or putting ice or cold wraps help any? Or pain relievers? Or like maybe a linament? And 4 days straight - man that really sucks. Ok so this question might sound weird but do your big toe joints hurt or are they swollen?

Which was very puzzling to me. I duno why... maybe poor blood circulation or something all stuck at the bottom (i.e. I'm like dozing off while typing this. I duno why... I just woke up after yoga + bathe + coffee) Or maybe its the chair or something. But I've tried so many different variants of chairs.. hiaz. Worse off is that standing does not help either. Need to walk... hiaz.. I'm like a goner.

Doctors, don't even bother about it when i asked. I even seeked TCM, which only did basic massage what does not truly help. I dont really think it swell though. But stuff wise yes, especially the muscles, and some on the bones. Joints wise its the knees. Yes mostly at the bottom body only. Other than the usual body exhaustion i.e. arms, core muscles, back, unable to sit upright, etc.

Yes, the walking thing is very irritating, its like I'm kinda tired in the mind, yet, I still wanna go for a chill walk or something. i.e. i even took the extra mile instead of taking public transport to supermarket. despite having one nearby (downstairs) I still yet, walked far away to just cover some distance.

No i never really tried those wraps or whatever. Muscle creams ointments, dont truly work for me anymore. Its only the menthol effect only. Nah, paracetomol stuffs aint doing good.

Nope, no issues with toes or whatever. Just the calves, lower shin area, and knee

It's hard to see the little victories when you have your sight set on the big picture. Kind of like being so set on the destination, that you don't enjoy the scenery, all the little stops along the way. Which I know somethime it really sucks because you just want to get where you're going. But it's along trip, we need to get some enjoyment out of it. Of at least try to.

(I'm sorry) - Although it is not the fault of yours.

I can comprehend the small steps that leads to the final goal/destination despite the tough roads or diversions to take. But... my sight or mind has been so singlely blind sided.

Any small setback or whatever is enough to just make me feel... out of place or demoralised.

I know you're impatient, my friend, I understand. I really do. You have been fighting all these things for a while and still not getting the answers you seek. You want immediate results. That's understandable too. Sometimes though good things take time. Things don't grow over night. Houses aren't built in a day. They take time. And of course with no immediate results we get the thoughs of why am I even trying. But at the same time you need to remember - everything we've done since we came into the world has taken time. Persistancy was the key. Hey I am more than happy to help remind you of how far you've come. Sometimes it takes an outside perspective to truly see things.

Red - I understand. But i always forget about it. And very/many times I missed out the small blocks and paths that I actually laid out.

Thanks for your help - seriously. I doubt anyone or whoever has such amount of strength and stamina like yours to keep up for so long. My colleagues at work already gave up on me... - I dont really blame them at all.

I hope you have a good day and that you can find something to ease your pain.

Take care

Well.. I don't know... of any more solutions other than bearing with it.

Thanks twistedsoul. Take care of yourself too.

@mytwistedsoul

Sorry, kinda struggled to pull some energy to reply.

I was looking into things a little and poor circulations pretty much covers every symptom you've been having. Digestion, fatigue, brain fog, joint pain and muscle cramps. I mean it's not set in stong of course but i could check a few off.

looked like i have troubled you abit. Thanks so much for taking time to look into it. Stuffs that I read before i.e. andrenal fatigue, anxiety, depression, malnutrition, etc... Not sure what you found though.

I can't believe your doctors don't look into it more. I mean they should be checking out all sorts of stuff to be an idea of what's going on. You shouldn't feel so tired all of the time. It just doesn't make any sense.

They just keep focusing on eating disorder, anorexia/arfid (avoidance restrictive food intake disorder)

And with the walking now. Your mind is tired but your body's saying lets go. Do you feel anxious or are you just compelled to walk? Like an urge to do it or something.

Truthfully. I have to say. Otherwise there will be no progress.

anxious - yes, sometimes to just to air the head. no, sometimes because of the latter

compelled - yes, sometimes is just like the "disordered" mindset of saying that oh, you havent "moved" any bit today, you should exercise abit. or the stupid "everyday" must exercise for better health habit. because the recommended guidelines said so. no, also because times i feel like really wanting to do it, the mood, the power is there. but the body is rejecting.

urge - sometimes yes, it comes its complusion, sometimes its anxiety, sometimes its a want

I was thinking with the pain in your knee joints that maybe gout? I mean it can bother your knee's too but from what I understand it usually starts in your big toes. I really didn't think the linaments would work. Like you said - it's just the menthol.

I thought gout is will swell and not able to walk?

I have a colleague whom is slightly "allergic" to peanuts and often gets it when he consume "good" food. and from the way i see it, its quite bad.

Sorry, what about the menthol?

With all that's going on, I can only imagine how you must be feeling. It's not hard to get to a point where everything feels like it's personal. Your self esteem is taking a major hit. We need to figure out what we can do to give it a boost.

Its how I perceive things i guess, and the habitual of taking things personally and to heart. - almost anything i also take it. truth, myth, etc. Hence even words from anyone, online/offline, etc.

It's easy to forget that it takes time - because it's has taken time - now you want some results. I don't blame you.

Thank you for pointing out. And thanks for understanding.

Hey No problem - I just wish I had some actual answers for you. I can understand the colleagues but at the same time, I can't help but feel they could have stuck by you a little. It's alittle disappointing.

It is ok. Hence there are times, where i feel like i should just move on. and not make things worse. yet i cant.

And also about work, many times i feel that i have let them down. and thoughts of leaving is always there. such that i do not drag the team down any more further... it is almost a year plus already... and closing to two.

My day is slowly coming to a close and your's is soon beginning - I hope you have a better day.

Take care

Thank you, and take care.

And thanks again for your help. Truly appreciate it.

@mytwisedsoul

I guess this is it. It is monday soon. Have return to office.

I wonder if it is a good idea. I even wonder if the MC is a good idea.

I believe my body's, mind's, mentality, behaviour, clock, is totally screwed up.

I doubt I can even function properly.

I'll understand if you ever need a break or just don't feel up to replying. I know I do it to you. Sometimes we just need time.

Hiaz. Seriously I need to learn to let go. Learn to recgonise that sometimes it is ok to just take a break. Not complusively everyday have to do the same thing and check in to reply.

Sometimes I think for things to work for me, is to only do it forcefully.

i.e. usually works especially during act of nature, for example -> Bad Weather, Rain, etc.

It was no trouble at all. I'm just trying to help you get some understanding with what's going on. I just wish I was a little more successful with my searches. I just looked up symptoms of poor circulation and the first thing that popped up was from Medical News Today.

Thank you twistedsoul. I dont think anyone would go to the extent of searching out for information about and for me. It is ok regardless of successfulness, the strength of your kind thoughts is very appreciated.

It just amazes me that they just stay so focused on your diet. I just think they'd be looking into everything.

I duno. Neither nor I can comment, as my mindset could be wrongly wired. It could be because it is "government" funded institutions, so cheaper quality of service? But if it is private doctors, they are gona cost like a premium, and no gurantees either. But never try also duno the result.

It's frustrating - yeah? Having the mood and the power to do something but your body says no way. How is everything feeling today? Still sore and tender? Have you tried soaking your legs in hot water? Putting ice might help too. I know hot water helps with circulation but ice helps with things hurting.

it is. To be honest, I dont really know what is going on. One day, it is better. One day it is not. Then today, I dont know what happened either. I was craving for a specific type of food. I made it and after first bite. I almost nausea'ted and close to vomit. - I suck

Never soak before, but I been applying alot of muscle creams. Actually it has been a long practise since my mid age. Hmm ice. Not very sure. Could it be due to the cold showers perhaps? Change to hot water shower back? I duno why i started following the stupid fad trend of cold showers.

Gout does cause swelling but sometimes depending on where it's located it's not as noticable. Like I said I'm just kind of grasping at straws. But I don't want you over thinking any of my suggestions either. So I mean I can stop passing this information if it's doing more harm than good. Just say the word - I won't be offended or anything.

I see. Swelling on the foot only occured once when I went A&E for the cheekbone swelling the other day. That was when my mum pointed out. But after a dose of antibiotics and strong painkillers, it subsided.

Its ok. Don't worry about it. It is good to share experiences, knowledge. It is good to help "expand" my general knowledge, which is very very seriously poor, partly due to my isolation and anti-social mindset. However partly also due to me, not wanting to learn and remember at times. which gives me alot of trouble.

That's why I try to leave you with good thoughts. I don't want you taking anything I say to heart in a bad way. I honestly have nothing but good intentions.

Oh... now i see what you are trying to help me with. It is ok. I have to learn to manage. But these "things" have to be learnt/trained over time. Not a one day kind of thing. Not to say of course that it helps if it is filtered away by others, whom can assist.

So dont' worry about it for now. Take it a step at a time.

It's not as though you're intentionally trying to let everyone down. There are things going on with you that you don't understand. Things you're trying to make sense of. Things you're trying to make better. You are trying. That shouldn't be held against you.

Red - Sorry. I cant seem to see it. Thank you for reminding.

Blue - Again, it seem to be problematic for me, because I dont see it that way. I kept taking it like that others are judging me, watching me, kind of thing. Although yea that sometimes they are kinda of a keeping a lookout "for me" in a good intent, but I misinterpreted it another.

I hope - I hope so many things for you Mike. Peace and understanding. Patience. Answers. They have to be somewhere.

Please be gentle with yourself. You are more than welcome. Take care

No idea twistedsoul. I certainly hope things to be better. One day.

Even if it is the last day of my breathe.

Thank you. You too have a good day.

I'm sorry if i missed out replies or showing care concern for you. I'm not really good in that area. and ability to show, express my concerns and thoughts for you and others.

Hey, I'm new to 7 cups but I've heard good things and am reading better things, but I'm lost where to go now. I say that in more than one way by far... My issues may be moreso LGBTQ related, I'm just really not sure, and don't have anyone close to talk to with these things... So the annonymity of the internet is where I've come for answers, though I don't know if I'll get any. So, for now, Hi.