Clique? 😮

@lightPrune1000 very good topic to talk about!

@Fristo

Thanks for commenting! Any experience you would like to share?

@lightPrune1000 i've faced this all through my school life especially, and that left me all alone, searching for my place. it's sad when a group is not kind n welcoming to those outside the group.

@Fristo

Oh that's not right. I'm so sorry you had to experience it. But you are now here doing awesome things! I hope you will never have to experience it anymore. I think the cliques things only happen in real life things. It is not something that we normally find in online or here? What do you think? Or can it happen here in 7cups?

@lightPrune1000 It easily happens here as well! But I agree with you, 7cups is one kind place where we are generally welcoming and supportive to one another, and getting better at it year by year💛

@lightPrune1000

in many workplaces i have been at when a memo like this came out ..... the item had already happened or someone thought it had....... MOST of those this memo should have been aimed at do not see themselves in it anyway ....... i have always referred to these blanket memos as dummy memos it is more effective to address the situation instead of hoping a memo is a friendly "reminder".

Now to the clique things does not matter if in work/ school/ basic life some people are sometimes not really included for various reasons ...... and often instead of dealing with why people do not chose to include them

they would like authority figures..... teachers/ supervisors etc tell people to include them

@toughTiger6481

I thought not including other people is sort of mean, regardless of the reasons.

@lightPrune1000

In a workplace example: we had someone who every time they INSERTED themselves in a project...

made bigger issues out of small things to make project look harder to supervisor............ did not respect other co- workers ideas......... and then spent many times making it seem as if they were in charge and should get all credit............so most people cut them out......... completed items while never mentioning what they were doing

person complained they were left out of meetings/ lunch invites etc......... why would anyone continue to be stabbed in back by this person there are many reasons why someone is left out .....

there is no one size fits all .....include all mentality assumes there is no reason someone is NOT included

@toughTiger6481

as mature people/adults, I think you should talk to them about it, instead of leaving them out?

@lightPrune1000

Like I said in a previous post many simply do not see themselves or do self evaluation ......

Maturity also includes self reflection and if a person does not have a working relationship with many ..people stop talking if this person approaches... etc..... the common denominator is ???? the person

@toughTiger6481

Don't you think they are human too and deserve to be treated well?

a person IMO earns trust and respect in workplaces .............not just Demands it because they are human ..........

IF they have created a situation where they are NOT a team player ................and the rest of the group would rather work without them that is not the fault of the group but the individual

@toughTiger6481

But that's not what clique is about. Lol back to the question.

Clique is creating an group/gang that doesn't allow others to join in.

https://www.insperity.com/blog/cliques-at-work/

@lightPrune1000

well in my experience the "cliques" in schools or work .................are again NOT defined but form in a more combined or shared interest type of thing .........

the group that gathers together at functions or does the meet up after work thing ....... yes the may not include some but it is not a formal fill out a thing and join out club .........

If your mention of memo from your employer refers to a set or named group .......................that may have applications to join and then exclude....... they have a point

if they are talking just some people who bond and leave others out they cannot do much past a stop or i will say stop again memo ........ cliques maybe in school named themselves but in work they form like school ....with plausible deniability

I like this question... it is not a one size fits all answer, though. This is and has always been my motto:

OUTWITTED

He drew a circle that shut me out-

Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.

But love and I had the wit to win:

We drew a circle and took him In!

— Edwin Markham

I make it my personal agenda to bring others in...BUT... some people make it very hard to allow them to continue to be invited them back. Thankfully not many. I can think of only 2 in my lifetime...one was a co-worker, another was a ex-boyfriend. Both wreaked havoc everywhere they went.

I have also been in the left-out category, sometimes for meanness, sometimes for good reason...I am not and never have been gymnast or cheerleader material, but I never really wanted to be. A third reason is a large group is too big to get a seat for dinner, attend a house party, have time for deeper conversations...ends up being just a networking event instead.

I'm surfing the forums and just found this...I'm a little late to the party...my opinion.....if you have a clique and all the employees are invested in the company, eventually one or more will be going for promotion. If someone from that clique is fortunate enough to get a promotion, it can quickly lead to corruption, nepotism and "taking care" of those buddies. Just my life's experience..

In my previous department I worked in, the most senior staff created a chat group, except, everyone in the department, even newcomers are added to the group. Even included our Supervisor. In that group, they mainly talked about events someone wants to hold (hiking, going BBQ, birthday dinners, etc). Everyone is included, since I left the department, I removed myself from the group.

My current department, it's too small to create groups/cliques. But I still feel left out, since I'm the staff with the least seniority, I feel the others tease me and take advantage of my standards of work. It's not right, and I've mentioned it to my Manager, but no changes had been done.

@lightPrune1000

I was chasing experience with my career and ended up with a few booboo's, including a motorcycle accident and a car accident. I am stressed that my resume looks terrible as I was once a high achiever. I feel the weight of my family because I decided to walk away from a master degree program, as well. I felt so under appreciated at work, where my manager had a brutal personality disorder and created the WORST cliques with her senior staff. More than 10 nurses left the same role as I did prior to my employment. I stayed for 3 years, had great experiences but could not shake the feeling that I had a target on my back and that my degree program was different, less than, etc than others so it was easy to measure me out despite how hard I worked. My manager switched my role and I had such a difficult time with it so I left. I left at the same time as another nurse and I still feel so guilty. I took a pay cut and not a single friend or family made me question my choice.

I spun myself out a bit but still am of the belief it was a very toxic work place. I am trying to stay positive about the change in roles but feel I still hear my old boss yelling etc. I am the therapist out of my colleagues so I had to carry the weight of their distress. I was a young individual and am so scarred from the abuse of my manager. She was a vicious woman. You had to side with her as an employee or it was doom and gloom. Turned out, I was vindicated when the entire department signed a petition to have her removed. She was a liability and the institution did nothing about it, so unfair.

Cliques are scary, because it can mean job loss for persons who do not want to conform or believe we should. Life has such a variance of opinion, what to do, shall do, customs, etc that these options and variable points eat at my anxiety, regardless of how professional and capable I am. Job loss is real, and scary in my profession. There arent many options and its so unfortunate to be the new employee who knows no-one, feels unsafe, and then has to manage best practice of a new institution on old knowledge, fears, avoiding accidents or booboos and present with exceptional care. The relationships with others will always be a topic worth a therapeutic conversation.

Add family, financial, friend, or other real life trauma stress that doesnt quite feel like you're managing or having enough time to talk about with your own counselor - ugh, epic relapse and stress. Avoid the cliques! Be friendly with everyone!

I just wish backstabbing and fear of being released from a position was impossible in a unionized contract. We would be much better off.