Weekly Prompt #36: How does your cultural background or upbringing influence your experience with depression?

@SamOur I am sorry to hear you are experiencing difficult feelings of isolation and craving comfort in ways that may not be healthy for you. Feeling misunderstood can take a toll on well-being. What matters most to you about communicating with your family?

@ASilentObserver 

How does your cultural background or upbringing influence your experience with depression?

Warning- This not going to be pretty

I am 4th generation Japanese American. My family is from Hawaii. When I was in high school, I started having major depression and I became a cutter. Someone found out at school and reported it. The school called my parents and held a meeting. My parents were upset there, but then quickly forgot about it so I never received any help. I am the oldest daughter with a younger brother. Growing up, I was blamed for everything my brother did wrong. He was the golden child. This was also the time when physically punishing children was also not talked about. I couldn't drive or go out with friends at night. My dad never spoke to me as a child. My mother always compared me to her friends' kids and relatives' kids who were smarter because I never got straight A's in school. I decided to go to art school out of the state to escape. My family was mad at my decision and I was unsupported during college. My family doesn't show much emotion, so I have been accused of having no personality because I don't know how to show my emotions openly.  

Right now, I am going through my second attempt to deal with my depression in the last 6 years. I have no support from anyone. It's a struggle for me to tell others what is going on- to reach out for help. But the depression is getting worse. I feel like I'm barely holding on. But I do, not for myself, but my children. 



@NotAllHere713 I'm so glad you have your children, to keep you going through the darkest times. I'm sorry you were not supported or treated fairly as a child😥 thank God for 7 cups, this is your safe place to open up, without fear of judgement. I'm always here for you ❤ hugs you tightly ❤

@NotAllHere713 you have faced some challenges throughout your life where you felt misunderstood and alone. It feels difficult to go through. What thoughts come up for you when you think back on those times?

In my case, I am catalan, from the spanish autonomous region of Catalonia, where the main language is catalan. But due to many historical and social reasons castillian (spanish) is more spoken, and people from non-catalan-speaking regions of Spain who live in Catalonia tend to show less interest in learning catalan, because "we all understand in spanish". There's a higher non-catalan population than native catalan, like me. That's depressing and upsetting that many people don't speak catalan because they see it less valuable, and don't care about its potential endangered future. It makes me feel less valuable myself, making my culture and language less valid.

@Politonno  feeling undervalued and being part of a minority can sting. What thoughts come up when you think about your culture and language being seen as less valid?

I feel like people doesn't care for me, like there was a great problem to solve and that I don't have any resources, and that I'll be all alone.

@Politonno I feel you! My cousin grew up in the US. He feels disconnected to his heritage because he never learned our language. He didn't have to know it because "everyone understands English". The saddest part is he gave up and assimilated. Nothing wrong with assimilation, but it always sucks to have to choose

@ASilentObserver Being Southeast Asian OMG it is a hardship LOL. I remember when I was struggling with the initial stages of bipolar disorder in my 20s my mom was very dismissive of therapy, of mental health. It was until my sister died of mental disorder that her outlook changed, and she is now the first person to tell parents of a suspected self-unaliver to get help.

Growing up Southeast Asian yeah mental health isn't widely understood. It wasn't a conversation. People think it's some bourgeoisie disease and a waste of money when you can have fun to "heal it". But it doesn't mean attitudes won't change. People didn't know any better before and now we know better. And I am glad in my country is being a conversation across all age groups, maybe except older people LOL but people are now more open to it and less judgmental

@considerateKite900 I am glad you have noticed improvements in how mental health is viewed in your community over time. How do you feel about these changes?

@ASilentObserver Definitely happy. Still some people can't let go of "only you can help yourself" mentality, a very SE Asian thing to say mental-health wise, but now they know it's something valid enough to be concerned about. Things are not perfect; offices, ESPECIALLY AMERICAN-BASED MULTINATIONALS, still have a negative outlook of mental health (considering the West started this conversation). But people are becoming more concerned. Any progress is progress. My biggest issue now is making mental health resources available to the poorest of the poor. It infuriates me when the celebrities make statements about mental health and talk about it like oh get a psychiatrist. They have money. A huge chunk of your country doesn't. I would like that the mental health revolution in our country is more equitable.

@ASilentObserver East or West obs is a anime fan🤣

@TheGentlesoul haha, thank you Soul

I can relate to so much of what others posted about this topic. I grew up in a highly dysfunctional and toxic family. We also did not express much emotion and no one really seemed to like each other. I definitely did not witness much emotional intelligence in my family. Therefore, I do feel limited compassion and empathy for others. I am also suspicious of others motives. I do not trust easily and I can sever ties easily, too. All of that to say, I wish I were different but I do believe we are the sum of our choices, environments, genetics, and past experiences.

@Olive1Q82 Thank you for sharing, Olive, I hear you how you have grown up in a challenging environment which has shaped you in many ways. It makes sense that your views on relationships now impacted. What do you think holding onto these patterns serves you?

It definitely doesn’t help to hold on to these patterns. 😔

@ASilentObserver When I was a teen, I suffered from depression. My mom's mom, also suffered from it, as well. So the family history, is helpful. I got the help I needed. But, sadly my mom's mom, passed away from the disorder. Her depression, was really bad. She would not get out of bed, and she stopped eating and they had to place a (Trigger Warning:Feeding tube in her.)

For me I got the right kind of support and help, I was lucky. I still get depressed, but not like I was, when I was a teen. I learned coping skills. Which is super important. Now, I am able to help and support others with depression.

@calmMango9611 I am sorry to hear that mango, you have been through quite a lot. How do you feel about your own experiences with depression?

@ASilentObserver I grow up in a catholic school and it influenced almost everyone sometimes in a bad way. Because of the influence of my catholic school a lot of people are homophobic, transphobic, etc. It hurts me because I am not out as trans and I’m scared to come out and makes me feel ***. I feel terrible about being trans and gay because of what our school has taught us. I’m not saying all catholics are bad by the way, just my experience has not been the best thing overall.

@RUMBUM I understand you have had some negative experiences with homophobia and transphobia in your Catholic school that have made you feel terrible about yourself.  Would you like to share more about how these experiences have impacted you?

@ASilentObserver not really

@RUMBUM Thanks for sharing how your upbringing attending a Catholic school has affected you personally. It must have been extremely painful to have dealt with the rejection from the disdainful attitudes that those in your school have expressed towards those in the LGBT community. It takes a lot of strength to acknowledge that not every one of the Catholic faith is like that, but it does not diminish your painful experiences growing up. 

@ASilentObserver

Hey obs. Good to see you after a long time. Hehe

Actually in my culture, people think depression is an illness which only mental people can have. If someone tells that they have depression, then people tell him he is over thinking. I personally don't like this thinking and attitude towards depression. Depression is neither an illness nor a lie. It is just a mental condition which should be treated with love and kindness and most properly with care.

@ItsMaisy good to see you too Maisy, hope you doing well. I hear you how you feel frustrated about the way depression is viewed in your culture. I understand you do not agree with the common beliefs around it. What would you like others to understand about depression?

My mom's side is pretty accepting of mental health issues as Ashkenazim.  My dad is very American, and even though he can be brusque and rude like an American, he also has the warm, welcoming nature of an American, and it has in a great number of ways given me strength.

@YardWitch i can understand you have noticed some differences in how your parents view mental health issues based on their cultural backgrounds. How do you think these differences may have impacted your experiences with seeking support?

@ASilentObserver

I am more impacted by my mother as an individual who was terrible and ruined therapy for me at a young age by being invasive, abusive, and cruel.

But as a Jewish woman, I have no shame about being depressed, no judgment of others, and will do everything to get them help.

As a man in Texas, I was shamed for expressing sadness, anger, or really any kind of emotion. I was an adult before I learned how to deal with my emotions healthily, and my wife has been my biggest supporter in that regard.

@TSE2564 I am glad you have made progress in learning healthy ways to cope with your emotions. How do you feel now about the way you were shamed?

My biggest emotion or sensation I feel is driven. I'm going to ensure that I encourage showing emotion to any boys or men who were told to hold back, and be an example of honesty in expression of feelings.

My mother is an overthinker who always thinks she's right about everything and tries to enforce her thinking to everyone around her. My father is usually out from work when I was a kid. Who influenced me the most should be obvious. But over the years, only the overthink part of her is still a part of me which brings me here. I'm a science major and not really religious compared to the rest of my family. So I guess my "cultural" background + my overthinking= trying to find logic and reason behind everything. So whenever something happens, I sort of find a logical reason to explain it in my head which includes of me getting depressed. Sometimes I even analyse myself and ask myself questions like am I depressed or do I want to think that I'm depressed lol.

@Jackyboi0516 I am sorry to hear that you have grown up in an environment where there were certain expectations and ways of thinking that did not align with you. This can be difficult to navigate. What has been the impact of this on you?

I kind of feel that I don't belong here and lost. I can't find anything else that explains it clearer.

@Jackyboi0516 I am sorry to hear that your home life was not the best. If you could go back in time, and change things, with your family what would you change? What did you miss the most growing up? Do you think your up bring might have caused some of your depressive symptoms?

@calmMango9611 bringing correction on spelling.

@ASilentObserver 

As depression runs in my family genes I am quite happy to say that my parents are quite aware of it, my grandmother had depression and then my father (he was really suicidal after he had lost his job, he wasn't sure if he could even pay for my education). That was few years back and he got out of it, I'm really proud of him but also during those times I could see my whole family crumble and fall apart so yes that affected me a lot as well and my parents do get worried now and then and ask me if I am depressed or not so they could take me to a proper doctor but thankfully I never reached that stage. Love you dad!

@crimsonPapaya7218 I can understand how seeing your family go through such challenges has made you more aware of the risks. It's great that your parents care about you and want to ensure you get the right support. How does it feel when they ask you these questions?

@ASilentObserver

How does your cultural background or upbringing influence your experience with depression?

I could write a book about it lol. However, the short version - history of mental illness in the family, lack of coping skills by parents (due to undiagnosed mental health issues), old traditional values, relying on government to 'support' any issue, ignoring/denying  or using laughter to cover/ignore addressing issues. No serious talks in my mother ever. Anything that came up was either met with defensiveness, yelling, or biased laughter.

I could go on. However, like I said in the beginning of this post, I could write a book about it.  

@CaringSub It feels like you have a lot of thoughts and feelings about how your culture and upbringing may have contributed to your experiences with depression. It is understandable that these factors can play a big role in shaping our perspectives on mental health. What do you think are some ways that these influences have impacted you?