I was chasing experience with my career and ended up with a few booboo's, including a motorcycle accident and a car accident. I am stressed that my resume looks terrible as I was once a high achiever. I feel the weight of my family because I decided to walk away from a master degree program, as well. I felt so under appreciated at work, where my manager had a brutal personality disorder and created the WORST cliques with her senior staff. More than 10 nurses left the same role as I did prior to my employment. I stayed for 3 years, had great experiences but could not shake the feeling that I had a target on my back and that my degree program was different, less than, etc than others so it was easy to measure me out despite how hard I worked. My manager switched my role and I had such a difficult time with it so I left. I left at the same time as another nurse and I still feel so guilty. I took a pay cut and not a single friend or family made me question my choice.
I spun myself out a bit but still am of the belief it was a very toxic work place. I am trying to stay positive about the change in roles but feel I still hear my old boss yelling etc. I am the therapist out of my colleagues so I had to carry the weight of their distress. I was a young individual and am so scarred from the abuse of my manager. She was a vicious woman. You had to side with her as an employee or it was doom and gloom. Turned out, I was vindicated when the entire department signed a petition to have her removed. She was a liability and the institution did nothing about it, so unfair.
Cliques are scary, because it can mean job loss for persons who do not want to conform or believe we should. Life has such a variance of opinion, what to do, shall do, customs, etc that these options and variable points eat at my anxiety, regardless of how professional and capable I am. Job loss is real, and scary in my profession. There arent many options and its so unfortunate to be the new employee who knows no-one, feels unsafe, and then has to manage best practice of a new institution on old knowledge, fears, avoiding accidents or booboos and present with exceptional care. The relationships with others will always be a topic worth a therapeutic conversation.
Add family, financial, friend, or other real life trauma stress that doesnt quite feel like you're managing or having enough time to talk about with your own counselor - ugh, epic relapse and stress. Avoid the cliques! Be friendly with everyone!
I just wish backstabbing and fear of being released from a position was impossible in a unionized contract. We would be much better off.