(TW) I need to get this off my chest
Trigger warning for mentions of suicide. Please don't feel obligated to read or interact if this will negatively impact you or your health, make sure you're taking care of yourselves <3
I'm posting this here because I just need someone to listen. I can't share any of this with my friends right now, and not because they're bad friends, but because everyone is just in a high stress mode right now. (For context, I'm a college student and we're getting into exam season. A lot of us are at an all time high level of stressed out and tired).
Anyways,
To put it simply, I tried to end my life last night (I'm not going into details, don't worry). It didn't work and I contacted a suicide hotline and spoke to a counselor who was very helpful and kind. They even offered for someone to check up on me today. (I highly recommend talking to a hotline if you ever need it, I've used their resources many times and have had pretty good experiences).
But the point is, I just want someone to acknowledge what happened, I guess. It feels surreal, almost, to wake up this morning and eat and work on homework and (finally!) clean my room. I can talk to friends and they have no idea what could've happened last night. I suppose I also want someone to be proud of me, that I reached out to get help before the shock of what happened wore off. I feel kind of silly for asking for acknowledgement, but I will still ask. It's kind of hard to feel like my problems matter when everyone else is going through hard struggles. And I'm not blaming anyone at all, my friends and I are going through a stressful season of life right now. I suppose I just want someone to just listen to me and not share their problems.
I know it's very easy to cross the line of "I do the same, you're not alone" and "I do the same, it's now my turn to share my problems", I often have trouble telling when I've shared or said too much. But I just really want someone to be focused on only me, even for a little bit. I want someone else to be proud of me, y'know? I want someone else to know that this is hard and I'm really trying.
I suppose there's not much of a point to this. At the end of the day, I just want someone to see and acknowledge me. Anyways if you read this far, thanks for listening, I appreciate it <3
Hello @celerysticker 🤗
I'm truly glad you reached out for help and shared your feelings here. It's a significant step to acknowledge what you're going through and seek support. It's okay to want recognition for the struggles you're facing and the efforts you're making to overcome them. Your feelings are valid, and what you're experiencing matters. You're not alone in feeling overwhelmed, especially during such a stressful time, but you've shown incredible strength by seeking help and continuing with your daily life. Remember, it's a sign of courage to ask for what you need, and you did just that. You should be proud of yourself for that. If you ever feel like talking or need someone to listen, I'm here. Take care.
@celerysticker
I don't know why TW is like a magnet for me and I usually get triggered by the word suicide because it usually means something tragic jappened.
But I didn't expect to read this. I am so happy for you! Really! I am so glad you called for help and keep fighting it, trying to get better.
And yes, if noone in your surroundings knows about what you're going through that makes it a ton lot harder than it is. Which means you are ton a lot braver. Take care 🙏❤️
Well we are proud of you. We hope that you feel acknowledged here. We know how hard it is.
Be sure to reach out as soon as you can when you get like that though, okay? You don't need to suffer alone and you are needed here on earth.
May your exam preparations go well. I know that exhaustion from the other side. You will get through it. @celerysticker
@bestVase7265 thank you for your words, I really appreciate it. I'm trying to reach out, it's just hard to find ways to say what I'm feeling sometimes, especially when no one else is doing well. So I'm incredibly grateful for places like 7cups where I can get support elsewhere. And thank you for your encouragement, I will take all the encouragement that I can get, especially for exams and for trying to stay mentally strong through all of it.
You are writing things down. That is the first step to being able to say them aloud to other people. Keep up the good work. @celerysticker
How were things today? @celerysticker
@celerysticker PROUD ON U ,,......HEY TELL ME FIRST R U OKAY NOW? HOW R U FEELING? R U ABLE TO DO UR WORK TODAY LIKE BATHING EATINB CLEANING? LAST NIGHT U HAD SUCH THOUGHTS ..
R U TODAY FEELING POSITIVE?
@intellectualBlackberry2982 thanks for being enthusiastically encouraging, I appreciate that. And I've made some progress, like I washed my sheets the other day. The thoughts are still there, sure. But I'm trying to ground myself when I'm feeling overwhelmed or generally lost. I've definitely had my ups, it's just sometimes hard to remind myself of things on why I should continue to fight this fight. Thank you for being proud of me, I really appreciate your kind words and the time you took to check in.
@celerysticker I SO relate to this!
Back in the day, we did not have hotlines or anyone to call, and I have no idea if I would have had the courage to call like you did. When I did give in to my bad feelings, I was taken to the psych ward, and then it was like all of the attention from the doctors was overwhelming (after getting none or only negative attention, for so long).
I was not in bad enough state for emergency medicine, but I did get emergency counseling. I became happy and talkative, and then the head doctor said I was being manipulative to get attention. WT actual F? So, focusing on me when I feel bad, and giving me a positive experience to lift me out of that turmoil was too much to ask. But, when the psych ward did it and it worked, I was still the problem?? I hope times have changed. 💗
Even though everyone is struggling, you are right. You deserve to get some positive attention when you need it, and yes, I am SO proud of you for calling someone to get it! It does not have to be a big to do. It can be enough for someone, anyone, to make me a priority for a few minutes. I really get it.
And now that I have gotten that off my chest (thank you so much for sharing your story!), I want to thank you, and everyone here at 7cups, for being here.
This website has become for me what that hotline was for you. I SO so so so appreciate everyone that has the courage to post on this site and share experiences. 7cups is so loving and supportive, and though I will probably never meet you in person, I am so happy you are here.
Thank you, thank you, for continuing to be here. I love you. You matter. You are priceless. Your presence here is saving lives, and I am the proof. Thank you for being you. 🥰💖
@niceSea1350 Times have changed, because 7cups is here. Sometimes it can be hard to let go of the past, but processing how I feel here, I see that times have changed, and I can let go of the past.
Did I say I love you all of you? Yes? Well, I am saying it again. 🥰
@niceSea1350 sounds like you've dealt with a lot yourself, I'm glad you have 7cups here for you now. Thank you for sharing your story as well, as well as sharing your kind words. Thank you for being encouraging and supportive, it really means a lot <3
@celerysticker It is so amazing to have brave, loving, supportive, sensitive people like you posting in a forum like this. When I was growing up, I felt like being sensitive and loving was a flaw, and now I am surrounded by so many others like myself that I can only see that these traits are an asset. 💖
Thank you for your kind, supportive response to my share, as well. 🥰🥰🥰
@celerysticker I'm so proud of you for reaching out when you needed help. I know that life can be stressful and hard at times. What you went through is difficult and you should be proud of yourself too for getting through it. It's easy to keep problems to yourself when you see others going through their own stuff. I'm glad that you reached out and were able to focus on yourself. You matter and your problems matter. Any time you need help, reach out either to the hotlines or here on 7cups. I'm happy to help however I can and I know there are so many other people happy to talk to you and listen. Take care of yourself and love yourself.
Hugs
@WestCoastWater thank you for being encouraging and acknowledging my problems, that alone is uplifting. Thank you for being proud. Take care of yourself and love yourself too, thank you for taking the time to read this and respond
@celerysticker You are very welcome! Have a great weekend.
@celerysticker
Hey I hope you are doing good today! I want to tell you that this community is proud of you and believe that you have been giving your all to be where you are at. Life can be hard sometimes and when it gets hard just know you can count on us and me. I went through a similar experience and felt the exact same way. Even though I don’t know what you are going through I hope you the very best. I’m so proud of you for making progress because in the end it’s all that matters. :)
@ivoryAcai80 thank you! I'm very grateful for how kind everyone in this community has been, it's been really surprising and touching to see the amount of kind messages I've received. Sorry to hear you went through a similar experience but I'm glad you're still here too. And thank you for being proud, I really appreciate that :]