Weekly Prompt #18: Is loneliness a constant companion or an occasional visitor in your life?
Hello everyone, I hope you are all being easy on yourself this week.
Last week we discussed: How does depression influence your self-perception and self-esteem? Thank you to all who participated and shared their thoughts for discussion. I enjoyed them. I hope you all did too. If you didn't share yours, please share them here and I look forward to reading and discussing them with you.
This week's prompt: Is loneliness a constant companion or an occasional visitor in your life? How do you navigate its ebb and flow?
I wanted to start a discussion on how loneliness is affecting our lives. I look forward to hearing and discussing with you all!
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Neither honestly. I have a family so I’m the opposite. I never get alone time that I desire.
@akay06 awww yes alone time is important for us all ❤
@akay06 It sounds like you're feeling a desire for more personal time that you're not able to fulfill currently with your family responsibilities. How does that lack of alone time affect you?
However, loneliness and being alone are two different aspects. Loneliness is a state of mind linked to wanting human contact but feeling alone. While being alone is a personal choice where you have human contacts but you want some personal time away from it.
Yes, I know the difference between being lonely and physically alone; however, they sometimes intersect. I feel neither at this juncture in my life.
@akay06 agreed
@ASilentObserver I'm not sure. I think I like being alone. I do live in a care home. So I'm not lonely. And I'm not interested in dating and stuff. It's just nice to be free. But sometimes I think it might be nice to have family members of a close friend. I'm not sure
@Tinywhisper11 It sounds like you experienced both enjoying your independence at the care home and also some mixed feelings about family or close friendship. Being alone can feel freeing at times, yet companionship also has its benefits. What kinds of support do you find most meaningful in your life?
@ASilentObserver I've never had any family members no parents or anything. And I wasn't allowed to socialise I was kept locked away till I was 18. So I never made friends. Now I don't leave the carehome, so my biggest support are my carers and health workers and of course cups ❤
@Tinywhisper11 Thank you for adding more thoughts. It sounds like you've faced many challenges growing up without family or friends. You mentioned finding support through 7 cups as well. It seems despite the difficulties, you are finding caring people to rely on now. Your every step counting and tells your story of resilience as well.
Both really. I have bpd and bipolar as well as depression, so when I'm with my "favorite person/people" it doesn't feel like I've ever been lonely, but as soon as they leave it's like I question if anyone loves me or wants me around at all. It feels like loneliness is all ever ever felt.
@live1laugh1bpd It sounds like feelings of loneliness can be intense for you when your favorite people aren't around. Your feelings are understandable given what you've shared about managing bpd, bipolar disorder, and depression. You aren't alone in struggling with loneliness at times. What helps you cope in those difficult moments?
@ASilentObserver
Despite spending a great deal of time around people i am always feeling lonely. Even with my family i feel out of place.
Sometimes that can be the hardest because you feel like things should be better with family. But you can get yourself to a better spot with them and everyone else. Sending peace. @Gettingbettertoday
@Gettingbettertoday I understand feeling lonely can be difficult, even around family. You're not alone in experiencing that sense of loneliness. What thoughts or feelings arise for you when you feel out of place with them?
@ASilentObserver
Its a feeling of emptiness, of meaninglessness.
@Gettingbettertoday Feeling empty and without meaning can be difficult to experience. You're not alone in feeling this way, and we are all here with to support <3
@Gettingbettertoday I totally understand how you feel. Not belonging, even when around people, it can leave a pit in your stomach and an ache in your heart and feels like an echo of private meaningless sadness. I feel it every single day
I'm never really alone I always at least have one person to talk to, but a lot of the time i feel lost like im surrounded by people I've never seen even if I've known them all my life.
That sounds tough. What do you do to process it? @MushroomBoy13
@bestVase7265 I just try to remind myself where I am and that I'm surrounded by people who care it usually works but there's definitely the worse days that I can't do anything to stop the feeling
@MushroomBoy13 Thank you for sharing how you feel. It sounds like you experience feeling lost even when surrounded by people you care about. That sense of disconnection must be difficult to cope with. You clearly care about your relationships and try different strategies to feel more grounded, which shows strength. Simply being heard can help when we feel this way. What usually triggers those worse days when you can't stop the feeling, or what aspects of it are most distressing?
@ASilentObserver there's many things that can cause it but the main one is overthinking or just being overwhelmed
Hi Observer! Interesting topic, thank you for bringing it up!
Loneliness is not a constant for me but with depression it can be very contradictive. And I think there's a big difference between being lonely and being alone.
I'm a mother and a 100% introvert so I usually need my solitary moments to recharge. But at the same time I'm afraid to be alone because then there's a lot of space for the dark thoughts to come and do their thing. I can't seem to find the right balance between recharging by solitude and not getting a depression after being alone.
Another thing is that it's possible to feel lonely while being surrounded by family and friends. I feel like that usually when I'm depressed, despite the people are there for me because while having the dark moments I'm unable to share how I feel and tell for example my husband that I need a hug at the moment. I try to communicate by other channels, like my eyes, or just indicate somehow, but it's not always working (of course it's not his fault). And then I feel lonely, even though he's right there, I close up even more, tell myself I won't bother the others while they have too much to do and I don't want to be a constant negativity transmitter. Then I ask my kids to hug me but it's not enough somehow. And there are not a lot of friends that know what's happening so there's that.
One moment I'm glad the friends are there, talking with them and when I'm in the well, I just want them all gone so I can lose the "okay" mask.
But I have channels I can vent to, including 7Cups, my therapist and 2 online friends so it's getting better, really slowly. I'm learning to share with my husband more but it takes me a lot of energy. I think being "lonely" comes from the inability to share how I feel to my closest surroundings and to get the support I need.
Sending hugs. It is a really slow process, but it is clear that you are moving in a good direction. @mish3l
@mish3l Thank you for sharing your experience with loneliness and depression. It sounds like finding balance between solitude and social support can be challenging. Your self-awareness about communicating needs to your husband is admirable. Continuing open communication while being gentle with yourself seems wise. What coping strategies have you found most helpful for navigating those dark thoughts when you're alone?
@ASilentObserver thanks 😊
Strategies ehm hard to say 🤔 I usually just feel sadness and pain when it comes and it is hard to think about anything else at that moment. But a few steps I can think of:
1. If I also have anxiety I try grounding, if it does not work then just breathe and patiently wait until it ends 😅
2. Try to share online some of it if I am able to, if not wait until it ends and/or until my husband comes home 😅 Sharing usually makes it easier. If I'm able to I write to my husband but it doesn't always come out.
3. Try to at least take care of myself while it is happening: drink enough water or take painkillers when my head hurts from crying 🙈 I usually am not able to eat anything because I would throw it up.
4. Try to distract myself somehow by watching movies, working (not able to most of the time) or drawing. But this is effective up to like 30% usually.
5. Patiently wait until it ends and tell myself it is not forever and it will pass because feelings do not take forever.
I don't have anything else 😅
@mish3l Thank you for sharing about your experience with sadness. It sounds like those feelings can be intense and all-consuming in the moment. One thing I noticed is your caring for yourself through drinking water and using pain medication - that shows strength even during hard times. You don't have to be alone with your feelings. We are here with you.
@ASilentObserver. Well I don’t ever seem to be alone but always feel cut off and lonely because my bf don’t think I ever need time away from him and we’re been together almost 7 years and I’ve only sent my time away in the hospital when I was gravely ill. I think everyone needs alone time even if it is one person just in another room or outside I can’t get him to understand this or maybe it’s just me I’ve been starting to have bronlems with our age differences he’s 62 I’m 39 it’s hitting me I could loose him my mom and dad close together and don’t know if that is something I will be able to deal with like I said I want to run and hide but he is really good to me I could not ask for me so do I take what I have or risk losing everything
@Markielue426 It sounds like you've been feeling quite alone even when surrounded by others. Having time for oneself, even just in another room, can be so important to feel recharged. Your care for balancing your needs with your relationship speaks to your wisdom and compassion. What kinds of alone time do you find most helpful for your well-being?
I don’t like to much alone time but just enough to clean the house the way I know how to do it best never been able to do with others around because I get easily distracted and off track always been that way even when it was just my room that I had to be conserned about I think I’ve always had add/adhd or something like it very hard for me to stay on track of anything I’ve gotten better but not by much I’m usually better when I am being told what needs to happen or have a list. Right now my boyfriend does almost everything except keep track of the bills and we’re done with the garden for this year. I do most all talking over the phone for the three of us my bf wears hearing aids and there not very compatible with cell phones yet had to get a cheaper set this time oh in case I didn’t mention it it is me my bf Eddie and his dad he lost his mom last year so we are just trying to get adjusted to our new normal everyday life it happened this time last year massive stroke and his dad has stage 3 kidney disease because he won’t drink enough water and eats lots of sweets I just like to take time to work on my cross stitching and zone out there disability’s are physical mine are mentally but we all work together to get everything taking care of the best way we know how I guess you could just call me an old fashion worry wort learning my new role as head of household picking the pieces up where there wife and mother left off at I do like to take time to listen to Joel Osteen on youtube or Amazon prime
@Markielue426 Thank you for sharing more context with us. It sounds like you've taken on a big responsibility in caring for your boyfriend and his father after losing his mother last year. That's a lot to manage on your own. You mentioned finding solace in cross-stitching and listening to inspirational messages - it's good to have outlets that bring you comfort and perspective during challenging times. We are all here with you to support
Take it a step at a time. You don't know the direction that life will take. @Markielue426
@ASilentObserver
Loneliness is the occasional visitor...thanks to the companionship of my kitty. :)
@neatBlueberry5213 It sounds like your kitty provides wonderful company during lonely times. Having a furry friend's affection can truly lift one's spirits. You must feel grateful for the companionship.
@ASilentObserver
So grateful!
@ASilentObserver
Loneliness is the root of all my problems. No brothers. No Sisters. No friends i can really depend on.
Never been loved either.
It's eating away at my sanity day by day.
Sending strength and peace. Have you ever found less loneliness here on 7 Cups? @eternallyworthless
@bestVase7265
Sometimes. I have met one person i thought i could call a friend but of course i was just delusional as always. I've had good conversations but most are just generic answers i can get from talking to an AI too.
What i really need is just a long hug if i'm perfectly honest.
@eternallyworthless Loneliness can be so difficult to bear. It sounds like feeling alone and without close connections is taking a toll on your well-being. You aren't alone in your experience. What's contributing to feelings of loneliness or what brings you comfort during challenging times?
@ASilentObserver
Comfort is hard to find. I used to love watching movies but i have to do my best to avoid anything with romance in it because it leaves me just miserable.
Can't turn on the radio either because it's full of love songs. Cant turn to any part of my reamining family because they don't understand and basically say 'just be happy'.
I often went out drinking and talking to strangers but i never met anyone i could connect with and the next day is always *** to get sober.
The only comfort i have is talking to people that feel similar or watching movies/reading books with psychological horror, death and negative outcomes. Basically i take solace in the fact that it could be much worse.
Drawing is something that helps too. I draw things i can never experience in real life and it also helps a bit.
@eternallyworthless It sounds like you're going through a difficult time finding comfort. Avoiding things that remind you of past relationships and turning to outlets that match your current mood are understandable coping mechanisms. All steps count and know you are trying your best. You are not alone in this, eternally. <3
@ASilentObserver
It sounds like you have been or are going through something similar too? what has helped you?
Thank you! I just wish we all could meet in real life and be lonely together :')
