Update?
Howdy,
I felt the urge to write on here. BD1 diagnosis 5 + years and it's been a roller coaster, to say the least. I have been on a new medication Abilify for a little over a month with some positives like minor suppression of my irritability/anger. I have a doc appt here soon on the 19th with a new doctor (due to insurance) and am eager to see his thoughts/direction.
I quit my last job in March of this year in a severely agitated manic state. My unemployment just ran out from it (My employer was nice enough to lay me off). On top of that, I have 4 more months until my driver's license comes off suspension from a DUI in July 2022 (still ashamed of that) - so that makes a job nearly impossible until then. I fear quite often what I am going to do once my license comes back. I have a bachelor's degree and some experience in a few industries but there are gaps in my resume from 3 episodes in the last 5-6 years. You start to lose hope because you know more episodes are coming. The unpredictability of a work environment + the instability that comes out over time is a scary mix. It's not fun not knowing where money will come from or if you can even work all together consistently for it to matter.
Lastly, I am 28 years old and live at home with my parents and I am very insecure about this. Friends of mine I grew up with are buying houses... It humiliates me that I haven't been able to succeed independently, but I don't see it any other way with the severity of some of my episodes. These days, I journal and workout a lot. I spend time with my pup and try to keep calm while time passes. It's tough, but it's been worse. If you took the time to read this, thank you.
@CaliConfined
Forgot to add - I've been sober from alcohol + marijuana for 7 months this week. A must in my case.
Hello 💕 What is BD1? Remember too that work/career is ultimately just an aspect of your life and not a reflection of your worth as a person. The older generations are all about that rat race but ultimately it’s up to you to decide what is fulfilling. Is working from home a possibility for you? Neurodivergent individuals sometimes do better with that 💚 you’re definitely not alone, in whatever you’re going through.
@CaliConfined
Hey ...am glad you shared your experience here. I know it can be really hard at times dealing with BPD isn't easy. Sometimes you might be ok sometimes it can be really depressing hence its perfectly ok that you took gaps and dear pls don't feel bad that it's gap in your resume, I would say that's the best thing you did which was necessary at that point of time to take care of yourself! Yes it's indeed scary to be uncertain as you might be worried you have to take breaks like this which might affect you professionally and financially yes your concern is valid, but on the brighter side everytime you have an episode you managed to fight back and get back that really shows your strength dear. Trust me it's uncertain yet now you have dealt with it couple of times which equips you with knowledge wt helped you to get back and everytime recovering from episode becomes faster...so even though it's there you slowly learn to cope better and pls don't compare yourself with your friends dear you are much more stronger ! Why are you feeling humiliated instead you should be proud that though you were going through all this( unlike them) still you fought back and that shows resilience ..so pls don't feel bad and keep journalling and spend time with your pup and you are doing your best and you will be feeling better and more confident to deal with it eventually. Am really proud of you for you are really a fighter 💕 ..take care of yourself if it means taking break do it please don't feel guilty for taking timeout for yourself...for we all need self-care , rest everything can be taken care of once you feel better 🤗 you will find ways to do it ...
@CaliConfined
Hi, I suffer from the same illness. It sounds like you're taking all the right steps; keep pushing through!