@ASilentObserver

Hi, ASO,

It's very hard.  I get very confused when people treat me poorly.  I'm also clueless about my own feelings.

@purpleTree4652 I understand how difficult it can be to establish clear boundaries, especially when not sure of own emotions. It takes practice to recognize how we feel and communicate our needs effectively. But please know setting limits is essential for maintaining healthy relationships. Have you ever had a situation where you successfully set boundaries?

@ASilentObserver

Yes, I have stopped talking to people who have been mentally abusive to me, like my birth family.  I finally cut off the last one last year.

@ASilentObserver I find it very easy to set boundaries, thinking a lot in black and white so that makes it easier. Also, keeping struggles, thoughts or other things to myself is easy because of this.

But this is also a problem as people don't really know the real me or what is going on. Or I cut myself from a conversation or event by not engaging or whatever.

This builds higher walls and keeps most of my relationships with people on a higher, more generic, level.

@Michelh1996 I am glad setting boundaries comes naturally to you because of your black-and-white way of thinking. However, this can also create difficulties in forming deeper connections with others since you tend to keep things to yourself and maintain a distance. Have you faced any challenges in forming close relationships due to this?

@ASilentObserver I notice that I can be on good terms with many people. Like for example my football team. Some people in there have close friends in the team and there are little groups. For me, I am on good terms with basically everyone, yet I would say that I am not close friends with any of them. No birthday invites so to say. 

And with some friends I have, it is usually joking around, doing fun stuff and all that, but not really a deeper connection underneath. Like, you don't share feelings or go to each other for the serious stuff when needed. It is a lot more light and casual.

@Michelh1996 I understand what you mean. You find it difficult to form deep connections with others. You mentioned that you are good at being friendly and making friends, but it doesn't always feel like others are willing to open up and be as vulnerable with you. Would you share more about how this makes you feel?

@ASilentObserver I think it makes me feel a bit lonely at times. Like when people seem to have really close connections to others, but I don't, or only with a few people. But at the same time, I find it difficult to make that first step and take initiative to plan stuff or open up as well. So there is always walls around me. And also, when I make that connection with someone, I often go all in, like I care a lot and will always be ready to help. If others don't always see that or don't reciprocate, it makes me feel disappointed or not valued.

In the meantime, I have also gotten more used to doing things alone, solving my own problems and also creating my own activities.

@ASilentObserver You always have the best prompts!

How hard is it for you to set boundaries in your relationships?

It's sooo hard for me. I'm such a caring and open person that I try to help everyone in my life. Most of the time to my detriment. I'm learning at 40 years old to say "no" finally. It's so hard and breaks my heart because I love to help people and be vulnerable and open but "No" is my word for this year. 

Also, not worrying about what other people think/say about me. That's also very hard to do. I'm learning this new skill as well. I wish I'd done this 20 years ago.



@reservedTangerine9348 Thank you Tangerine. Appreciate your support here. Also you're doing great by setting boundaries and focusing on yourself. it is okay to prioritize your own needs and well-being. Your growth and self-awareness are commendable. Keep up the good work. We are all rooting for you, Tangerine. you got this. 

@ASilentObservert

is hard as  i am oblivios to when others treat me like *** so i do not know what bonderys to set when and with whom

@alysianna I hear you aly. It sounds difficult to navigate relationships without knowing where to draw boundaries. How have you handled situations like this in the past?

I haven't had any issues with boundaries for years, because I have so few relationships.  I have a couple of friends, but we have little to do with each other, because of distance and time.  We share whatever information we feel like with each other.  At my age, there is little that I keep secret anymore.

@WharfRat Thank you for opening up with us, Wharf. You value having open and honest communication in your relationships. Setting boundaries can sometimes be difficult, especially if it feels like it might strain the relationship. What are some ways you've navigated setting boundaries in the past?

@ASilentObserver

I've told people "no" many times.  Some people respected my answer and some did not.  Some people were able to manipulate me and get me to do things I didn't want to do, to give them things I didn't want to give away, etc.  I haven't had anything to do with those people for years.

@ASilentObserver Thinking back I don't think I've ever set a boundary in a relationship 😬..I've never wanted someone to feel as if they ALWAYS have to hang out with me or only have specific friends. 

@chipandale33 I understand you may struggle with setting boundaries in your relationships. Boundaries can be difficult to establish, especially if you haven't done so in the past. Please know setting boundaries is about finding what works best for you and communicating those limits clearly. Have you considered talking to someone you trust about how you feel about setting boundaries?

@ASilentObserver no not really

Little hard if not much

@secretHemlock5401 I understand setting boundaries can be difficult. How do you navigate the challenges of boundaries?

It use to be harder but you like any skill can work on it and develop it.

It also depends on your relationship...some of them i simply walk away when not feeling they are sticking to my boundaries. 

for my main relationship was i found explaining my reason behind my  boundaries  sometimes over and over  but it made it work better.  Telling them why i do not appreciate this or that  gave them a better understanding and hearing  their reasons that they saw things differently let me either adjust my view or understand where my boundaries and his meet or  sometimes overlap.

i feel many do not add flexibility and understanding in their boundaries. 

@toughTiger6481 I hear you, Tiger. I am glad developing healthy communication skills has been important for you in maintaining your relationships. Explaining your boundaries and listening to each other has helped you find common ground and understanding.

It is really hard for me. I'm a psychology student and it hurts me when someone takes anything out on me. I was disappointed when I advised her to go to a professional, but she still didn't change.

Even though I also had a tough day. I'm also unstable. I have a hard time ignoring personal messages from anyone. I can feel very guilty.

Until in the end, I also found it difficult to explain my feelings. Because no one really wants to accept it. She compared them indirectly.

I feel like I don't deserve to aspire to become a psychologist. And I lost that ambition. It impacts everything.

@rifiindi Thank you for sharing Rif. sounds like you are grappling with some complex emotions and struggles related to setting boundaries, guilt, and your career aspirations. These are deeply personal challenges that can bring up difficult feelings. 

@Boredoms  setting boundaries with family can bring up difficult feelings around rejection and loss. It makes sense that you might worry about losing friends too. How do you feel when people persistently contact you after you've asked for space?

When you are not well treated as fellow .

@secretHemlock5401 I am sorry to hear that Secret, That sounds difficult. Not feeling respected in a relationship can bring up strong feelings. How have you handled situations like this in the past?

I truly struggle with boundaries because it seems even if you set boundaries and know what they are, other people don't always care, and they can walk all over you. 

@charmingSky5972 That sounds like you've had difficult experiences with setting boundaries in the past. How did those experiences make you feel?

@ASilentObserver

not being good with boundaries has very negatively impacted me because then you feel like you are not respecting yourself 

I have a hard time setting boundaries because I’m constantly thinking about the other person. I try my best not to cross someone else’s boundary for their sake, but when they cross mine I don’t say a word. This is mostly because I don’t want to embarrass them or make them feel uncomfortable or less valuable or something. So I just hope they don’t do it again. And if they consistently keep doing it then I have a bad habit of ghosting them. Do y’all know how to help me with situations like this? I know I should confront them but I don’t want to hurt their feelings….

@LovleyStarDust107 I hear you, Star. I can understand how you struggle with setting boundaries due to a fear of hurting others' feelings. You want to avoid causing discomfort, so you often keep quiet or ghost people. How does this approach make you feel?

relationships tend to not last long since I avoid conflict.

@LovleyStarDust107 i used to relate to this. and then i got so...twisted around inside by someone who revealed they agreed with me that i meant very little & my feelings meant very little, and i realized, i deserve to trust myself.

This is inspiring. Thanks for sharing, I’m glad to hear I’m not asking on this 😅

*im glad to hear I’m not the only one

@ASilentObserver

To be very honest, I think it's very challenging for me to set boundaries within a relationship. I've never had a intimate relationship with anyone in the romantic sense, so I can't share anything regarding that, but as far as platonic relationships, friendships, even some working relationships I've had, I've always been one to be the open book, and I believe I was always the one that was a little too open. Some things truly are better left unsaid. And some things, you do just have to keep to yourself, unless the other person or party sets an open boundary to where you can express certain things that would be taboo or unorthodox. I feel the older I've gotten, I've learned to try to establish more clear boundaries and try to honor them. Of course, I'm human, so it's still very much a work in progress. But I am truly happy with myself with how far I've come, not only as a person, but with establishing boundaries, and respecting them, not just for myself, but for others involved. 

@janewayalpha1 Hi Jane, Good to see you and thank you for opening up about your thoughts on this topic. I am glad you have made significant progress in setting healthy boundaries. Establishing limits and respecting them is essential for maintaining healthy relationships. You are determined to prioritize your own needs and well-being, which is nice. Keep taking your small steps and know you have all of us here with you. 

(haha that's my favorite character from that show. his lines are so reaction-worthy)

i do find it challenging to set boundaries at times with friendships without shaking them or limiting their growth. it has required me to be more assertive in my communication which can be tough but it gets better the more experience you gain and trust you build.