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Silently Struggling: Neurodiversity, Career Transition, and Overwhelming Family Presence
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I recently quit a highly stressful job and was looking forward to several weeks of personal time for reflection, recovery, and planning my next career move. However, my plans for solitude and self-discovery have been completely derailed by an extended family visit.


Both of my parents are staying with me for a family gathering. While I knew about the event, I wasn't consulted on the length of their stay, which is significantly longer than I anticipated or feel comfortable with. This visit coincides with what I had hoped would be a crucial period of personal and professional development before I start my job search.


Adding to the complexity, I strongly suspect I may have Type I ASD and ADHD, but I haven't shared this with my family. I've been high-masking for years, and they're completely unaware of my struggles. They often misinterpret my need for alone time as being ornery or standoffish.


With my parents here, I'm finding it nearly impossible to get the quiet time I need to process my career transition and explore my neurodivergent traits. My mom, in particular, is constantly trying to engage with me or involve me in family activities. While I appreciate her intentions, her presence is overwhelming, and I'm struggling to find moments of peace even in my own home.


I feel trapped because I can't discuss this with my friends. Most of them don't have both parents, and I fear they'd see me as ungrateful if I expressed my frustration. My boyfriend, who is likely neurodivergent himself (possibly AuDHD and mildly narcissistic), means well but doesn't fully understand my situation either.


I can't openly express my need for space or explain my suspicions about being neurodivergent without raising questions I'm not prepared to answer. Has anyone dealt with a similar situation where family obligations clash with a critical period of personal growth and self-discovery, especially when you're masking neurodiversity, navigating a major life transition, and feeling unable to confide in those closest to you?

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limegreenpapaya9090 OP July 20th
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@limegreenpapaya9090

yes, yes, and yes. It's hard and I'm sorry you're going through this and it's true it's hard to find people to trust. Many autistic people go through a lot alone. I hope knowing other people feel the same way helps you feel less alone.

politeComputer8612 August 9th
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I have been there constantly. I hope you get more time about yourself. It is hard for people not to get you or to understand fully your needs (at least your needs for privacy), which provides emotional space for being more open. Don’t forget that ADHD and autism together can create some communication barriers that other people don’t get it and we tend to overthink even when the slightest details and especially the fear of being misunderstood or rejected. We need more direct communication that can be hard for others to get that it is super difficult to do it differently, so my suggestion is to try to talk to the closest of your friends and explain to your family that your previous job had severe impact to you and you need some privacy and quietness to deal with the change.

Popsicle0 August 11th
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Reading your thread really gave me comfort, and I get the unpleasantness of your situation. I don't know if it helps, but I currently find myself in a very similar situation with no one to be able to express my doubts about neurodivergence to comfortably without being questioned difficult things. On top of that having projects, deadlines, social obligations etc. I feel like my life is too full, and I can't keep up, and cannot express that I cannot keep up.

I think you did the right move reaching out to this site to talk about your troubles, and I hope finding people dealing with similar situations brings you comfort and eventually courage to talk, or find another peace with yourself.

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@limegreenpapaya9090 I'd try take some comfort that the way you are feeling is unfortunately quite common and it is a challenge that others do struggle with trying to get that balance right between time for self and others.


I think I'm a masker, and give the impression all is ok but under the surface I'm flailing at finding normal everyday tasks harder than they should be. Don't have answers for you but do try take some comfort that you're not alone.


Unfortunately can't tell you to kick your parents out for your sanity but maybe try taking some walks or jogging or something other activity you can do on your own to try get that breathing space it sounds like you're needing.



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