Weekly Prompt #26: Think about a metaphor that represents your experience with depression in 2023.
Welcome back, group! I hope you are all being easy on yourself this week.
Last week we discussed: How do the expectations and social pressure surrounding the holidays affect your mood and energy levels? Thank you to all who participated and shared their thoughts and questions for discussion. They were thought-provoking questions and thoughts. I hope you all did too. If you didn't share yours, please share them here and I look forward to reading and discussing them with you
This week's prompt: Think about a metaphor that represents your experience with depression in 2023. What image or symbol comes to mind?
Please know all thoughts and experiences are valid so no matter how small or big it seems, do share with us and we will discuss our thoughts on it together.
I would describe my depression as a ghost in 2023. I can't see it but.. it's somewhere affecting me.
It's been a rough journey in 2023.. I've definitely made some progress according to my therapist. There's also so much to work on in terms of my therapy and depression, but if anything I feel as if I'm not enough. On the times that I've checked off my to-do list today, I feel joy briefly.. and then.. i feel as if i have a long way to go again. It is like a jokester at times, tho not a funny one and if anything depression I say, sort of causes me to feel like a sad clown. It is an annoying and tough boss. I hope to learn more about this ghost/jokester in 2024 as well as various ways of taking care of myself.
@bestHuman2332 It sounds like you are experiencing depression as a persistent presence in your life right now, even though you've made progress in your therapy. Feeling like you have a long way to go can bring up difficult emotions. What thoughts come up for you when you think about having a long way to go?
-I wish I can fight the thought of having a long way to go.
-I am exhausted.
-I need to finish this therapy goal before I can relax.
-I should be nicer to myself and more understanding
-It's not enough. I feel like there's more. But when do I stop? What extent do I go to?
My experience with depression in 2023 was like the anime Tsubasa Ozora, which tells about a football player who achieves championships and scores goals with great skill, but it becomes clear at the end of the anime that this player is paralyzed and that all the events of the anime are nothing but daydreams that he will not be able to achieve. This is what happened to me in 2023. I thought I would find a job, succeed in my life, and write my master's thesis, but none of this ever happened.
@DinaElwy Thank you for sharing your experience with depression in 2023. I can hear how deeply that impacted you to feel as though your hopes and dreams were just out of reach. You have demonstrated great strength in making it through that challenge and I have faith in your ability to find hope and meaning again. What helped you through those difficult times or what do you feel might help lift your spirits now?
@ASilentObserver
first half felt like a bowl dropping, breaking into pieces. Not shattered but at times trying to pick up pieces it’ll feel like a cut, it hurts, I blame myself, and not sure I even want to piece it back together, which makes me feel guilty, but other times I leave it.
@BaBean Thank you for sharing your experience with me. It sounds like depression has brought a lot of difficult emotions around blaming yourself and feeling unsure about putting the pieces back together.
@ASilentObserver
Thanks for this follow up. And my apologies for delayed reply. It’s been a tough week. Leaving the pieces usually feels hopeless, lonely, and maybe bc when I try and get “cut” by sharp edges, it feels like what’s the point, it’s broken, and it may just hurt more to try…. Bc in the past that has seemed to be a pattern.
Sometimes I feel guilty bc of my anxiety and depression and chronic pain and very dysfunctional family, bc I’ve been hurt from my family, I’ve had other traumas, I tend to feel like these are my problems and shortcomings and I’m a burden to those in my life so if I leave it, it feels like I’m not trying, even though I have.
I understand not everyone understands depression, anxiety, PTSD, and some aren’t sensitive or aware of how debilitating it can be, but I’ve had a few major traumas and none of my siblings have ever reached out or acknowledged, my mother takes the role of needing sympathy, my father was always concerned. I know it can be difficult and I have never even mentioned it to my siblings but I don’t want to not try, but I’m not sure it even matters to them.
I am lost deep down in the dark sea. No matter where I am swimming and how hard I try, I never know where I go. Where's the surface I long for? Am I sinking towards the bottom? I don't know. Sometimes I can make out rays of sunshine, other times it's pitch black.
@cautiousVixen Thank you for sharing your experience with us. It sounds like feeling lost and unsure of where you're going in the depths of depression is difficult and lonely. What helps you find moments of sunlight when all seems dark?
@ASilentObserver
As cheesy as it might sound, most of all my girlfriend. She seems to be a constant ray of sunshine in my life, and I'm so grateful to have her around. Even if she might not be able to help illuminate the deep sea, already seeing her rays reaching out for me all the time gives me hope and strength to continue swimming.
@cautiousVixen Your depression experience sounds similar to my own...I bet it's just as cold & inhospitable, too. Here's hoping you find ways to keep the black water at bay, & to figure out where to swim to get out of it when it engulfs you in the future.
@slowdecline48
Thank you for shining a bit of light into my dark sea with the hopes you're sending my way. Likewise, I hope that the situation you're struggling with will become better and more bearable to deal with as well.
In the past I have been compared to a turtle by friends, retreating into my shell when depressed or anxious.
@BeCreative1967 That's a poignant metaphor of retreating into your shell when feeling depressed or anxious. How did you arrive at seeing yourself as a turtle in those difficult moments? You have found a way to describe your experience that resonates deeply.
@ASilentObserver
That's actually a metro-her a friend of mine brought up, when I was a teenager. But ever since I think of me like that, when I do retreat. But anyway sometimes it's nice to know I carry a shell to retreat into.
@BeCreative1967
True to your name; it's creatively put.
Also, Taking it positively by saying that you carry a shell with you shows how strong you are in yourself.
Sending smiles for You.
@ASilentObserver For me, the metaphor never changes. When I have a depressive episode it's like a gigantic cloud of absolute darkness, roiling forward inside my head. It takes up every corner, occupies every square cm of mental space. It's cold, too...cold enough that I could see my breath when I exhale, if the fog wasn't so black & I could actually see anything.
@ASilentObserver For me it's like being caged, the cage I'm in is getting smaller and smaller, I feel cornered. I could also compare it to drowning, when my feelings and anxiety overwhelm me, I feel like I'm drowning in myself and an invisible force doesn't let me do anything, I can't leave the room or my bed.
@DannyCalifornia Thank you for sharing those deeply personal metaphors of how depression has felt for you. The feelings of being caged and cornered, drowning in invisible forces, and lost in a labyrinth without the strength to find your way out - convey so well the struggle and loneliness of this illness. What aspects of yourself do you feel you have not lost, the parts of you that give you hope to keep going despite it all?
@ASilentObserver Hello! I think my biggest fear was not recognizing myself, feeling like a stranger in my own skin, I was always very stubborn, I don't give up, I always keep going, this time I thought I couldn't get out.
@ASilentObserver my depression is like a toxic person I know who comes to visit but now I am wise enough to put up boundaries so they don't get close enough to hurt me
@fernforest That is a thoughtful metaphor. It sounds like you've learned important lessons about setting boundaries to protect your well-being. You are wise beyond your years in prioritizing self-care when depression visits. Your strength and self-awareness shine through. What insights you've gained about yourself through this experience?
My Depression is a wall and the symptoms of it are vines fortifying it's strength. I hope with regular therapy I can make better choices and feel more stable in 2024.
@postpartum23mom Thank you for sharing your metaphor with me. I can understand how the vines of depression symptoms fortifying the wall can feel restricting. Your hope to feel more stable through regular therapy is very positive. What aspects of feeling more stable are most important to you as you work towards your goals in the new year?
A silhouette walking in a wood
or
A unsuspecting wall with paint or paper; if you took a hammer a busted a hole in it, you'd find it's insides black with mold
