my online boyfriend...(update)
I thought i would finally lose him that day. He came back though like I wished he would. He's been acting more normal since i tried to break up with him so it looks like things are looking up from here.him being 34 and me being 17 isnt really a red flag for me anymore since he makes me happy. Im happy but i know i shouldnt be. I just hope he stays this way. The only issue i see with him now is how he doesnt want me talking to anyones besides him which i wasnt anyway because having more than one person to talk to overwhelms me. so he's normal even for him. i hope it stays this way.
He sounds like a dangerous predator. I would stay away. @DaniAleah156
@bestVase7265 I would tell someone in my position to stay away too. Thank you
Ok, so let's figure out a way for you to get away. This community can help you find the resources to escape. The time to do that is NOW, not tomorrow. @DaniAleah156
@bestVase7265 Ill be lonely again
@DaniAleah156
You will be lonely yes but you will not be lonely forever. What are other things you can do to not be lonely?
@HopieRemi theres not really much i can do since im homeschooled. its why i came online
It can definitely hard to make friends when you’re home schooled. @DaniAleah156 what is your relationship with your family like?
@HopieRemi i dont talk to them much anymore
@DaniAleah156
How come you don't talk to your family? How does this home schooling work?
@HopieRemi i just have nothing to say to them anymore. they homschooled me because theyre religious and didnt want me around anyone
What would they say if they knew about this relationship? @DaniAleah156 ?
@HopieRemi Theyd take all of my devices...
I know the idea of your devices being removed scares you @DaniAleah156 what makes you think it would be forever? It sounds like they in their own way just want to keep you safe?
@HopieRemi their way of keeping people safe hurts people lol
I do understand that fear, but we can work on finding you better friends and more supportive family. Why are you homeschooled? @DaniAleah156
@bestVase7265 my parents are religious and think other people have evil spirits so she keeps me away from my peers
Do you go to religious services at all? Do you go to the library or have good books that you can read? What about online clubs? Do you get outside to walk or exercise at all? What are your favorite hobbies? What kinds of plans do you have after you have finished regular schooling?
Maybe we can come up with a plan so that you can find a path forward. @DaniAleah156
@bestVase7265 i dont get out of the house much. my parents dont like paying for gas. i exercise outside though sometimes. theres not much i can do though
First, get outside to walk even if it is by yourself. You need to start finding and building a space for you.
But also, answer more of my questions. We can start building a more real world community for you so you aren't so lonely.
If your parents knew about your online dating relationships, they would be horrified. They sound like they are very protective, but you need to start pointing out to them how lonely you are. @DaniAleah156
@bestVase7265 Your first four questions were a no but i do exercise. i dont really have any hobbies anymore. My schedule is to stay up until 2 am, wake back up at 12 pm to do chores(jogging is one of my chores) and watch tv until 8pm, then i get on my laptop to talk to Daniel for 2 hours because he's in a way different time zone than me,get ready for bed, then watch tv again until 2 am.Repeat. There are no hobbies. Just dont have the motivation for them anymore
Spending tons of time on electronics is not helping with the loneliness but increasing it instead.
What would it look like to force yourself outside for a daily walk? Try to do it every day for a month and see what you feel like afterwards.
What kinds of hobbies did you like before they became too hard?@DaniAleah156
@bestVase7265 I used to draw, work on my book, do gymnastics, and write songs. I still write my songs like once a month though
That is great! You can still do some of those things. Find some good drawing websites online or places where you can connect to other people writing music. Those are a bit safer than dating websites.
Remember that you aren't looking for love right now. You are looking for friendships. Those will hold you until the right real person comes into your life to fall in love with.
This guy isn't him. He is extremely dangerous.
@DaniAleah156
@bestVase7265 do you think he's physically harmful?
If you met him in person, yes, I think that he would most definitely be physically harmful. You are in danger of being raped or even possibly kidnapped. If you have sent him any sexually explicit photos they are probably all over the internet now.
@DaniAleah156
@bestVase7265 he never asked for any photos of me because he always said he wasnt that kind of guy but he has been making more sexual jokes these past few weeks...
Okay, be careful then. As long as you refuse to send anything to him or to meet him quite yet in person then overall you are okay.
I know it is hard because you are lonely. Keep working on improving things in your real life as much as you can.
We are here to support you in that. @DaniAleah156
@bestVase7265 thank you
I hope that you had a good day today. @DaniAleah156
@bestVase7265 thank you i did and i hope youve also had a good day!:D
You have got this! A new, less lonely life is opening up in front of you. @DaniAleah156
Hello
@DaniAleah156
Dani, the fact that you ARE 17 and he is closer to 40 is concerning. I can't tell you what to do but this is a dangerous path. Please, consider looking into what people have told you. This is not what love is.
@HopieRemi i dont know what real love feels like. all my life ive been in age cap relationships since i was little. its almost normal for me
@DaniAleah156
I can get how this feels normal to you. As someone outside of your situation with 11 years on you, I can tell you your relationship... that's not love. This relationship is manipulation. Someone who is 34 years old seeks the attention of a teenager because women his age know better. You mention that you don't know what love feels like. Well, love feels nice, you feel cared for but also you don't worry about how they are going to react, and they dont love bomb you. Also, they are not controlling. Please whatever you do, do not go meet this man in person or give him any information to find you.
@HopieRemi i wouldnt meet him for some years from now anyway so its fine for now. thank you for your concern. i should be okay
@DaniAleah156
Please be careful.
@DaniAleah156
Hun you are 17 and he is 34 that is a VERY big red flag....Im just saying you don't know how may minors he has *** with and how many he has while yall were together.
~Love,Mae
Hello
@dapperPark8808
uhm hi
Do your parents or guardians know you are in contact with this 34y.o. man? Have you spoke to them or a trusted adult about what's going on? If you feel uneasy about it, I recommend contacting a domestic violence/abuse hotline: https://www.thehotline.org/ You can speak to them, all confidential, about what you're going through and they can give you resources on where to go from there, plus, they are kind and understanding.
You mentioned that you do NOT want to feel lonely, right? But...don't you feel lonely each time he talked down on you? Also, he is ONLINE, so you have NEVER met this person. He is not there...Wouldn't you rather have someone around your age, who understands you, likes the same things as you, and NEVER talks to you in a rude way?
Remember your last post?: my online boyfriend... You talked about how rude and toxic he was towards you and calling you names. Does that make you feel loved? Does that make you feel respected? Does he make you feel worthy? I recommend looking up "narcissistic partners" online. You'll see that they have the habit of "love bombing" you so you won't ever leave them. Then when they have you, they go back to being toxic.
I will put it VERY bluntly for you, and I am sorry if it is hurtful to hear, but you must hear it:
He does not love you. He does not respect you. He does not care about you. You are one of the MANY girls he talks to. You are NOT special to him. He ONLY wants control over you, because he thinks you're "easy".
Also, you won't KNOW if he doesn't talk to other girls. He's online, you can't see his text messages. He'll do whatever he wants, he already is by talking to you knowing it is wrong. You were 16 years old when he started talking to you. Women his age do NOT want him, because they don't want to deal with his cr@p.
Let me ask you this --
Would you want your friends talking to 34y.o. men? Would you want your future child to have a relationship with one? What if this man called your friend a b***, or dumb, or other mean things that this current man has said to you, but to them? What would you say to them?
These are just some questions to think about.
Lastly...Just wanted to say...because you NEED to hear this---
You are worthy of love, respect, kindness, and support. You deserve to be treated well.
This man will NEVER give you these things in a MILLION years. He is not worthy of you, he does NOT deserve you. You are WAY better than this creepy loser.
I have been through an EXTREMELY toxic and abusive relationship in my past.
There are stats showing that victims/survivors tend to go back to their abuser about 7 times until they finally escape.
My abuser almost made me unalive, and I escaped.
I don't want anything to happen to you. You're a good, kind, and lovely soul.
Please be safe and feel free to update.
I can understand why it's difficult to leave this predator, I've been there (in a different way, my ex is only 3 years older than me, but he was an abusive alcoholic and we had a kid together, I felt "bound" to him because we had a child, but I escaped from him and we're safer now.).
It's not always easy to make the right decision, but you can do it! I believe in you. You already took the first steps of coming here to tell us you're story. You are brave for sharing that with us.
Sending virtual hugs, if that is OK? 🫂✨
@ImpudentIncognito thank you for taking the time to tell me all of this. he has actually told me that i was easy to manipulate many times in the past but said he never would even though he could. i believed him at first. im sorry that you experienced this bad relationship in the past and im glad youre in a safer place now with your child.🫂
@DaniAleah156 when a wolf shows you his teeth believe him. He has said he can manipulate you and he does. I have been in your shoes with an online person when I was a year younger than you. Believe me, it’s hard at first but you can cut ties. I know you’re lonely and I know 7cups can only do so much. But wouldn’t you rather not be manipulated and used by a predator?
@DaniAleah156 I understand where you're coming from. The person I dated after my ex fiancé used to manipulate others, and told me how he did it but said he'd never do that to me... I believed him at first too, but he did manipulate me. I grew up in an abusive household, so I didn't understand what a "loving environment" looked like. It took me time to really understand that. Now? If I feel someone I am dating is toxic, I cut them off RIGHT AWAY.
I understand that loneliness feeling. I understand why you're currently with him. However, I also want to let you know there are some amazing people out there who will treat you kindly. It just takes some time to get to know them. You mentioned being homeschooled and how it's easier to make friends online(I think if I recall correctly ?) -- I'm similar, in terms of making online friends. I have been a bit reclusive lately (for...specific reasons, I have stalkers, HOWEVER when I move soon, that issue will be solved). Some apps I have joined were hobby related. I have decided not to get TOO personal when it comes to online friends, until I get to know them much better (I have been burnt out after getting personal and that person treating me badly ). AFTER you go to counseling, therapy and/or support groups MAYBE looking into dating or dating apps (when you're 18 or older) BUT ONLY within your age range. Once you're 18, I would suggest going no further than 20 or 21 for age. But it would be best for you to date 18 or 19 years old. They will understand you best. I am an older person and I still prefer to date someone my age range... I have had younger chaps who tried to talk to me, but we're on completely different levels in life and I am not attracted to those younger than me(they seem like kids to me), it's odd...nor am I attracted to those MUCH older than me(especially not around my parents age, it grosses me out), I am not interested. I like someone who REALLY just...just gets me, you know? My parents are 20 years apart in age and their relationship was a DISASTER and they were awful to me as well as a result... They've been separated a long time now, ever since my younger sibling became an adult.
Sorry, I tend to ramble a lot uhmm... Ultimately, if you can THERAPY/COUNSELING FIRST, then ask them if they think you're ready to date. They'll give you the best tools on how to navigate to that. It might be better to just make friends around your age for the time being. Then at least you won't feel lonely nor rely on one person to make you feel not lonely.
I didn't have a lot of tools growing up in abuse(so they didn't teach me what a good relationship looks like) and I had to go through therapy/counseling/support groups, and just a lot of trial and error... But I want to save you through the heartache that I went through. You deserve better!
@ImpudentIncognito I understand what youre saying and im sorry that you grew up in that environment. When I met him I wasnt looking for a boyfriend or anything. We just started talking and it turned into something more later on. I know I shouldnt be dating him and to be honest, i dont even have to end the relationship. It'll end on its own anyway just like every other friendship and relationship ive ever had
Hello! Just checking back in on you to see if you're doing OK and/or if you felt like talking about your BF situation?
Or just want to talk about whatever is on your mind in particular?
I was worried about you, just wanted to make sure you're OK!
Sending good vibes your way. 🙌✨💖
@ImpudentIncognito Thank you for checking in on me. it means a lot. :)
He's been acting pretty normal lately. Like a normal person for once so I havent posted about him. I mean theres still the age gap im worried about but he hasnt really done anything to make me worry that he'd hurt me in the future
Yeah this doesn’t sound like a green flag kind of person & isolating you just sounds dangerous. You’re getting attention from him that makes you feel special & that makes it hard to hear this but, you need to consider leaving this toxic relationship as soon as possible.
@DaniAleah156 I understand that things may have improved lately, but it's important to consider your well-being above all else. Relationships should be based on mutual respect and trust, and feeling happy and safe is crucial!!! If there are any red flags, such as controlling behavior or discomfort, it's essential to address them. Your happiness and emotional health matter the most.