Depression Support Check-In: December 6th-11th 2022

@kdsyahirah

Hi, kds,

1) From 1 to 10, where 1 is the lowest and 10 is the highest, how would you rate your emotional and physical health at the moment? Feel free to tell us why did you pick the number. Physical health is a 3 because I currently have a cold. Emotionally I am at a 5. I just started a new job and am off sick for a few days this week. I am looking into grad programs and my apartment is filthy. I am too sick to clean. I need to do laundry and am too sick to go to the laundry mat. My new job will end in mid May because that is the way it is set up, so I am still looking for a better job. Is that enough?

2) What did you do for your self care recently? I've been in bed since becoming sick on Friday. I've also been ignoring all the cleaning I need to do in order to rest. Oh, and I've been drinking lots of fluids.

3) How do you feel about this holiday season this year? It will be lonely as usual. My birth family is full of mental abusers, and worse, so I stay away from them. I thought I had a couple friends here, but they didn't even tell me happy thanksgiving on that holiday. I've got friends online but they are in other countries.

4) Is there anything that stopping you from enjoying holiday season this year? That's a good question. Nothing physical that I can think of. Mentally, I'm not healthy and struggle in life.

1) From 1 to 10, where 1 is the lowest and 10 is the highest, how would you rate your emotional and physical health at the moment? Feel free to tell us why did you pick the number.

I would rate myself at a 4. I've been dealing with a cold before Thanksgiving so I didn't go visit family, thought I was getting better afterwards but then backslid back into it. I need to buy more cough syrup or pick up some VapoRub. I'm also kind of dealing with some bad news about a future rent increase.

2) What did you do for your self care recently?

I went to bed very early last night and slept for almost 9 hours. I also took a nice shower this morning so I could wash and condition my hair. The day before I made sure to wash and dry a load of laundry so I could put on something clean after my shower.

3) How do you feel about this holiday season this year?

Holidays are okay. I don't really like the stress about giving gifts or spending money, but I'm sure the rest of my family understands that I don't really have much to spare.

4) Is there anything that stopping you from enjoying holiday season this year?

Not sure. I've just been stressed out and trying to help my mother the best I can. Even though she's actively disagreeing with me making the trip over to help her with something as simple as grocery shopping.

1. Mental health? 3. I just ruined a 5 year friendship because I gave the wrong response to the friend's family drama. I apologized the same night, and I messaged them only fo find that they blocked me.

Physical health? 9.

2, Stepped away from *** to regain some semblance of calm. Didn't work.

3. Eh.... Just eh

4. My depression for the most part.

@kdsyahirah

Hey everyone,

1) From 1 to 10, where 1 is the lowest and 10 is the highest, how would you rate your emotional and physical health at the moment? Feel free to tell us why did you pick the number.

_ My emotional health is at a 5 because my anxiety levels are high as I am dealing with stress from interactions with my narcissistic boss. My physical health is at a 7 only because of the heart palpitations I get when I'm feeling anxious, which as been like everyday for the past couple of weeks.

2) What did you do for your self care recently?

_It may not seem like much but I did call in sick yesterday. I needed a mental health break and I unfortunately had vertigo.

3) How do you feel about this holiday season this year?

_I love Christmas, it is my favourite time of the year. This year I have not been feeling the Christmas spirit. I suspect it's because of how stressed I have been at work. I am really unhappy at my job all because of my horrible boss.

4) Is there anything that stopping you from enjoying holiday season this year?

_ I intend to have a good holiday season despite how I feel at the moment. I saved most of vacation days so I can go on leave for the Christmas week and I am looking forward to that a lot.

On the scale of 1-10 I'm at a 3 right now .... my head is just swimming

1) emotional: I would say it’s a 7-8 but I realized just how badly I’ve been lying to myself about things so a more accurate number would be a 4.

physical: 5, my urge to take care of myself has been significantly dampened by my emotional state and I feel like im in a constant state of dissociation nowadays. Im forgetting how to exist like a person

2) going to bed earlier than normal to get a bit of extra sleep

3) I’ve always been really iffy about the holidays, but I can feel this year will be a lot harder. My grandfather passed away around this time last year and it’s causing me to not know what to do with myself

4) see 3

I really don’t care anymore. I’ve come to the conclusion that life truly isn’t worth anything. It’s just pain. It never changes. It only gets less painful. I’ve accepted my fate that someday my depression will kill me either through making me attempt again or through some other kind of condition. And I’m ok with either.

I’m sick of being alone. Being pushed around. Being left behind. Being full of frustration that nothing ever changes. The only thing that always stays is the depression. My loneliness never changes. Nothing I do changes it. Nothing I’ve tried had changed it and I’m genuinely out of options. Why bother living in a world that clearly i don’t belong in? And even if you argue I do, the loneliness will still be there.

@kdsyahirah

1) From 1 to 10, where 1 is the lowest and 10 is the highest, how would you rate your emotional and physical health at the moment? Feel free to tell us why did you pick the number.

2——-that is the standard level I am at 99.9% of the time. I had a peak of maybe a 4 or 5 not that long ago here and lost that high in an instant and am back to square one.

2) What did you do for your self care recently?

Trying to keep rambling here to try and maintain.

3) How do you feel about this holiday season this year?

For me I don’t celebrate anything. Though during my “peak” I got the idea about decorating a tree with the kind words that I have received from people here. I ordered a tree, got it , didn’t like it , ordered another and during this is when I dropped from that peak.

I even bought ornaments etc. trying to avoid the traditional Christmas colors.

I just can’t find the light again.

4) Is there anything that stopping you from enjoying holiday season this year?

other than the fact I don’t celebrate anything.

I don’t consider the tree idea a holiday thing just an opportunity to show my appreciation and gratitude to everyone here.

My issues are my hurdles to accomplishing this task. I want to do this , but that is not enough to get me to accomplish it properly and soon.

@kdsyahirah

Hello,

I am just catching up on notifications.

On a scale, my emotional health is a 7 and my physical is a 6. It is a work in progress. Emotional health wise, I am going through a patch where I need to survive some exams, so feeling a bit frazzled than usual, but doing extra self-care for the past few days, etc. Physical health, I have to amp it up more but worried since it is cold and dark outside, so I have been mindful of this piece. Once January rolls around, I should be ok on both ends, and maybe both will be closer to my usual 8.

I'm at a blank for emotional and physical health. December had been a busy month so far with work, and I think by the end of the month, I'll be totally exhausted both emotionally and physically. I had the first week of December off, and had been working since December 5th. Which means I'll be working at least 19 days straight (need to work overtime over the weekends), when I usually get weekends off. I'm hoping I won't need to work the Christmas Eve weekend too, but it depends on how much I can get down this coming weekend. This week, I'm working a morning shift, so my sleep is not going well either, getting in only 3-4 hours per night. Waking up at 5am.

As for self care, I've been taking longer lunch breaks at work, I usually only take the 30mins meal break, but the past couple of days, I had been taking 45mins, as it's so busy in the mornings, that I don't get a break until past noon. It will be crazy for the rest of the week, as a colleague went home sick early in her shift today and will be off for the rest of the week. So, we'll be short-staffed.

For this holiday season, I don't have any time off from work, except for the two Stat. days off, so can't really consider it time off, as everyone doesn't need to work either. So, I'm feeling a bit saddened. I guess it doesn't help that my work shifts is to cover colleague's vacation. So, out of the other 5 colleagues, they take turns taking a week off in December. That's why I don't have a break.

It seems that ever since I turned 30 (in my mid-30s now), I can no longer sleep more than 6 hours. That's why working these morning shifts, I end up only getting 3-4hrs of sleep. I find my memory has been affected during work, always forgetting what I needed to get whenever I leave the room.

@kdsyahirah