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I miss him and I feel sick

throwaway004 May 31st, 2023

he doesn’t want anything to do with me even though he said we could still be friends. he said it’s that he’s not over his ex but i feel like maybe it was me. i always think it’s me but maybe it’s not just me thinking it this time. the thought of being with anyone else or thinking of what we had makes me wanna throw up. we only saw each other for a couple weeks but it felt so intense.

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slowdecline48 May 31st, 2023

That sounds like a lot to process...

Some other thoughts:

  1. Two weeks is not much time to get to know someone you want to have a relationship with.
  2. If he said he's not over his ex, it could mean he needs some time alone. Maybe the best thing to do is to let him have it.
  3. A state of emotional turmoil is not the best mindset for deciding what direction to go in one's personal life (or in one's professional life, for that matter).
3 replies
throwaway004 OP June 1st, 2023

he said he couldn’t have anyone be too attached for him and he hasn’t snapped me in over a day now. i just want to text him that i miss him even though maybe he doesn’t miss me cause he probably would have tried to be with me if he liked me. also what do you mean by number three do you mean me or him?

2 replies
slowdecline48 June 3rd, 2023

@throwaway004 I mean both. Neither one of you is thinking clearly at this point; in your case there seems to be a lot of grief, loss & confusion.

Why not leave him alone for a bit? Try to get through the days, take deep breaths, etc. Give it a few days & then see how you're feeling. Just my suggestions.

1 reply
throwaway004 OP June 6th, 2023

okay we talked and he agreed to meet in person but we never said when and he left my last message on seen

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Sudmantohelp June 1st, 2023

I am so sorry, I hope things get better for you

1 reply
throwaway004 OP June 1st, 2023

thank you. idk if it will. i just want to text him and tell him how much i miss him in hopes he’ll change his mind

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bestVase7265 June 1st, 2023

It might be better to take a few days away from the relationship and thinking about it to readjust. What kinds of things can you do to distract yourself?@throwaway004

7 replies
throwaway004 OP June 1st, 2023

nothing distracts me from it. i’ve felt like *** ever since. it’s been like three weeks.

6 replies
bestVase7265 June 2nd, 2023

Are you getting outside? Exercising? Doing art or music? I know all of it is really hard right now, but even 15-30 minutes allows your brain to rest. You just have to do it every day. @throwaway004

5 replies
throwaway004 OP June 2nd, 2023

not really cause it’s hard to even get myself to do anything.

4 replies
bestVase7265 June 3rd, 2023

I can imagine that it is really hard, but don't allow your brain to beat yourself up if you can help it. You deserve some peace, but that comes from you, not from anyone else. If you tell yourself it is only 15 minutes a day it can be easier. @throwaway004

1 reply
throwaway004 OP June 3rd, 2023

okay thank you. we agreed to meet next week and talk more about stuff but he basically said he won’t be ready to start things again for a long time.

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bestVase7265 June 4th, 2023

That makes sense. If he wants distance, you have to honor that no matter how bad it hurts. Thinking about other stuff helps. @throwaway004

1 reply
throwaway004 OP June 4th, 2023

yeah it just sucks though cause i told him i don’t want anyone else and when we meet i want to tell him i’ll wait as long as i have to. he said he talked to his exes mom bc she’s like a mom to him and she said her daughter has been messed up and so anxious whenever she wasn’t with him which is ironic because the same thing is happening to me. he said he won’t be able to start things over “for a long *** time” and in one of the voice memos i think he said something like he just needs to be alone. i don’t care about finding anyone else though.

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bestVase7265 June 5th, 2023

Then don't be looking for anyone else, but find your happiness within you. When you are more happy with you and don't feel a need to have him "complete" you, then you start being more confident which anyone will find more appealing.

This is why finding activities that interest you is the best thing that you can do right now. You need to escape the relationship script that your mind has you set into. Are you getting outside walking at all?

3 replies
throwaway004 OP June 6th, 2023

i’ve just never been confident to begin with. this would’ve been my first relationship but it didn’t happen it seemed so real and so close though. i have been outside and just took a long walk on a trail with one of my friends a couple days ago but that only does so much. as soon as i leave i’m back to how i am even with my friends i don’t feel in the moment.

3 replies
bestVase7265 June 7th, 2023

Walk outside daily. It has to become a pattern even if it is just walking the neighborhood. Or start doing some meditation exercises. Different things work for different people. Even some time watching videos online counts.

But your brain is lying to you when it says "this only helps for a few minutes." It wants to throw you off the track of healing and keep in the pit of despair. When I was in the same spot, I had to work to say to myself that 15 minutes of peace was a victory. Once I began saying that to myself over and over then 15 minutes of ok became 30 which then increased to a few hours and kept moving upwards. @throwaway004

3 replies
throwaway004 OP June 7th, 2023

okay thank you

3 replies
bestVase7265 June 8th, 2023

Sending you strength and peace today. You can do this. @throwaway004

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bestVase7265 June 9th, 2023

I know so. People are always much stronger than they give themselves credit for. You can't see the path ahead and that is really hard. But there is one. @throwaway004

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bestVase7265 June 10th, 2023

I know that you are struggling, but you are more likely to be able to start a friendship again at some point if you keep away entirely for a while. You are more than any relationship that you have. Focus on you as often as possible.

6 replies
throwaway004 OP June 10th, 2023

okay i hope we can at least be friends but i want more if possible i don’t want to see him with anyone else

5 replies
bestVase7265 June 11th, 2023

What would happen if you spent some time imagining that he doesn't exist anymore? That is the kind of distance that it would be good to create for at least a month or two. You need to be dependent on you first for your own happiness. @throwaway004

4 replies
throwaway004 OP June 11th, 2023

i know i just need him back. i deleted *** so i can’t look at his stories or posts or even profile at all.

3 replies
bestVase7265 June 12th, 2023

I am glad that you deleted social media sites. That is really helpful. Keep working on creating that distance. It will make you need him less which will make you happier in the long run. @throwaway004

2 replies
throwaway004 OP June 12th, 2023

so i did a bad thing and redownloaded it to text him…

throwaway004 OP June 12th, 2023

also just got fired from my new job with no explanation so that’s great!

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bestVase7265 June 13th, 2023

Sorry about the job. It can be a hard market sometimes. I would focus on finding a new job for a bit.

3 replies
throwaway004 OP June 13th, 2023

thank you :/ i might just take a break for a bit

2 replies
bestVase7265 June 14th, 2023

I am always here to throw ideas off when you need to. @throwaway004

1 reply
throwaway004 OP June 14th, 2023

i appreciate it lots

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