Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?
I'm new to the forum. But I just need to talk. I've been battling depression for years, and I've never gone on any kind of medication. But I can't get out of my head and I'm so upset and sad all the time. I try not to get angry or frustrated or upset so easily, but I do. When I was younger I was able to fight it off and say that depression wasn't worth it, because life is really good. And now I have a fiancé that makes me so happy and some friends. But I feel so isolated and separated and it's awful. I am trying to be happy and I am trying to fight it. But I feel so powerless against this sadness. It is overwhelming. Please help me. I don't want to be like this.
Lovely @Kds9210, I'm so glad that you've reached out to us! I'm Celaeno and I also struggle with depression, it's very nice to meet you ^^
Depression is overwhelming, as if the whole universe disappeared and only it was left in for me to recollect. Like a wicked punishment for something I didn't do. Only numbness, self-hatred, bitterness around me - even worse, inside me - and no hope for a better tomorrow. Slowly and steadily I am losing my will to fight it anymore. Because what's the point? More bitterness, more hate? Why insisting on keeping going? Living like this is hell and I don't deserve it.
You don't deserve it either. I want to hug you, shield you from the darkness and tell you that everything's okay, that you are not alone in your struggle. That it isn't your fault. It's no one else's fault. You have depression and that's it. Your brain is lying to you and that's the reason for your despair. You can have a perfect life, and still feel wretched. This illness is real and your feelings are valid.
It's trying to deceive you, speaking sly insinuations that you are nothing, that you can't manage your emotions, that obstacles in you life are impenetrable. It overwhelms you with anxiety and guilt. It's wrong. You are worth every nice thing in the universe. You are strong and can overcome anything life throws at you. You are courageous to face your sufferings every day and insisting on not giving in. You are unique and incredible. I am proud of you. You are doing such a great job.
Living with depression can be excessively painful, but fortunately there are people in this world who can help you. I don't know if you've already done it, but I strongly advise you to talk to your doctor, if you haven't. You can then discuss various treatment options - not only medication - and choose the ones you are most comfortable with. You really don't have to suffer, there is a way out of it.
Please, learn more about your illness. Read lots of articles, watch movies, ask your doctor questions, hear about other's experiences with it. Did you know that 10% of the entire human population has or had depression? And did you know that statistically it is curable with a 80% rate? Or that before 2020 it will be the second most common malady, according to WHO? Educate yourself, so you'll know what are the weaknesses of your enemy. If you want to know my thoughts on how it is to be depressed, I encourage you to visit this thread. Some people said I managed to capture the essence of it. Read it, so you can learn if it resonates with you.
And remember that you can talk any time with us. Just connect with a listener - either click a button "Need support immediately?" or choose a specific listener. Or come to us i na support chat room. We are her for you. We've got your back, lovely.
You don't have to be limited by it. You have depression, but depression doesn't have you. You are more than your struggles. You are worth the treatment, and you are worth a life free from the pain. You are beautiful and lovely. You deserve the best of universes, amazing soul.
Please, take a good care of yourself. Let me know, if I can help you. Maybe you would like some resources to start with? I am here for you, darling.
*hugs*
Right now I feel upset and hurt and angry and like I can do nothing about it. I feel strapped to my bed like a gurny and I can get up no matter what. My head hurt and I'm emotionally exhausted but my mind keeps me awake thinking of a million thing. I wish I could get off this horrible ride. My heart hurts.
I'm so sorry to heart that, @Efflorescence1215. You don't deserve this pain. You are worth a life without suffering. Wonderful and amazing, you are worth the oceans of love
Just lay in your bed, resting, and let me take care of you. Let me hug you tightly and shield you from the heartaches. Let me bring you soft pillows and a blanket. Let me bake you cookies. Let me give you a bright night sky to admire stars. Let me be gentle and kind towards yourself, even if you don't feel you're worth it.
You don't have to push yourself. You are strong. You are fighting everyday and it's exhausting, and seems like a never-ending battle, but still you are doing it. You are worth so much more than this darkness around you. You deserve a good rest, and no anxious thoughts, no pain. You are lovely and wonderful, and I'm here for you. I care.
I am proud of you.
*hugs*
Love!
I was doing good for a while. Mostly due to being distracted with college and stuff I guess.. But I had a bad day today. One of those days where everything just goes wrong. And now I feel like I'm relapsing into depression again. I'm just so lonely and its unbearable. I have no one to talk to. No one to share my life with. I have nothing. And no one even notices, and that only makes it worse. I could really use a hug :'(
Hi Kiero :) I'm sorry you're going through those feelings. Relapsing into depression is a hard fall, I've been there, and sometimes the thought of it happening again terrifies and limits me. Just know, even if you do relapse, it will be okay. You were strong enough to come out of it before, and you'll be able to again. Depression happens, and sometimes it's inevitable for those with clinical/ chemical depression. But that's okay, don't be hard on yourself about it. Practice being gentle with yourself about it and taking small steps of self care to ease the fall. Even posting in this thread was a major and great step towards lifting yourself from depression and of self care. You're not alone. You found a community. Take care.
One big hug, cause at times we all need one.
I know who you feel sweetie *hugs* it,will all be ok xxx
I feel okay today, but I'm never even through the whole day. Earlier in the day I was anxious and extremely self critical. Talking with a listener, a nice hot bath, and some aroma therapy has lifted my spirits. I'm thankful to have the little things, but I wish I didn't need to do so much to pick myself up. I also wish I didn't need to be picked up so often. I spend so much of my day doing self care to get myself to a place where I can be productive or social or etc, that I still am unable to get much done.
@CrackleBerryPop, I'm so proud of you! You are doing such a great job with caring about yourself. Darling, you inspire me ^^ I wil also try to focus more on my well-being today.
*hugs and showers you with rose petals*
Today, i feel drained completely for no reason. It seems like my life is just a continuous boreing cycle that cant be broken. Nothing seems to have a lot of meaning and i cant find joy in anything.
@energeticSpring4866, sometimes we enter these dark times and it seems there's no escape from it. You just need to grit your teeth, and get through this day - its hours, and minutes, and seconds. Don't push yourself, you're already doing so much, darling. You're doing a great job.
I'm here for you.
*hugs*
Celaeno, YOU are my hero!!!
I feel like I'm not really inside my body, like I don't have control over my body. I was bullied and hurt now I can barely look in the mirror without crying because of my face, or my acne that won't go away.
I'm so sorry that you have been bullied, @modestPal9019. You don't deserve it, darling. You are lovely. You are brave. Let mu hug you, wonderful.
I don't look at myself in mirrors either. I hate to see my reflection. Not because I have acne - I'm in a similar boat as you on that - but because I just can't stand my sight. I think I am wretched. But that's okay. I don't have to look at myself. Someday it will change, but for now I'm not focusing on that. I struggle with a greater foe which is my own brain.
My lovely, can I share with you a quote I really like? It's by Beau Taplin:
Today I feel like I'm the worst person in the world. My sister is going through something at work, my sister-in-law is going through some stuff with her ex, both of whom have involved the police in their matters. My partner is talking to people online which is sending my anxiety through the roof, and all I want to do is sit and cry. What doesn't help is my partner is and I are having to move into separate accommodations. I'm moving back home because of physical problems I'm having, and he's getting a place on his own. So yeah, I feel like the whole world is against me. But thanks for asking and sharing your story too. Thank you for letting me vent x
Lovely @KatieAndrews, you can go in here and vent whenever you like ^^ We are here for you.
But gosh, I can see why do you feel so overwhelmed. There's a lot of going on in your life. It's good that you've reached out to us.
Sending you a little song as a gift. Music is a powerful tool for me to relax, and I thought maybe you need it today. I hope I'll see you around!
*hugs*
Feel dead and hurt at the same time, and now I'm having heart palpitations. Maybe I will die and my family can collect my life insurance and be rid of me. Win - win.
@dynamicBirch566, I think you're mistaken, if I may voice my concerns. I don't know situation in your house, so maybe it will be a win scenario for your family, but unfortunately you will lose in here. And it will be a big loss.
There's a flaw in your logic, you see. Because you want to be dead now, right? To stop the waves of this overwhelming pain. You don't deserve this suffering, I agree on that. But if you die, you won't enjoy the relief, because your body will cease to feel any sensations at all. You won't experience the peace. No calm, no quietness, nothing. So that's not the right action to take for you, if you want to feel better.
Let me propose you something else. Postpone for a while your plans, and just connect right now with a listener. I recommend you anyone from this list - they are verified and I'm sure they will listen to you fully, and do everything what's in their power to help you to find a better solution. They will help to ease your pain.
Let me know how are you feeling after the chat. I'd be still around here. I'd love to hear from you again, lovely.
Lots of hugs!
I really have no idea how i feel today ..like there isnt just one word to describe it
@AeroRoze3, sometimes I think my depression has only 3 settings: numbness, confusion or sadness .-.
I forgot to hug you! And I think it was such a regrettable mistake, I'm going to fix it right now ^^
*hugs*
@Celaeno , Now that i think about it i can totally agree. i feel all of those and more today.
And thank you for the hug,, *Bear Hug* right back to you. Haven't had one of those in some time so i do appreciate it 
@AeroRoze3, thank you! To be honest, I needed that ^^ You're great!
@Celaeno , Oh you're very welcome! I'm happy to help. & You are pretty awesome yourself =) I am grateful for your replies, i didn't expect to get any
TW: emotional and sexual trauma, self harm mention
I just got out of a bad relationship, one where I was being emotionally manipulated. I was coerced into having sex with him the first few times and he used my depression and self harm to get us in bed together.
It hurt me a lot, and so today when he broke up with me(cause he's leaving the country in a few days), I decided to come clean and tell him exactly how I felt.
He flipped out and basically he gaslighted me, saying his intention wasn't to hurt me and basically pinned it on my mental illness. He turned the tables on me, saying I hurt him and he just started cussing at me(all for telling him how I felt). He never even apologized once and didn't even try to empathize with how I felt.
This was all through text, cause we were both busy at the time. He got so mad and said I should have told him earlier in person. But it is kind of scary to think about, considering how mad he got in the texts. What would he have done in real life?
So good riddance, he turned out to be disappointing. I'm free now, to do what I want. And it feels good. I can breathe again.
@bravestwarrior, I'm so proud of you! No matter how difficult it was for you, I think it was worth all of your efforts. If thanks to removing this toxic relationship from your life, you can breathe deeply again, I say: to hell with him! You deserve so much better and compromising your health is definitely not worth it, lovely.
Wow, you're simply amazing ^^
*hugs*
Aw thank you <3 it was hard but I made it, I'm still alive and it feels great. I do deserve better, and its about time I told him how I felt.
Now to keep on swimming and living my life. I can do this. I can do this!
Stay safe and happy, friend <3 <3.
@bravestwarrior, what an appropriate username! What you did indeed was brave. And it was the right thing to do, too. No one should have to deal with such a toxic relationship. Well done <3
Thank you so much! I feel free now, and I'm glad I kept myself levelheaded through it all.
He wasn't worth my time, so I'm glad he's out of my life now.
I feel like I've been brave for once in my life by sticking up for myself, and I want to continue to do so. <3