Weekly Prompt #12: How has depression affected your relationships with others?
Hello everyone, I hope you are all being easy on yourself this week.
Last week we discussed: What are some small steps that we can take to promote mental health and wellbeing in our daily lives? Thank you to all who participated and shared their thoughts for discussion. I enjoyed them. I hope you all did too. If you didn't share yours, please share them here and I look forward to reading and discussing them with you.
This week's prompt: How has depression affected your relationships with others?
I wanted to start a discussion on how depression has impacted our relationships with others. I know that this is a sensitive and personal topic, but I believe that sharing our experiences can help us feel less alone and find ways to cope. I know that everyone's experience with depression is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. However, I hope that by sharing our stories and supporting each other, we can find ways to navigate this difficult illness and maintain meaningful connections with the people we love.
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Depression has affected my relationships with others in negative ways. Especially when I was still in school, high school to University/College. Whenever I had felt comfortable with a "friend", I tend to start sharing about my depression, then, that "friend" would rather abandon our friendship than become a support. Also, during those school years, all the same aged "friends" do not know what depression is, and I'm often brushed off to the side, then, eventually forgotten.
Actually, my first romantic relationship started because the other person noticed that I was depressed, sitting by myself in the corner of the campus cafeteria. First time someone noticed, and approached me. Sadly, our relationship only lasted for a little over a year because I dropped out of University in my second year and went home (University was a 12-hour drive away from my hometown).
Nowadays, relationships with colleagues, I tend to hide it amongst certain people. There is only one colleague that I sometimes share my feelings with. Often, because my shift starts before hers, if I'm in a bad mood because of some triggers, I'll send her a text message to not talk to me when she comes in. Those are the times when I don't feel like talking to anyone, or I'll avoid having conversations with those who could easily trigger me. With past colleagues, when I've learned they're depressed, I have lend an ear to them and shared with them ways I've used to cope.
Relationship with my family nowadays, is still very much stuck in the past. I don't really share my depressive thoughts with them. Often, I just end up isolating myself, not wanting to talk about it to anyone, nor talk to anyone about anything. I just overcame an incident that happened at work, that made me very depressed for 5-6 days. It happened on a Thursday, a couple of weeks ago, I didn't speak to that colleague the next day, and I was quiet over the weekend at home. I stayed mainly in my computer room, headphones on, playing my music playlist, didn't speak to my family much even when we sat together for meals, and I even went to bed earlier (not sleeping earlier, but just wanted to be by myself). The next week, I continued to not speak with that colleague until my last day before I were to be off for 1.5 weeks, so it wasn't until last Wednesday that I spoke a few words to that colleague who triggered my depression. I'm not exactly looking forward to going back to work next week, but if I remembered correctly she'll be off Mon-Wed, so, hopefully things will go well in the beginning of the week.
I'm someone who is sensitive to others around me, and can be easily influenced by what others say. Even if it's not as a personal attack, my first reaction is always a personal hit. Depending on what was said, it could trigger my depression to kick in immediately, or it'll take a day or too before I feel it.
Lastly, because of my depression, I often worry if I'll ever find a true friend, or be in a romantic relationship where the other person can accept me fully, depression and everything-in-between. Actually, this has become one of my fears, but that's another story.
@ASilentObserver
My heart goes out to you for all the things you are dealing with due to your depression. It's hard to put in words and sentences how bad I feel about it drastically affecting your relationship with your loved ones and the people around you.
Nevertheless, I'd like to express that being a sensitive human being with a soft heart may not be taken as a weakness. Rather, it's a courageous act to survive this world with it. It means that you are more kinder than others, you are more sensitive to others' sufferings and you also avoid hurting people because you know very well how it feels to be hurt.
It is your depression which may create issues between you and your loved ones (and that's not you). However, you as a person, are the most awesome, kind-hearted, beautiful soul embedded with wonderful talents. Every human being is gifted in many ways and I'm sure that there are skills in you that make you stand out from the whole crowd. And I'd love to remind you that! ♥️
When I was under depression, it was hard for me to even do the smallest household chores such as washing the dishes. I used to feel like a loser for not being able to do even the easiest tasks of my life. Somehow, I realized that I'm being too harsh on myself. The fact is that we oftentimes forget to pat our backs for the smallest things and wait for something huge to occur to feel proud of ourselves. I learned that in the hardest way, however, I'd love to share my learning with you — Be proud of yourself even for trying/whilst trying to achieve something instead of waiting to pat your back to succeed at it!
Much love,
-Angel 💙💜
@Jaeteuk
Angel, thank you for being empathetic towards my situations. It means a lot to hear what others have to say about it and how it's normal. That's it's not me that's acting out, but the depression playing its role in these relationships. Your words and perspectives are very comforting, thank you.
I feel that with a kind heart, others tend to take advantage of me more, because they know I won't do anything bad or mean to them. When things like this happens at work, it often drains a lot of my energy, and it saddens me. Here I am, trying to act in a way that makes everybody happy, then, the next minute, someone picks on some small thing I missed or to them, did incorrectly, and it literally drags me down. I feel at work, colleagues do not understand my kindness nor acknowledges it, but rather, they will pick on me because I won't fight back (as that would make them feel bad).
As for the talents and skills you've mentioned, I don't have anyone around me to stick around long enough to care and see them as strengths nor have someone to appreciate it. Honestly, I don't even know what talents and skills I have to offer, when no one sees it. What's the use of having them when no one wants to get to know me on a more personal level?
With all the relationships I've experienced, all I ask/hope for is to have at least one true friend in my life, and that I'll be able to meet someone to become my significant other. Is this too much to ask for? Why are people so afraid of depression itself, and would rather walk away than stay by my side?
Depression has become a part of my life, things would've been different if I haven't gone through all those experiences in my life, traumas and all. So, I feel that in friendships, I need to state my depression upfront, as it's a part of my life, the other person needs to know. Instead, whenever I mention the word depression, even before I tell them stories I have with it, they already want to turn to backs on me and walk away, before I say anymore. I try to stay positive, and forgive them for walking away because maybe they don't understand depression enough to deal with those who suffer from it. At the same time though, it's saddening to see how people will rather walk away, than be interested to learn about it in order to maintain connection to people like us. Will there every be at least one person in my life, who is willing to stop, listen to my stories, and stay by my side despite living with depression? Will this person ever walk into my life? As much as I don't want to lose that hope, my hopes lessen by the year. *Sigh*
@lyricalAngel70
Hey, just a hint: Don't talk upfront about depression. Let the relationships evolve to a more mature status and then talk about it. Otherwise you may just scare people off before they got to know you (depression is just a small part of who you are, don't make it the front character). And depression is just a word. The way people feel and experience it varies considerably. So you can talk about being sensitive and reactive. That's more accurate and less stigmatized than "depression".
Thank you for the tip, but depression had been what I had to deal with me for 75% of my life so far. So, it has created to the person I am today. I'll take your advice for using sensitive though, I guess the word "depression" do seem to scare people off. Haven't thought about how I word it nicer so it doesn't scare them off. I'll have to give it more thoughts, thanks.
@Jaeteuk I can hear how much your experiences with depression have impacted your relationships and trust in others. It's clear you have been through a lot of pain. You deserve caring people in your life who see you for who you are. How have you been able to find moments of joy, even with these difficulties?
Please know that even know things are harder and sometimes feel like a lot to process. Your every step counts and I appreciate you for participating in these discussions and sharing your learning, experiences, and emotions with us. We are all here to support and empower each other to navigate through these challenges of life.
Obs, I usually feel quite hurt after each experience of having the other person abandon our friendship. A couple of years ago, I had an incident where it completely broke my trusting abilities to pieces. Sometimes, I don't even trust myself. I had been so desperate to have a good friend, that I was scammed. The friendship lasted for only 3 months, during that time, I felt it was like a long-lost friend that I've known all my life. But it somehow made a sharp turn, and I was scammed financially too. Not only was the person fake, but for some reason, I stupidly fell for it. After reporting to Local Police, even they weren't able to track that person down. It was a lesson learned the hard way and the most devastating form of what I thought, a good friendship.
So things have been tough, paid off a debt last year and now doubting myself if I have the abilities to make new friends. Not just because of being afraid of rejection when I mention about my depression, but even the initial interaction, I now need to doubt myself.
Honestly, I don't know where to find joy anymore. I really want to have at least one best friend, but like I said, I don't trust my trusting abilities anymore. So the next problem is, how do I regain the trust for trusting others?
Obs, your prompts always turn into a reflection of my own experiences and I'd get a rush of mixed emotions. A good time to look back on things that I was once afraid of although it's still scary, but I could get more perspectives from your responses or what other members have to say. Thank you!~
@ASilentObserver
Hi, ASO,
Depression has caused me to stay in bad relationships all my life. It caused me to think that nothing was wrong because I suppressed all my feelings/emotions.
@purpleTree4652 I can understand how suppressing your emotions and feelings for so long would make it difficult to recognize when you were in an unhealthy relationship. What emotions are coming up for you now as you reflect on this? You are not alone in this.
@ASilentObserver
Hi, ASO,
I can understand how suppressing your emotions and feelings for so long would make it difficult to recognize when you were in an unhealthy relationship. What emotions are coming up for you now as you reflect on this? You are not alone in this.
I don't know. You ask such complex and in depth questions, that I would need to think about an answer. But the minute I leave this page, my chance to respond is gone unless I remember to look for others' responses to this page and then find your question to me so I can give you my answer. I need the length of time in a therapy session to have time to come up with an answer. It takes me a long time to get to my emotions and feelings. Thank you for asking these questions.
I couldn't make any friends most of the time because I was no fun to be around. My family members found me annoying and would ignore me whenever we were together.
That sounds pretty rough. How are things now?@WharfRat
@bestVase7265
I'm still no fun to be around and when I'm with others, I can tell when I've overstayed my welcome. I've learned to shut up before saying too much. I used to overshare.
Depression really makes us feel like others hate to be around us. It is so hard. Sometimes I think that people care a lot more about us than our minds allow us to believe. @WharfRat
My depression has affected my relationships with my wife and my mom, primarily.
My wife feels co-dependent, by her own admission, so when I am suffering she suffers too. She also has a master's in social work, so she understands what I deal with from an almost clinical perspective, too. Sometimes, I tell her she is acting like my case manager. That's not great for our marriage. But right now, I'm home again after a crisis-spurred week in a local hospital's inpatient psych unit. The break and the help it gave me has improved our situation, and I feel more like a spouse again instead of a client. I am actively working on a recovery plan to feel better for the long term, and this includes my hopes to be a better giver in our relationship
With my mom, I feel like she has a poor understanding of how serious my illness is and how close I was to serious self-harm. I am admittedly harboring resentment because of a message she sent me during my recent crisis. While vowing love and support, her message also leveraged guilt to urge me to toughen up and be resilient. When I read it, I felt 10 times worse. Two days later, I consented to the inpatient stay for my safety. I know she meant well, but I still get mad thinking about how badly her words misread the situation. I am working on forgiveness and acceptance, but I'm left wondering how I can educate my mom about more empathetic ways to talk to someone in a crisis. I have things to work on in therapy relating to my childhood relationship with my mom, and I'm hopeful that processing with my therapist will help me find the right words to talk to my mom.
It sounds like you are working through some really challenging stuff right now and doing a great job tackling it all.
I think the best you can give yourself right now is lots of time for self-care and reflection. When you are ready to talk to people about relationships you will know in your heart that it is the right time to do so. @PeanutButterMurph
@PeanutButterMurph I'm sorry to hear how your depression has impacted your relationships. It sounds like your wife and mom want the best for you, but don't fully understand what you're going through.
I don’t have depression anymore, at least until the next wave comes, but whenever I am I become very reserved. Not wanting to talk or socialize. I snapped at my siblings a lot, which I feel horrible about. How could they know the hurt inside me? I hid my depression until one day I couldn’t even get out of bed and I had to feel my mom (altho I didn’t really explain how bad it was). I became anxious about talking to anyone, and I am normally a people person. I spent a lot of time on my phone or on the computer. I hid it well around my friends, so I guess it didn’t impact them too much, although it made me less of a participant in convos and such so I was often forgotten. I think the relationship that suffered the most was me and my parents. They tried to help me, but I pushed them away. They didn’t understand how bad it was, because I didn’t tell them. Because I couldn’t. I don’t know why, but I just couldn’t. If it weren’t for 7Cups I doubt I’d even have mentioned depression. But uh I realize now that this message is rather depressing itself so I’ll shut up now. Just want to remind you guys that recovery from depression IS possible. Y’all have got this 💪
Your message isn't depressing at all. It is inspirational. It is also perfectly normal not to easily be able to talk about it and push people away. I am glad that you are in a better spot now. @ThatChristLover
Ty ❤️
How have you been doing? @ThatChristLover
tysm for checking in ❤️ I’ve been… well I’m not depressed just down. How about you?
Sometimes it is just a low energy thing, isn't it? I will admit that I have been better. Lots of family stress at the moment as my parents age. But I am handling it better than I would have a few years ago. @ThatChristLover
I’m sorry to hear about that! I’m glad that you are handling it better this time though. Here for you if you ever need me ❤️
Thanks, likewise from me! @ThatChristLover
Depression has caused me to not want to socialize and while I feel alone, I am to blame for not having any friends or other relationship.
How are you doing now?@IamOHhh
Struggling but I try to hide it as I know that is best.
Why is that best? Best for who? Sometimes I find that if it bounces too much around in my head that I get worse. Sending strength and peace. @IamOHhh
I don't know, but I guess the less I talk about it or express exactly how I feel the more people like to be around me.
Friends and family often do want to help. The depression brain lies to you and says you are alone. But remember when people help you by listening it can also help them. Think about when you help somebody - do you feel like you have accomplished something? Others often feel the same way. You just have to find the right people to connect with. @IamOHhh
How has depression affected your relationships with others?
I lost my friends and my sister, brother-in-law, and other relatives avoid me. This may be due to my C-PTSD as well as my depression, but I know people didn't like being around me any more because I just wasn't any fun.
Well for me, I'm still a teenager and my close friends know that I have mental health issues. I tend to have a lot of panic attacks in school where I just freeze, zone out, bounce my leg, become easily agitated, on edge and quiet.
Over the years I've gone quieter but not alot of people notice because I am quite extroverted around my close friends.
I used to be a really talkative person but now I can't even speak properly in class or at the front of class without a panic attack being triggered and I just tend to just start laughing because laughing is my coping mechanism alongside humour and that tends to get on people's nerves because they think I'm mocking them when really, I'm trying to calm down.
And because of that aloy of people talk to me which is bad because that drains me so bad because talking to people or being anywhere social including family just sucks the life out of me.
It affects me because everyone gets annoyed at me because either always zone out and I'm quite and easily irritated.
I also always isolate myself whenever I can because around more than a few people I'm on edge.I just stay in bed all day and I keep the room dark. My movements are mostly really sluggish and I just oversleep alot
So yeah, tell me what you think.
That sounds tough. Do you have people who you can talk to, a therapist or a doctor?@tae0was0here
No but I use this app called Wysa- definitely recommend and I have an appointment in a month to discuss possible choices for CBT or counselling.
I was recommended this app by my doctor but it didn't help at all.
@ASilentObserver
To me, depression is a mental health issue that causes sadness, lack of motivation, no energy, etc.. when depressed you may feel like not engaging at all in normal day life activities. Thus being said, when depressed in a relationship, the things you normally do with your partner might lesson, you may want to do nothing at all... and its best to communicate with your partner on your thoughts so they know what's going on with your emotions. Some partners can be understanding and some may not understanding, but its best to not give up and to keep communication going, the triggers and perhaps things you can do in small bits so that you and partner are still engaged and there are days depression might not be as bad...thats the chance to take it and do something fun or new. But when you are depressed, let the emotions run its course.
I think depression can affect relationships a lot if you do not learn how to navigate depression and communication. I hope you heal and please reach out to me if you need help