I miss him and I feel sick
he doesn’t want anything to do with me even though he said we could still be friends. he said it’s that he’s not over his ex but i feel like maybe it was me. i always think it’s me but maybe it’s not just me thinking it this time. the thought of being with anyone else or thinking of what we had makes me wanna throw up. we only saw each other for a couple weeks but it felt so intense.
That sounds like a lot to process...
Some other thoughts:
- Two weeks is not much time to get to know someone you want to have a relationship with.
- If he said he's not over his ex, it could mean he needs some time alone. Maybe the best thing to do is to let him have it.
- A state of emotional turmoil is not the best mindset for deciding what direction to go in one's personal life (or in one's professional life, for that matter).
he said he couldn’t have anyone be too attached for him and he hasn’t snapped me in over a day now. i just want to text him that i miss him even though maybe he doesn’t miss me cause he probably would have tried to be with me if he liked me. also what do you mean by number three do you mean me or him?
@throwaway004 I mean both. Neither one of you is thinking clearly at this point; in your case there seems to be a lot of grief, loss & confusion.
Why not leave him alone for a bit? Try to get through the days, take deep breaths, etc. Give it a few days & then see how you're feeling. Just my suggestions.
It might be better to take a few days away from the relationship and thinking about it to readjust. What kinds of things can you do to distract yourself?@throwaway004
nothing distracts me from it. i’ve felt like *** ever since. it’s been like three weeks.
Are you getting outside? Exercising? Doing art or music? I know all of it is really hard right now, but even 15-30 minutes allows your brain to rest. You just have to do it every day. @throwaway004
not really cause it’s hard to even get myself to do anything.
I can imagine that it is really hard, but don't allow your brain to beat yourself up if you can help it. You deserve some peace, but that comes from you, not from anyone else. If you tell yourself it is only 15 minutes a day it can be easier. @throwaway004
That makes sense. If he wants distance, you have to honor that no matter how bad it hurts. Thinking about other stuff helps. @throwaway004
yeah it just sucks though cause i told him i don’t want anyone else and when we meet i want to tell him i’ll wait as long as i have to. he said he talked to his exes mom bc she’s like a mom to him and she said her daughter has been messed up and so anxious whenever she wasn’t with him which is ironic because the same thing is happening to me. he said he won’t be able to start things over “for a long *** time” and in one of the voice memos i think he said something like he just needs to be alone. i don’t care about finding anyone else though.
Then don't be looking for anyone else, but find your happiness within you. When you are more happy with you and don't feel a need to have him "complete" you, then you start being more confident which anyone will find more appealing.
This is why finding activities that interest you is the best thing that you can do right now. You need to escape the relationship script that your mind has you set into. Are you getting outside walking at all?
i’ve just never been confident to begin with. this would’ve been my first relationship but it didn’t happen it seemed so real and so close though. i have been outside and just took a long walk on a trail with one of my friends a couple days ago but that only does so much. as soon as i leave i’m back to how i am even with my friends i don’t feel in the moment.
Walk outside daily. It has to become a pattern even if it is just walking the neighborhood. Or start doing some meditation exercises. Different things work for different people. Even some time watching videos online counts.
But your brain is lying to you when it says "this only helps for a few minutes." It wants to throw you off the track of healing and keep in the pit of despair. When I was in the same spot, I had to work to say to myself that 15 minutes of peace was a victory. Once I began saying that to myself over and over then 15 minutes of ok became 30 which then increased to a few hours and kept moving upwards. @throwaway004
okay thank you
Sending you strength and peace today. You can do this. @throwaway004
I know so. People are always much stronger than they give themselves credit for. You can't see the path ahead and that is really hard. But there is one. @throwaway004
yeah but i kinda am really struggling without him lol and i’ve been waking up shaking every morning and just saw he posted on *** from the cafe he works at. i wanted to maybe comment but thought it might be awkward. especially since he left my last message on seen. i’m so confused though. here he says he misses me but hasn’t even really contacted me? also in the post i saw he was wearing not only the ring that i’m 99% sure his ex gave him and he will not take off, but a new ring and i swear he better have bought it for himself lol.
I know that you are struggling, but you are more likely to be able to start a friendship again at some point if you keep away entirely for a while. You are more than any relationship that you have. Focus on you as often as possible.
okay i hope we can at least be friends but i want more if possible i don’t want to see him with anyone else
What would happen if you spent some time imagining that he doesn't exist anymore? That is the kind of distance that it would be good to create for at least a month or two. You need to be dependent on you first for your own happiness. @throwaway004
i know i just need him back. i deleted *** so i can’t look at his stories or posts or even profile at all.
I am glad that you deleted social media sites. That is really helpful. Keep working on creating that distance. It will make you need him less which will make you happier in the long run. @throwaway004
Sorry about the job. It can be a hard market sometimes. I would focus on finding a new job for a bit.
thank you :/ i might just take a break for a bit
