Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?

Not grate, but compared to yesterday, today I'm happy as an Easter bunny... my comparisons are grate, too, as you see

I have been battling depression for a long time and I believe anxiety has come into play as well. I thought I could battle this alone and in my mind I was winning, but I've seen my motivation diminish, love distance and a feeling of hurt that I can't shake. Creativity only makes it worse

Truthfully, I feel guilty. I feel like I have no right to be depressed. My home life is great - I have a beautiful daughter and a wonderful husband, but the rest of my life is getting to me. I have always battled depression. I have never had friends. I never found my "tribe". The few friendships I have had, I feel like I have had to do all of the work - I do all of the reaching out, all of the effort to maintain contact. At this point, I won't do it more than a few times before I let go. So I have no friends to speak of. My job is socially isolating, and the few people I do interact with during the day only talk to me because they have to. I have been pretty firmly rebuffed more than once. The thing is, I'm not socially impaired or anything; I'm just no good at small talk and chatting. I don't want to talk about what was on TV last night, or the football game last weekend; but I'll talk all day about philosophy and books and music... if I could ever find anyone who cares about those things, and who understands why they're important.

Sorry for offloading. The further downside to having no friends is that I have no one to talk to, and so when I start talking it gets out of hand.

Flat, empty, alone, and I like I don't matter to anyone, really, even thought I count them as friends. I feel like could disappear and people would notice the loss and just move right along in their lives because nothing about me matters to them.

Anxious. Irritable. Sleepy.

I don't see the point in anything anymore I'm so freaking unhappy and I can't hold on much longer.

Somehow when I watch Monty Python I become happier than I've ever been.

Becoming self aware and positive is fun

I feel lonely , disappointed, hurt ,and stress.

I just started a relationship that I feel very unhappy about it. Feel like I'm the only one that actually working so hard in the relationship and on the other hand my boyfriend is like I don't give a shit. It crazy to say that many people would say, you just started if he not the right person then why not move on? I believe walking away from a relationship is just easy. And I alway like to keep working on my relationship until it come to the point that there nothing we could do to save it. Or maybe I just don't want to see myself dating from one guy to the next. But it frustrate me when I feel like I'm the only one that care and show how much love I put into it.

I feel a lot better today.