A break from depression and 7cups.

There's a reason I keep to myself and don't bother with anyone is bcuz people have treated me very badly. From starting primary school from ages 7 to 11 I was bullied bcuz of who I was. Name calling, getting attacked emotionally and having things thrown at me at primary school. Then from 11 to 15 at high school people would target me bcuz I was the largest and biggest in the school. Highschool was awful. I've been attacked, had glass bottles at my face, had been beaten badly once by 30+ kids for minding my own business. I've kept to myself bcuz this is how i thought this was a normal but knew it was wrong. I wouldn't go near anyone bcuz my mind would change. At lunch I stood in a corner to keep away but I stuck out to many people to be an average target. And at home at the time we was struggling. We had family members use our home as it was there property, people would walk in without knocking and we was always on edge incase a certain someone came to visit to emotionally abuse us. Hence I kept in my old bedroom where I could escape everything what was going on. I didn't like it. Kids would throw stones at the window and at winter would throw snowballs to scare us. It worked. Then by 15 I stopped going to school. I put my mother through some stress and it led to her drinking and going to family who used her for money. Later I would find out her own aunt beat her for fun whom got away with. When I found out i was absolutely furious,  Angry and went nuts. I started losing my temper at 16 and stepping in when they raised thier voice at me or my mother. And It wasn't pleasant. However I was the only man of the house by then and had to stand up for things when they used us. So when people asked for money from us or would steal I'd stand in. I was anxious but I had to help my mother. I never grew up with a man or anything so I had women around me growing up. So being raised by women was a Godsend. Best parenting I ever had. I was a spoiled child. And even used to scream and shout if I didn't get anything but I stopped it when I had been told a few home truths. And I learned my lesson and stopped it, even tho it took a while and long time I learned my lesson. And I admit I acted like a brat when I was like that. I hold my hands up 100% about it. But through that time I was dealing with what I know to be 'depression' and then 'anxiety' etc. It was young and didn't know what i was feeling. It was scary and I was lost. Sitting in the dark and in my room all the time I just faded into darkness. I got used to it. Then I met this girl. She was just perfect in my eyes when we was together made me happy did things together I took her out we did normal things grown teenagers do, went on dates I went to her home she came to mine her family took me on holidays etc then I got my 1st home I moved into i was in college by this point and the same happened like school. Everyone targeted me and wouldn't leave me alone, it affected my commitment with my ex and I walked out of college and called her and called everything off. I chose from then on I was going to live my life alone and keep away from everyone around me. And I did it was hard but I did. Thats why I'm good talking online it's easier for me. Bcuz in real life I would just sit in a corner and won't speak bcuz I don't what may happen or how to communicate. That's why when people ask me if I want to go anywhere I refuse I don't like going anywhere. I like to keep to myself and I'm good. But I do think I have some trauma that's affected me this way it's just who I am and I'll be like this till I find some sort of peace for myself.