Stuck in the Void
I feel hollow, as if a black hole was inside me tearing everything apart from me. My heart's so tight, my head's so heavy, my body's numb. I feel paralysed in my thoughts, overthinking, feeling nothing and everything all at once, it hurts. I can't move, though I'd like to get out of bed, like making myself somethin' to eat for example but I can't. I feel so tired, I've lost everything: energy, motivation, creativity, self-esteem, joy, ...
And I don't understand why I feel like that. And it makes me feel even more bad. I don't have such a terrible and complicated life. I feel guilty for feeling bad. And I know what you'll say "it's okay to be not okay", "everyone's experience is valid no matter how small or big their challenges are" and stuff like that but still I feel so ashame, bad and stupid.
I'd like to stop this black hole inside of me but it's getting bigger and bigger over time... And I don't know how to stop it. I'm stuck in the void, even the tiny sparkles and stars I found on the way, that made me feel good for a time, has been swallowed up, lost in the emptyness of space.
I myself have lived in the darkness, the void for decades. I have no magic answers. But you’re not alone. Keep reaching out like you have here and try and find someone to connect with.
@brokenartlostmind
i felt just like that a year ago. i'd been socially isolated from my friends for a year and issues w my parents, and i felt e x a c t l y t h a t. like this hole of pure black emptiness was just gnawing in my chest and i was losing my mind and nothing would ever get better. the black hole didn't go away until i started secretly talking to one of my friends, but since they just dumped me i've been a bit worried it'll come back. so my best advice would probably be having someone to talk to, but also especially getting to hang out with somebody in person regularly, bc for me just talking online was more of a short term solution. also maybe therapy, because of course this isn't just external stuff for you, it's also internal stuff if that makes sense.
i hope you can try this and it works for you, or that you find something else that does. also if you need help finding new interests or anything to distract you i could give you book/music recommendations (:
Thanks for your response ✨
Yay I'd really like someone to talk to, but paradoxically I'm really not good at talking even though I try my best... And yeah also meeting people irl is quite complicated for me, I'm currently unemployed, I don't go outside a lot (at least places where there's much people), I'm living on a contrryside, and I'm pretty much scared to go to town alone so...
Oh why not, idk if I'll have the motivation to start a new interest, but yes I could still be interested and give it a try!
@brokenartlostmind
i get that /: i actually made some friends through work- i've been working in a deli for a year, and it's better that it's only part time, less stressful. a few months ago some customer on the phone started screaming at me and i had a panic attack, and after i managed to get a hold of it a little i wrote a note explaining my situation and gave it to one of my coworkers, and ever since it's just been a lot easier to talk and connect with her and one of our other coworkers
are you into scifi/fantasy books and what music genres? i can give a few recs for a lot of different rock subgenres
That's cool you made friends :3
I used to be friends with colleagues at my old job too, but since then we're not talking or seeing each other ...
Yay absolutely! That are my favourites genres ✨ and I do love rock too!
@brokenartlostmind
aw i'm sorry bout that.
AWESOME okay so definitely my chemical romance, smashing pumpkins, queen, nirvana, soundgarden, no doubt, joy division, etc
there's this real unheard of uk band called domestic love that is awesome, and a more indie-rock one called bears in trees with a lot of positive mental health songs (: