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celerysticker
1,203 M Little Steps 3
I am a student first and not always active
PathStep 8 Compassion hearts204 Forum posts40 Forum upvotes81 Current upvotes81 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2024 Member sinceApril 27, 2021
Bio

Hello

I am in college and studying biology so I don't have a ton of free time lol (most of my time is spent in class, studying/doing homework, or taking breaks by gaming)

Likes: studying science, drawing, rock/indie/pop music, the Magnus Archives podcast, anime (Jujutsu Kaisen is my favorite atm), Stardew, Sims, writing short stories/poems

Dislikes: not getting enough sleep, being too cold, being lonely (I'm okay being alone until I need people)

Progress: I've been struggling with my mental health for most of my life and I have periods of great progress and really low dips. I'd like to keep the dips in health to a minimum/not dipping too much or for too long. I'd like to be able to listen to others like people listen to me, I just don't quite have the time or mental energy, especially when my friends come to me, let alone strangers. Just trying to make more steps forward than backwards at this point.

Recent forum posts
Any Advice for No Interest in Life?
Depression Support / by celerysticker
Last post
 July 11th
...See more I'm not sure if this is depression or whatever, but I just feel like I have no real interest in doing. Things. These past few weeks, I'm motivated to do things only do avoid the consequences of not doing things (ex. turning in work because I don't want a zero, washing clothes so I don't have smelly clothes, etc.) But the lack of interest/motivation is growing. I can still interact with people fine, in fact I feel myself putting more energy into interactions than I usually do. It's easier to motivate myself to do things when someone else is involved (like going to an event with friends or eating because my friends are) but it's getting hard to do anything for myself. I don't know what I want to do with my future. I can play my games as much as I want but they're not really "fun". Scrolling on *** isn't fulfilling but it's easier to avoid my messy room or unfinished school work than actually do it. I find myself making excuses to not study or put effort into anything. Maybe I'm just tired from putting a lot of effort into last week. Anyways sorry for a long post. Any advice on what to do? Or at least acknowledgement that "hey I struggle with this too lol"
I don't want my birthday to come
Depression Support / by celerysticker
Last post
 December 16th, 2023
...See more I don't really care who sees this, I just need to write down something. It feels like I shouldn't even think this way, that it's selfish to have these thoughts or this mindset. I wish I could just logic my way out of it. Maybe it's just the time of night, maybe I'm just tired. Who knows? It doesn't feel like people really see me. I've told my friends that this past semester was really hard, my hardest actually. I've told them offhandedly that I've been struggling and the responses just seem.. lackluster. I know they're tired too but gosh it can really hurt my feelings sometimes. This isn't really meant to be a rant or a pity party. I just want someone to see me. I'd like to get a therapist but I'm afraid of costs and I'm afraid of what my family will think. I'm afraid of many things and so very tired. Last semester was so incredibly draining and I don't know if this upcoming semester will be much better. I'm not in a crisis at the moment but I truly don't want to live until my birthday. The window for that time is slowly shortening. I want to make it to Christmas and make sure everyone gets their gifts. But after that? I don't know. I'll feel like I failed somehow, if I make it to my birthday. I decided over the summer that I didn't want to. I've always struggled with these thoughts but they've only gotten stronger and so much more real. It's like I can feel them at the edge of my mind, waiting to swoop in when things get bad. "This is why you should've *******" like some lame op out excuse. I know it's cheap and selfish but it's still there. Not sure what I'm looking for in this post. I just want the chance that at least someone hears me, I suppose.
Is a drastic change in emotions okay?
General Support / by celerysticker
Last post
 November 30th, 2023
...See more Hello! I'd like some advice on whether or not such a big change in emotions (from really low to really positive) is anything to be concerned about. I know it sounds like a silly thing, so I'll give some background. Trigger warning just for mentions of suicide, just to show the contrast. I made a post on November 20th about being in a really low place and how I took the first step to get out of it. In fact, I've been struggling with really low mental health this month. It was to the point that I was writing notes almost weekly. I won't get into little details on everything, but I did have a set plan to to do it. I tried to about 2 1/2 weeks ago and I planned to try again (fortunately I was so exhausted by the end of the day that I quite literally didn't have the energy to do so). I cried almost every day last week and I remember crying on Sunday from just being so mentally exhausted from life. On Monday, I felt better and I felt like I was making progress. And today (Tuesday), I feel drastically better. I feel energized and alert. I feel motivated to work on all my school stuff. I feel like I can hang out with friends and joke and just be fun to hang around. Don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly grateful for feeling happy and energized, especially since I do have to get through finals next week. But it just seems a little strange? I'm not upset or anything at all, I'm just wondering if this is normal. I've had similar moments before where I was really down for a week or two and then I feel "normal". This is just the biggest difference I've seen yet. I hadn't been that low in awhile and I haven't felt this high (not literally lol) in awhile either. Sorry if this is a lot, I just don't know where to ask this elsewhere. Should I expect to crash again? Is this just my mind's way of balancing things out? Any thoughts at all are greatly appreciated. Thank you!
(TW) I need to get this off my chest
Depression Support / by celerysticker
Last post
 November 20th, 2023
...See more Trigger warning for mentions of suicide. Please don't feel obligated to read or interact if this will negatively impact you or your health, make sure you're taking care of yourselves <3 I'm posting this here because I just need someone to listen. I can't share any of this with my friends right now, and not because they're bad friends, but because everyone is just in a high stress mode right now. (For context, I'm a college student and we're getting into exam season. A lot of us are at an all time high level of stressed out and tired). Anyways, To put it simply, I tried to end my life last night (I'm not going into details, don't worry). It didn't work and I contacted a suicide hotline and spoke to a counselor who was very helpful and kind. They even offered for someone to check up on me today. (I highly recommend talking to a hotline if you ever need it, I've used their resources many times and have had pretty good experiences). But the point is, I just want someone to acknowledge what happened, I guess. It feels surreal, almost, to wake up this morning and eat and work on homework and (finally!) clean my room. I can talk to friends and they have no idea what could've happened last night. I suppose I also want someone to be proud of me, that I reached out to get help before the shock of what happened wore off. I feel kind of silly for asking for acknowledgement, but I will still ask. It's kind of hard to feel like my problems matter when everyone else is going through hard struggles. And I'm not blaming anyone at all, my friends and I are going through a stressful season of life right now. I suppose I just want someone to just listen to me and not share their problems. I know it's very easy to cross the line of "I do the same, you're not alone" and "I do the same, it's now my turn to share my problems", I often have trouble telling when I've shared or said too much. But I just really want someone to be focused on only me, even for a little bit. I want someone else to be proud of me, y'know? I want someone else to know that this is hard and I'm really trying. I suppose there's not much of a point to this. At the end of the day, I just want someone to see and acknowledge me. Anyways if you read this far, thanks for listening, I appreciate it <3
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