I like having depression.
I really like having depression. I feel like it protects me. It never lets me down. I'm afraid that one day it will just go away and, I will be happy, I will achieve my goals, I will find all the things I have been looking for but, then I will be pushed right back into my dark corner. I don't want to experience something that I may not always have. I hate being let down. I'm such a hopeful person and, having lots of hope sucks because I am putting myself in jeopardy of being let down, which always happens and, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of giving people trust, which also gives them a license to hurt me, which they use. I'm tired of those little gleams of confidence coming only to be washed away a second later by an ad on TV or, a girl at my school. I HATE being vulnerable. I like being depressed. It never sets me up for failure because it never gives me a chance to be brave and actually be open to failing. It protects me from going deeper into the darkness and, I am thankful for that. I know this may seem stupid but, it's true.