repetitive.
ive been like this since i was maybe 11 or 12. i keep wondering when the days of groggy mornings and not having any motivation for anything will change. it’s difficult but no matter the changes i try and put in, i always go back to square one. i don’t know how to deal with this anymore.
every day is the same in and out. piled with family lectures and threats to be kicked out. having everything thrown at me being told indirectly that ive lost my place here, lost my entitlement to my name.
i don’t feel like i have a family anymore and it just feels like im living temporarily everywhere i go. nowhere is okay for me. nowhere is safe.
@sunnylemon8597
The idea that at some set or "magic" age or time the lack of motivation or knowing what you want to do ........or even childhood habits suddenly change is not Reality .
you can not wait for "life" to happen.
YOU are the change .... you need to push yourself and DO things you need to make decisions and put your world in motion ....... when i hear of families suggesting you move out or get going ........this OFTEN is meant not as mean but hopefully spur you out of your groggy state of do not feel like doing anything....
life is hard work with conscience decisions to get up and do what is needed regardless of groggy mornings etc.
it isn’t them suggesting it. they’ve given me time limits to get stuff sorted like a job or start paying rent to them, neither of which i can afford with my health. i want to do stuff ive been trying to do stuff for the past two years with university but i failed both times. im doing everything i can regardless of all the lack of motivation or want to do anything because if i don’t, im homeless. everything i do is for basic survival i barely eat and i struggle with chores and physical work because of a heart issue.
there isn’t any suggestions or support from them. as much as id like it to be, but it isn’t.
I am sorry that you are struggling so much. Sometimes it really does feel like a rut. What kinds of little things do you do to care for yourself? @sunnylemon8597
i put my headphones on and sit in bed sometimes. hope that the noise cancellation stops me from hearing them whenever there’s arguments. i get out to work festivals maybe once a month but those aren’t easy. usually 6 days 12 hour shifts back to back. i message my friends when i can but they’re often too busy to do anything with me.
Well, it sounds like you are attempting stuff which is a good move in the right direction. Be sure to pat yourself on the back even if it isn't all working right now.
How are you doing on basic things like eating, drinking water, and sleeping?@sunnylemon8597
thank you. i don’t normally drink any water, ive never felt the need to. most of the time it’s just pepsi or flavoured milk. sleeping has always been a pain, never consistent or easy, constant disruption and almost always nightmares. eating is similar to drinking tbh.
Well that is something that you can control right now - taking care of yourself with those little things better. Eating and drinking healthier are totally in your control and it can help give you energy for everything else. Soda actually drains you rather than fills you.
The sleeping piece is harder, but it can come as those other parts fall into place.
Taking more control of a life that feels outside of your control is done in really small parts. When you start doing that then the bigger stuff feels more doable. @sunnylemon8597
hello, i'm so sorry for how you've been feeling and what you've been through for so long. your frustration is so valid and it's comforting, in a way, to hear that someone else is going through very similar struggles as i am. i also thought the grogginess and lack of desire would just disappear one day, that it would be easy one day to do school work or socialize, like if i gave myself enough time to rest that it should then come naturally. but how much more rest do i need? because no matter how gentle i can be with myself, these things have not changed at all. i believe that there might be very deep rooted issues or truths that we haven't been able to face, or are too afraid of what would happen if we suddenly acted and thought differently, and our logic has shifted so that it keeps us away from this but simultaneously destroys us. good luck, i wish you support and love. give yourself time to mourn and be soft with yourself, you can get through this and you can feel good eventually. just keep reflecting on yourself and remember to focus on things that you love. i hope this kind of helps.
@sunnylemon8597
I'm really sorry to hear that you've been feeling like this for so long. It's tough when every day feels like a repeat of the last, with groggy mornings and a lack of motivation. It's like being stuck in a never-ending loop, where it feels impossible to break free and find a sense of purpose or fulfillment.
I can understand how disheartening it must be to try and make changes, only to find yourself back at square one. Change takes time, and it's okay to stumble and fall along the way.
Your family situation sounds incredibly challenging. It's heart-wrenching to feel like you've lost your place and your entitlement to your own name. It's like being adrift in a sea of uncertainty, with no anchor to hold onto. Finding a sense of safety and belonging is so important for your well-being. Sometimes, the path to finding that safe space involves seeking out new connections and support systems. It could be reaching out to friends who truly understand and accept you or connecting with support groups or organizations that provide a sense of community and understanding.
You deserve to be in a place where you feel valued and loved. It might take time and effort to create that space for yourself, but it's worth it. I believe you have the strength within you to navigate through these challenges, even when it feels like the odds are stacked against you.
