Weekly Prompt #35: How hard is it for you to set boundaries in your relationships?
Hello all, I hope you are all being easy on yourself this week.
Last week we discussed: What is one difficult life situation you are facing right now? Thank you to all who participated and shared their thoughts and questions for discussion. They were thought-provoking questions and thoughts. I hope you all did too. If you didn't share yours, please share them here and I look forward to reading and discussing them with you
This week's prompt: How hard is it for you to set boundaries in your relationships?
Setting boundaries in relationships can be a challenging task, and when you are also depressed, it can become even more daunting. The struggle to prioritize your own needs and well-being while navigating the complexities of interpersonal connections can feel overwhelming. So please share the challenges and difficulties that you encounter in your relationships while navigating depression.
@ASilentObserver
Hi, ASO,
It's very hard. I get very confused when people treat me poorly. I'm also clueless about my own feelings.
@purpleTree4652 I understand how difficult it can be to establish clear boundaries, especially when not sure of own emotions. It takes practice to recognize how we feel and communicate our needs effectively. But please know setting limits is essential for maintaining healthy relationships. Have you ever had a situation where you successfully set boundaries?
@ASilentObserver
Yes, I have stopped talking to people who have been mentally abusive to me, like my birth family. I finally cut off the last one last year.
@ASilentObserver I find it very easy to set boundaries, thinking a lot in black and white so that makes it easier. Also, keeping struggles, thoughts or other things to myself is easy because of this.
But this is also a problem as people don't really know the real me or what is going on. Or I cut myself from a conversation or event by not engaging or whatever.
This builds higher walls and keeps most of my relationships with people on a higher, more generic, level.
@Michelh1996 I am glad setting boundaries comes naturally to you because of your black-and-white way of thinking. However, this can also create difficulties in forming deeper connections with others since you tend to keep things to yourself and maintain a distance. Have you faced any challenges in forming close relationships due to this?
@ASilentObserver I notice that I can be on good terms with many people. Like for example my football team. Some people in there have close friends in the team and there are little groups. For me, I am on good terms with basically everyone, yet I would say that I am not close friends with any of them. No birthday invites so to say.
And with some friends I have, it is usually joking around, doing fun stuff and all that, but not really a deeper connection underneath. Like, you don't share feelings or go to each other for the serious stuff when needed. It is a lot more light and casual.
@Michelh1996 I understand what you mean. You find it difficult to form deep connections with others. You mentioned that you are good at being friendly and making friends, but it doesn't always feel like others are willing to open up and be as vulnerable with you. Would you share more about how this makes you feel?
@ASilentObserver I think it makes me feel a bit lonely at times. Like when people seem to have really close connections to others, but I don't, or only with a few people. But at the same time, I find it difficult to make that first step and take initiative to plan stuff or open up as well. So there is always walls around me. And also, when I make that connection with someone, I often go all in, like I care a lot and will always be ready to help. If others don't always see that or don't reciprocate, it makes me feel disappointed or not valued.
In the meantime, I have also gotten more used to doing things alone, solving my own problems and also creating my own activities.
@ASilentObserver You always have the best prompts!
How hard is it for you to set boundaries in your relationships?
It's sooo hard for me. I'm such a caring and open person that I try to help everyone in my life. Most of the time to my detriment. I'm learning at 40 years old to say "no" finally. It's so hard and breaks my heart because I love to help people and be vulnerable and open but "No" is my word for this year.
Also, not worrying about what other people think/say about me. That's also very hard to do. I'm learning this new skill as well. I wish I'd done this 20 years ago.
@reservedTangerine9348 Thank you Tangerine. Appreciate your support here. Also you're doing great by setting boundaries and focusing on yourself. it is okay to prioritize your own needs and well-being. Your growth and self-awareness are commendable. Keep up the good work. We are all rooting for you, Tangerine. you got this.
@ASilentObservert
is hard as i am oblivios to when others treat me like *** so i do not know what bonderys to set when and with whom
I haven't had any issues with boundaries for years, because I have so few relationships. I have a couple of friends, but we have little to do with each other, because of distance and time. We share whatever information we feel like with each other. At my age, there is little that I keep secret anymore.
@WharfRat Thank you for opening up with us, Wharf. You value having open and honest communication in your relationships. Setting boundaries can sometimes be difficult, especially if it feels like it might strain the relationship. What are some ways you've navigated setting boundaries in the past?
@ASilentObserver
I've told people "no" many times. Some people respected my answer and some did not. Some people were able to manipulate me and get me to do things I didn't want to do, to give them things I didn't want to give away, etc. I haven't had anything to do with those people for years.
@ASilentObserver Thinking back I don't think I've ever set a boundary in a relationship 😬..I've never wanted someone to feel as if they ALWAYS have to hang out with me or only have specific friends.
@chipandale33 I understand you may struggle with setting boundaries in your relationships. Boundaries can be difficult to establish, especially if you haven't done so in the past. Please know setting boundaries is about finding what works best for you and communicating those limits clearly. Have you considered talking to someone you trust about how you feel about setting boundaries?
@ASilentObserver no not really
It use to be harder but you like any skill can work on it and develop it.
It also depends on your relationship...some of them i simply walk away when not feeling they are sticking to my boundaries.
for my main relationship was i found explaining my reason behind my boundaries sometimes over and over but it made it work better. Telling them why i do not appreciate this or that gave them a better understanding and hearing their reasons that they saw things differently let me either adjust my view or understand where my boundaries and his meet or sometimes overlap.
i feel many do not add flexibility and understanding in their boundaries.
It is really hard for me. I'm a psychology student and it hurts me when someone takes anything out on me. I was disappointed when I advised her to go to a professional, but she still didn't change.
Even though I also had a tough day. I'm also unstable. I have a hard time ignoring personal messages from anyone. I can feel very guilty.
Until in the end, I also found it difficult to explain my feelings. Because no one really wants to accept it. She compared them indirectly.
I feel like I don't deserve to aspire to become a psychologist. And I lost that ambition. It impacts everything.
