Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?

You said medicine, hobbies and social connection didn't work. Nothing has worked and you are really waiting for the end is what I got from your post. There is one thing you haven't tried which might work. Self compassion. You said some really mean things about yourself. There is a bully inside your brain constantly beating you up. Every time you try to stand up it knocks you down and beats you up again. You need to get rid of this bully. Because as long as this bully exists, nothing and no one from the outside can reach you because the bully inside has a firm grip. Imagine yourself as another person for a moment. If there was another person just like you, with the same intentions as you, with the same feelings as you, someone who has fought as long as you, would you say such cruel things to that person? Every time that person tried to live, tried to hope, would you attack them with such vicious statements?

I appreciate what you're saying, but I don't think I'm bad person, and people like me as a person, but I've both been told to my face and have heard second hand that I'm too problematic to get close to. Many of the single women my age have already left a former husband or boyfriend because of their soul sucking mental illness or other severe problems. They might love me as a friend, but they sure as hell don't want to take on another chronically mentally ill or problematic relationship when there are a lot of good guys out there who can hold down a job and don't have so many severe problems. Especially when they have kids or other serious obligations.

I've got a very broad social network, I've been to school and have worked in a lot of the big cities where I'm at, and the rejection is constant and directly related to my chronic, treatment resistant depression. I just lost the best job possible for me because I "have too many problems," and I average two jobs a year. I'm being realistic. People look at a lot of things when they consider being ready for a partner, and I'm a hill covered in red flags. I can both be a really good friend and not a good candidate for a partner, even if friendship is the cornerstone of most people's relationships.

Whenever I get my hopes up, it backfires. I'm not saying this as depression masquerading as a person, I'm saying this as a person rendered depressed by constant failures, professional and personal.

I was born with these issues, and I'll die with them. Depression has an 80% cure rate, which means 1/5 people don't get cured. I've got the treatment resistant form. That doesn't make me a bad person, or a failure. Never meeting my own or others expectations does that. I can't control what turns other people off. I can't control how my bosses will react to me having an episode of intense grief after my friend dies. I can't control a disease that defies the most state of the art treatment. I have to cope with how my life actual is, and pretending it is something different can literally kill me with grief. I've been trying to tell myself otherwise over over half my life, and it sets me up to fail with potentially life threatening consequences.

Hmm okay I see what you are saying. You are right that it would be difficult to live with a person who has mental health issues and that's a challenge most don't want to take. A few will though. I watched a show of extremely supportive spouses of schizophrenic patients which is worse bc their partners could turn on them any second, there was a husband that almost got stabbed by his wife when she was off her meds. But honestly finding that is like finding a needle in a haystack but hey it still leaves a little hope as opposed to no hope. But back to your depression. Why do you think you are in the small percentage that is incurable? Is your depression a result of chemical imbalances, traumatic experiences, or just overwhelming dark thoughts? Do you practice any self care techniques? You said people like you as a friend and you seem like you are not out to hurt anyone so I just wish you wouldn't be feeling so hopeless and sentence yourself to a life of sadness. Nobody deserves to feel like that.

I have a question, and was wondering if anyone could maybe help me? It has to do with self harm

What do you need, Hun? http://www.7cups.com/25083000

@LexieStrickland, of course!

@calmSkies1996 offers to talk to you - you can send here a private message to start chat - or you can see this thread.

Please take care, my lovely!

Well, my day started out with a upsetting phone call with my dad. My emotions soon turned into fear when I had to take medicine for the cold I have right now. And some time later, I (literally) got a heavy feeling in my heart after being the reason why one of my most precious friends is extremely, well, upset. But, I haven't told her yet and I'm afraid of the consequences that'll come with it. And, well, now, I'm concerned about one of my other friends (who is also friends with the friend I'm afraid of confessing my mistake to) who is extremely close to not being friends with her (the girl friend mentioned earlier) anymore.

And, I'm sort of falling back into depression, after two months of depression-free life. I miss talking to a special guy friend of mine, who's too busy with school to talk to anyone online right now. And I feel he might hate me since I was sort of a sadist around him. But, I apologized over and over. And, I feel like whenever I write a paragraph about him (good things) I feel like I'm not being honest with myself amd that something is missing. I don't know.

I'm sorry this is so long. I guess I got a little, carried away..

Dear @Suiren, I can see there is a lot of going on in your life. It's okay to feel overwhelmed by all of your worries. You don't have to feel sorry, we are here for you to listen.

Did you try to connect with a listener in 1-on-1 chat? I find it very helpful to be talked and be heard at the same time.

Sending you lots of hugs, my lovely!

Today I feel anxious. I feel bad. Not good at all. Hoping some sleep will help, but I'm too filled with anxiety to sleep

I know that feeling oh too well, I hope you feel better 💗

Today I feel more pain than I have felt in such a long time.... just stayed in bed crying all day

I'm so sorry to hear that, @communicatingStrawberries2688. How are you feeling now? Did you managed to have some rest?

*hugs gently and strokes your hair*

@Celaeno thank you. I am feeling so emotionally unstable... but I am still here and fighting... which may or may not be a good thing....

@communicatingStrawberries2688, being brave is always a good thing. No matter how painful it is for you to keep holding on your grip on hope, you are doing a great job.

I am proud of you.

Lots of hugs!

Today I don't feel at all. There is just that feeling of emptiness. I'd give anything to feel something.

I would give anything to just feel nothing....

Me too...

@dreyy96, I recognize the feeling of numbness. It's nauseating and overwhelming, and seems to have no end. It makes you an outcast of this universe, unable to connect, to feel anything. You know that you should feel something, but it's impossible for you ta change channels in your mood TV. You slowly stop trying to pretend. It's too exhausting.

I struggle with a similar monster, lovely, and I'm here for you. Sometimes we just need to grit our teeth and keep trying, keep holding on, even if it's seems pointless.

You can do it, wonderful. You're strong, you fought for so long, and I believe in you.

*hugs tightly*

My heart feels heavy. Idk why. I just feel sad for no reason and I'm a bit anxious. I'm currently at a party witch makes me a bit shaky that my feet start moving up and down. This happens a lot when I'm at party's. I prefer being alone with no one around me. I feel depressed. No other words to put it in

I'm totally in the same boat. Am at a party and I've been trying to feel like a part of the group and have conversation but even if I just left, probably nobody would care.

@Marlon29 and @tinyDoReMit, feeling alone in a crowd full of people, and pretending that you're feeling just fine, no depression whatsoever - is so lonely. And so exhausting. I'm sorry you are both feeling that way. You are worth understanding from people who would support you. We are here for you, lovelies. We will listen.

*gentle group hug*

I feel really alone tonight, for some reason. I haven't felt this horrible in a long time. I should probably go to sleep but the thought of sleeping by myself scares me.

Dear @coffeeandpoetry32, I'm sorry to hear you have troubles with sleeping. DId you managed to get some rest? Please let me know, I care about you.

Would you like some kind of distraction? Shifting your focus could maybe help you relax before you go to sleep, would you like that? If so, here's one of my favourite game to calm down, and here you can listen to the stars reassuring you. And here a soft voice will guide your breath. And here is a "sleep clinic" video to help you fall asleep.

I can't do much more, but please accept these soft pillows and my hugs.

*hugs*

I feel great for once it feel so good to have a good day

I'm so happy to hear that, @bananna424! Please pass the good vibes on ^^

I'm new to the forum. But I just need to talk. I've been battling depression for years, and I've never gone on any kind of medication. But I can't get out of my head and I'm so upset and sad all the time. I try not to get angry or frustrated or upset so easily, but I do. When I was younger I was able to fight it off and say that depression wasn't worth it, because life is really good. And now I have a fiancé that makes me so happy and some friends. But I feel so isolated and separated and it's awful. I am trying to be happy and I am trying to fight it. But I feel so powerless against this sadness. It is overwhelming. Please help me. I don't want to be like this.

Lovely @Kds9210, I'm so glad that you've reached out to us! I'm Celaeno and I also struggle with depression, it's very nice to meet you ^^

Depression is overwhelming, as if the whole universe disappeared and only it was left in for me to recollect. Like a wicked punishment for something I didn't do. Only numbness, self-hatred, bitterness around me - even worse, inside me - and no hope for a better tomorrow. Slowly and steadily I am losing my will to fight it anymore. Because what's the point? More bitterness, more hate? Why insisting on keeping going? Living like this is hell and I don't deserve it.

You don't deserve it either. I want to hug you, shield you from the darkness and tell you that everything's okay, that you are not alone in your struggle. That it isn't your fault. It's no one else's fault. You have depression and that's it. Your brain is lying to you and that's the reason for your despair. You can have a perfect life, and still feel wretched. This illness is real and your feelings are valid.

It's trying to deceive you, speaking sly insinuations that you are nothing, that you can't manage your emotions, that obstacles in you life are impenetrable. It overwhelms you with anxiety and guilt. It's wrong. You are worth every nice thing in the universe. You are strong and can overcome anything life throws at you. You are courageous to face your sufferings every day and insisting on not giving in. You are unique and incredible. I am proud of you. You are doing such a great job.

Living with depression can be excessively painful, but fortunately there are people in this world who can help you. I don't know if you've already done it, but I strongly advise you to talk to your doctor, if you haven't. You can then discuss various treatment options - not only medication - and choose the ones you are most comfortable with. You really don't have to suffer, there is a way out of it.

Please, learn more about your illness. Read lots of articles, watch movies, ask your doctor questions, hear about other's experiences with it. Did you know that 10% of the entire human population has or had depression? And did you know that statistically it is curable with a 80% rate? Or that before 2020 it will be the second most common malady, according to WHO? Educate yourself, so you'll know what are the weaknesses of your enemy. If you want to know my thoughts on how it is to be depressed, I encourage you to visit this thread. Some people said I managed to capture the essence of it. Read it, so you can learn if it resonates with you.

And remember that you can talk any time with us. Just connect with a listener - either click a button "Need support immediately?" or choose a specific listener. Or come to us i na support chat room. We are her for you. We've got your back, lovely.

You don't have to be limited by it. You have depression, but depression doesn't have you. You are more than your struggles. You are worth the treatment, and you are worth a life free from the pain. You are beautiful and lovely. You deserve the best of universes, amazing soul.

Please, take a good care of yourself. Let me know, if I can help you. Maybe you would like some resources to start with? I am here for you, darling.

*hugs*

Right now I feel upset and hurt and angry and like I can do nothing about it. I feel strapped to my bed like a gurny and I can get up no matter what. My head hurt and I'm emotionally exhausted but my mind keeps me awake thinking of a million thing. I wish I could get off this horrible ride. My heart hurts.

I'm so sorry to heart that, @Efflorescence1215. You don't deserve this pain. You are worth a life without suffering. Wonderful and amazing, you are worth the oceans of love

Just lay in your bed, resting, and let me take care of you. Let me hug you tightly and shield you from the heartaches. Let me bring you soft pillows and a blanket. Let me bake you cookies. Let me give you a bright night sky to admire stars. Let me be gentle and kind towards yourself, even if you don't feel you're worth it.

You don't have to push yourself. You are strong. You are fighting everyday and it's exhausting, and seems like a never-ending battle, but still you are doing it. You are worth so much more than this darkness around you. You deserve a good rest, and no anxious thoughts, no pain. You are lovely and wonderful, and I'm here for you. I care.

I am proud of you.

*hugs*

Love!

I was doing good for a while. Mostly due to being distracted with college and stuff I guess.. But I had a bad day today. One of those days where everything just goes wrong. And now I feel like I'm relapsing into depression again. I'm just so lonely and its unbearable. I have no one to talk to. No one to share my life with. I have nothing. And no one even notices, and that only makes it worse. I could really use a hug :'(

Hi Kiero :) I'm sorry you're going through those feelings. Relapsing into depression is a hard fall, I've been there, and sometimes the thought of it happening again terrifies and limits me. Just know, even if you do relapse, it will be okay. You were strong enough to come out of it before, and you'll be able to again. Depression happens, and sometimes it's inevitable for those with clinical/ chemical depression. But that's okay, don't be hard on yourself about it. Practice being gentle with yourself about it and taking small steps of self care to ease the fall. Even posting in this thread was a major and great step towards lifting yourself from depression and of self care. You're not alone. You found a community. Take care.

One big hug, cause at times we all need one.

I know who you feel sweetie *hugs* it,will all be ok xxx

I feel okay today, but I'm never even through the whole day. Earlier in the day I was anxious and extremely self critical. Talking with a listener, a nice hot bath, and some aroma therapy has lifted my spirits. I'm thankful to have the little things, but I wish I didn't need to do so much to pick myself up. I also wish I didn't need to be picked up so often. I spend so much of my day doing self care to get myself to a place where I can be productive or social or etc, that I still am unable to get much done.

@CrackleBerryPop, I'm so proud of you! You are doing such a great job with caring about yourself. Darling, you inspire me ^^ I wil also try to focus more on my well-being today.

*hugs and showers you with rose petals*

Today, i feel drained completely for no reason. It seems like my life is just a continuous boreing cycle that cant be broken. Nothing seems to have a lot of meaning and i cant find joy in anything.

@energeticSpring4866, sometimes we enter these dark times and it seems there's no escape from it. You just need to grit your teeth, and get through this day - its hours, and minutes, and seconds. Don't push yourself, you're already doing so much, darling. You're doing a great job.

I'm here for you.

*hugs*

Celaeno, YOU are my hero!!!

I feel like I'm not really inside my body, like I don't have control over my body. I was bullied and hurt now I can barely look in the mirror without crying because of my face, or my acne that won't go away.

I'm so sorry that you have been bullied, @modestPal9019. You don't deserve it, darling. You are lovely. You are brave. Let mu hug you, wonderful.

I don't look at myself in mirrors either. I hate to see my reflection. Not because I have acne - I'm in a similar boat as you on that - but because I just can't stand my sight. I think I am wretched. But that's okay. I don't have to look at myself. Someday it will change, but for now I'm not focusing on that. I struggle with a greater foe which is my own brain.

My lovely, can I share with you a quote I really like? It's by Beau Taplin: