(TW) I need to get this off my chest

Trigger warning for mentions of suicide. Please don't feel obligated to read or interact if this will negatively impact you or your health, make sure you're taking care of yourselves <3

I'm posting this here because I just need someone to listen. I can't share any of this with my friends right now, and not because they're bad friends, but because everyone is just in a high stress mode right now. (For context, I'm a college student and we're getting into exam season. A lot of us are at an all time high level of stressed out and tired).

Anyways,

To put it simply, I tried to end my life last night (I'm not going into details, don't worry). It didn't work and I contacted a suicide hotline and spoke to a counselor who was very helpful and kind. They even offered for someone to check up on me today. (I highly recommend talking to a hotline if you ever need it, I've used their resources many times and have had pretty good experiences).

But the point is, I just want someone to acknowledge what happened, I guess. It feels surreal, almost, to wake up this morning and eat and work on homework and (finally!) clean my room. I can talk to friends and they have no idea what could've happened last night. I suppose I also want someone to be proud of me, that I reached out to get help before the shock of what happened wore off. I feel kind of silly for asking for acknowledgement, but I will still ask. It's kind of hard to feel like my problems matter when everyone else is going through hard struggles. And I'm not blaming anyone at all, my friends and I are going through a stressful season of life right now. I suppose I just want someone to just listen to me and not share their problems.

I know it's very easy to cross the line of "I do the same, you're not alone" and "I do the same, it's now my turn to share my problems", I often have trouble telling when I've shared or said too much. But I just really want someone to be focused on only me, even for a little bit. I want someone else to be proud of me, y'know? I want someone else to know that this is hard and I'm really trying.

I suppose there's not much of a point to this. At the end of the day, I just want someone to see and acknowledge me. Anyways if you read this far, thanks for listening, I appreciate it <3