unassumingPeach6421 Member Profile

Mentally ill people & people with learning disabilities. When did you realize you were "different"?

Disability Support / by unassumingPeach6421

December 2nd

...See more I wanted to post this thread because I saw a reddit thread with this title and I was reading what people had to say. A lot of it was really powerful stuff. A lot of discouraged people, confused and unsure of how to grow up in a world that feels so unfamiliar and even unwelcoming to them. I have to admit I fell into this category and it felt healing to hear the extremes. I always said I was a dramatic child but I believe I was minimizing my story. I can't think of anything I hate more than people who pity me. Too often I try to be an activist and I'm met with condescending "it's okay honey" or "poor dear." But I don't hold grudges about people who were never taught how to understand someone like me. I find that to be the most ironic thing. People with mental disabilities for hundreds of years were labeled ignorant. But I believe the real ignorance is all the people that never tried to understand them. The real ignorance is misinformation. I also have fallen prey to one upping others. Like "you have 3 disorders? I have 4!" I don't want that. I wanted to list my disorders here because they are going to follow me for the rest of my life and sometimes I just need to share all these crazy things on my mind so I can feel lighter. My disabilities make me human and I refuse to hide the most human parts of myself (even with all the jerks out there). I have: A specific reading disorder Alexythimia Interroception Issues Autism Low memory IQ Sensory Processing Disorder ADHD Combined Type Expressive Language Disorder Auditory Processing Disorder Minor Dyspraxia Seasonal Depression Anxiety I'm not perfect and even if I had no diagnosis that statement wouldn't change. I've been through after school programs, failing classes interventions, IEPs, hours of tutoring, sleepless nights, accusations and interrogations. I've felt isolated from people with my disabilities, I've felt alone surrounded by able bodied people, I've come in dead last many times, and embarrassed myself more times than I could count. It hasn't been easy. I've felt less deserving in my relationships. Buzzfeed said I was a creative that lacked confidence and they were right. I've been told I had a confidence issue by everyone that cared. I didn't make it this far to only make it this far. Even now that I'm coming undone by all my poor choices and executive dysfunction tearing at my seams. I wouldn't say this is incredibly uplifting I just want to say that I see me. And for anyone else struggling with their mind I see you too. You've come further than most people can even imagine. It's beautiful to accomplish even small things regardless of however much help it took to get there. I don't care as much what people think of me and it makes it easier for me to love myself but sometimes I like going back and remembering the past to realize how far I've come. All I've experienced gained and lost. Somehow I'm still grateful to keep living. A YouTuber I like said, "stop trying to make it easy some things are going to be hard depending on your circumstance it might be harder than other people’s circumstances. If you wait for everything to be easy first you’re most likely not going to do anything. Do hard things because you can." I am trying to do all this work that I put off and I came on here because I had my doubts. I also went to the reddit thread because I was wondering, is it this hard for anyone else? And the answer was yes. Their stories are so close to my own. But I didn't seek out people like me to reason my problems away, I found this information to give me strength. Yeah this is all hard, I get it. But it's my life I can't give up on it.

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