Venting

Some background before I start is that I have two best friends since childhood, our parents are all best friends so we see eachother a few times a month. Their names are Leah and Addison, and they’re my age and in the same grade. (16 years old, starting 10th grade) Leah and Addison are closer to eachother than they are with me and my twin sister and they see eachother more often because they’re neighbors, while I live 30 minutes away.

When I get happy or excited, I talk a lot and do random stuff, and I’m really loud. It gets annoying, but it’s hard to reign it in. I know it’s not good, people don’t like it, and I’m trying my best to be better. Leah and Addison make fun of me a lot in general too. Yeah, I get it’s all just in a jokingly way, but it gets personal when they point out something wrong with me that I already know about. Or when they mock me when I say something. They did a lot of this today, and throughout this whole weekend. It’s supposed to be a joke, but I take it to heart. I’m so sensitive, and I don’t want to ruin this weekend for myself and my friends. I don’t want to create drama like a five year old.

I’ll give an example:

Yesterday, we were walking around the campground. Randomly, Leah and Addison started running away and I said “hey where are we going?” And they didn’t answer but I heard them say “hurry up! she’s going to catch up with us!” And I kept saying “wait for me! please guys?” And I was running as fast as I could but I had sandals on. They’re hard to run in. I fell and got the total wind knocked out of me. They turned around to look at me and continued running and I was like “yep I’m great, thanks!” They didn’t even care! They mocked me when we got back to our campsite. “I’m great thanks!” In a really high pitched voice (I don’t sound like that!!) Also tonight I told them how my progress in learning French is because I’m learning another language. They said “No one speaks French in America. It’s mostly Spanish, so it’s kinda pointless.” And I said “I really like the language, so why not?” And leah said “alright, let’s send Lucy to Paris.” and I said “I’m good with that!” And leah said “no no no, we’re not coming with you, we’re leaving you there forever. it would make my life a lot easier.” I laughed, but that hurt. And today on the beach, i sat down on a picnic table, and it sounded like it cracked. Leah looked over and said “dang Lucy, are you really that fat!?” I know it’s a joke, but I have struggled with my weight even though I’m average. Sometimes I’ll stop eating for a while because I feel like I don’t deserve it. They know all about my mental health problems, of course. They’re my only friends, since I don’t have many in school. Also, when I talk too much or when I say something random when I’m happy or excited, they say “god Lucy do you ever stop talking?!!” It hurts so bad. I’ve tried to talk to them about it, but they say “it’s a joke it’s fine” but they don’t joke around like that with my twin sister, or with eachother. Why me? I don’t understand. I try to be understanding and nice about it. I pretend like I’m fine with it so I don’t cause a scene. I’m always kind to them. I know I’m too sensitive and I need to lighten up, but I can’t help it, it really does hurt ☹️

~Lucy