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Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?
I feel i want to go to the roof, sit on the edge, cloae my eyes and lean back.
TW: self harm and abuse
Right now I feel like I've disassociated. Memories from the past months feel hazy and unreal and idk what I'm feeling. It's not fear, not grief and despair, not anger...
Just emptiness.
And I just wanna punch my arm until it turns swollen and purple, or just hurt myself really badly. The good thing is I haven't cut myself or otherwise intentionally self harmed myself in a week.
But its getting harder and harder to even try to resist.
I feel like I've been brainwashed by my ex. Now I'm just doubting myself and my own feelings, missing this person who only used me for sex and never cared about me.
They had nothing to lose, and now that they're gone I have to deal with everything, all the damage and hurt and pain. They're having fun on the other side of the world while I'm here throwing up at the memory of them touching me sexually when I didn't want them to.
I don't even know what I feel about anything anymore. Myself? I don't know I don't even feel like I exist. My ex? I don't know, it fluctuates between missing the old him and feeling this rage for him refusing to take accountability for his action.
I need help.
I feel conflicted today. About a week in of consistently taking my medication again and today I forgot to taking until late afternoon. Went on a really good first date earlier and I think we really clicked. I'm excited about it but I'm also really scared because I have been building up walls for the past 3 years. My heart feels heavy because I don't know if he will see me differently after he learns about my struggle with depression, if we even get that far. I'm also surprised that it went so well as he is 11 years older than I am. Going to try to keep myself busy for the rest of the evening now. Hope all out there is having an okay day.
I feel alone even though physically, I'm not. Seriously, my husband is sitting at the other end of the sofa.
I feel desperate and hopeless.
I feel old (and I kind of am...).
Deeply deeply sad.
And I feel like no one understands me. No matter how I try to explain what depression and anxiety really are, my husband still seems to think I should be able to just snap out of it but I just can't. I didn't decide to feel this way so I can't just wave my hand and make it go away.
Trust me I know what you're going through its pretty rough I got through depression by myself and felt like I wasn't going to make it but remember ... Pain is temporary ! Trust me it will get better!!! Over the few months I went through depression I learned it's all in your head. You just gotta keep in mind that you will not feel this way for the rest of your life I know it may not seem that way right now but... You are a fighter and you will get through this darkness
Hi... Thank you for your supportive words. It helps me feel less alone.
You're telling my story. Alone while not actually by myself. It took 3 years for my husband to realize I can't "snap out of it"...that I'm not "indulging" in depression...that treatment for depression does not always work, kind of like treatment for cancer. Depression is real. Kindness doesn't cure depression, but at least it doesn't make it worse. I send you a kindred heart.
I feel sad. I feel like everything is my fault. I feel like a failure.
I'm frustrated because I've got a close friend telling me that it's not that hard to stop thinking bad thoughts and that it's easy to think happy thoughts, and that if I can't think happy thoughts then I'm doomed. He doesn't understand that it's not that simple. And it's making me feel worse because I hate feeling like I'm failing my friends.
Ugh I f--king hate when people say that! I didn't choose to be this way! Don't you think if it was that easy I would've done it by now! I'm not stupid. Geez . Yeah I definitely know how you feel
Scared. I feel like I've become someone that I don't recognize anymore, the things I do the things I say, they scare me to no end that I could be someone like me.
I feel like I need to stop thinking to move forward. You consume me and when your not here to calm me I get mentally overwhelmed. I need to just breathe
I feel angry, betrayed, hurt, and sad that the one I love and care deeply about doesn't feel the same. Angry that she would betray my feelings after being open and honest. Hurt that even after everything that's happen she doesn't care enough to talk about it. Sad that I had to take control and make a decision that was best for us, and that even then in that moment she couldn't be open and honest with me.
I fell like the whole world is against me and sometimes I purposely hit my head on things to take away the pain. (Sorry for being graphic)
I feel like I can't get out of bed, or shower, or get dressed.
I feel exactly the same way... right now. You're definitely not alone.
I had plans today to have breakfast out with an acquaintance...I forced myself to accept the invitation....so on my day off, I woke up early, even brought my son, dressed nice, sat there for a long while...and finally I called, and the person "forgot".
THIS is why I don't like people. And precisely why having friends is too much effort.
People suck.
Oh my goodness. You're kidding right? That's terrible. Obviously this "friend" wasn't a very good one. <3
The main thing to take away from this is that you went out with your Son. What did you guys do after that?
I have a little girl, she is two and manages to pull me from depression. There where people I knew that did the same thing to me as they did to you and I used to get hung up on that moment. Feeling abandoned and forgot what I had.
So now I try to remember that I have my daughter and try to make a day of it. I concentrate on making time with her while I am not at work.
Do the same with your son. Remember you have him and spend some quality time with him. Try to remember the good times as a mum because friends come and go but family is forever!
I hope this helps you.
thank you. We sat and had a nice breakfast out. I called my husband and he joined us....I just felt disrespected. My time is valuable and this person didn't regard that. We are grown up not 13 so when someone makes a brunch date with me I write it down and show up.
So in general, I avoid exposing myself to this kind of thing. And she's the one who invited me, lol. Go figure.
There are just people that never grow up. With them... Wear your heart on your sleeve and those that meter to you, have it where it will matter most.
I am glad you turned it around and made a better day of it. You deserved a better out come :-)
My heart goes out to you. For me, it takes so much effort to get up, get dressed, get someone else dressed, and then go out into the world while carrying this HUGE depression. You deserve a metal for showing up. Thank you for sharing what happened and how you feel.
I'm sorry I have people that say they will get back to me and then I hear nothing. It's just and makes me feel bad that they think it's ok to do that. I would've gone with ya! :)
I'm feeling very, very fed up with people and their unrealistic expectations of me. Just leaving my room and actually talking to someone is a big deal and it takes a lot of effort, so why is that not good enough for now? Why can't anyone see that I can't do 389 impossible things at once?
I really feel for you. Depression is so misunderstood by people who don't have it. If I appear to be making any small progress, the people in my life think I'm "better" and then want more from me. It has taken 3 years for my husband to ask me how I'm doing Instead of assuming what he wants to be true. I'm walking this road with you.
People are indeed very quick to assume what they want to be true. It coincides with comments like "you look much better lately", which makes it so much harder to tell someone I'm not doing better at all, or worse even. It's very hard to communicate depression to anyone and it makes it more difficult to actually go out there and face my fears, because more often than not I feel ten times worse when talking to people. I don't want to hear that I should just "exercise more" or to "just think positively". I understand they are just trying to help, but it actually does the opposite, especially when they then turn around and say "but you're not really trying, you're just lying in bed all day". Or that I'm not getting better because I never listen to their advice, because I'm "too lazy".
Ugh, sorry for ranting to you, but your comment spoke to me on many levels.
Thank you for your ranty thoughts. I don't want or need advice from friends and family about how to fix my depression, I need acceptance, true understanding and compassion.
Talking to someone is enough. You don't need to do more then that if you don't want to.
Take things in small stages. Start off with having a conversation with someone then next time go out and have coffee or go to the cinema or go shopping.
The thing to remember is to challenge yourself but at the same time not to give yourself to much. People are people, I work in retail and I have seen the very stupid but I have also seen the very intelligent and competent (they are far and few between but they are out there).
So take things at your own pace.
I hope this helps.
Thank you for this! It's motivating to know there are people who do see that very small steps can actually be huge improvements. I'm trying very hard and it's hurtful that the only thing others seem to see is all the things I can't do.
Anyway, thank you <3 You're very kind
I have been where you are and although I don't know your situation (I won't even pretend that I do) I do know your feelings and emotions.
You are not alone.
Keep posting on here and let us know how your doing. We are here to help!
@sarahmac1983, can we help you in some way? I know being overwhelmed with life's events is an awful feeling. I'm glad that you've reached out to us.
Let me tell how are you feeling today. I hope today your brain is kinder to your.
I feel ok today. I had a problem with how my husband treated me in comparison to some family members and I think I've accepted that things won't change unless I help make a change. People only treat you the way you allow them to. Think it's time I start doing that :)
@HisBestFriend1030, you've realized the hidden truth which so rarely people are willing to accept. You, and only you, are in power to choose the way how to react. You are able to choose one thought over another and that is the secret of healthy mindset. I'm proud of you, darling.
Wish you all the best!
Overwhelmed. Splinter in my foot and possibly one in my finger. Loooong day. -_-