Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?

Today i dont want to face anyone i just want to sleep forever and not wake up. Im here in body thats about it. I just go through the motions of each day and hope to get to the end of the day. from the outside people think im fine, i smile i help i listen and care but on the inside im dark and broken.

Today I feel like I will never genuinely want to be alive. It wasn't my choice to be here and I dont't want to continie living. Everyone is trying to push me around amd force me along for their convenience. I wish I had never existed. Being alive ia just an endless pain in the ass.

Today I feel like suicidal

I am not suicidal, but I feel pushed to suicide.
Like, I studied for 2/3 of my life and now I can't find a decent job. I have had so many bad things happen to me in the past few years and people have been so mean to me.

The most painful example: my Basic Design teacher told me I would never amount to anything and should never try to draw because I have a dirty soul that is full of horrible things. This was a man who was paid to encourage us students to come out of our shells and grow creatively in the first 2 years of Art School. The result is that I haven't been able to put pen/brushto paper ever since. That was in 2008!

I've been unemployed for 3 years and now all the jobs I do find pay so little and so exploiting that I do not see how I will survive and carry on.

I am so tired of pretending I am full of youthful motivation and drive when all I want is a decent life, but the world has no room for me and I am reminded that every day.

Also, I have seen 3 therapists so far. Somehow, they are all very privileged people who judged me and who told me that my problems aren't real or serious.

On top of that, I am alone in a new country and I have no friends/support system. I am out of solutions.

I feel like leaving the world because everything is starting to crumble. The thought is becoming more and more prominent like a oncoming storm. This is not been a good two weeks for me.

i feel hapy, relaxed n a bit confident!

i feel hapy, relaxed n a bit confident!

I hate myself

any one catch the number of the truck that hit me? could get barely get out of bed this morning, called in sick to work and got some one take my kids. not that i feel bad or anything im actually in a prettygood mood. more like someone shut off my power switch, I feel likeI have lead weights strapped to my body.

all this after yesterdays high, I think I need a little chat with my doctor aboutthe medicationsside affects on me. this is weird

I'm not sure. Today was weird. I've been highly emotional lately and I'm not sure entirely why. I was upset this morning because plans were changed and I was frustrated then crazy scary 2 hour drive in a blizzard which shook me up enough to get me to snap out of my darkness a little. Not looking forward to my fiance being at work tomorrow, he's been such a major support, I'm worried time alone will send me back into the deep dark hole that I'm barely coming out of. One day at a time and I hope each is better. Here's to hoping.