social isolation
all my life i just wanted to mean something. like i was making an impact on the people i care about. everyday i ask how they are and how their day went, but theres a part of me that feels like theyre getting bored with me and they dont really feel the same way as i do.
i know its selfish to want someones attention all to yourself but how can you get over someone who meant a lot to you? whats worse is that this person lead you on. and other than that, you feel too anxious to hang out with your own circle of friends because you cant enjoy things anymore like you used to. everything feels awkward.
you try to open up about how you feel, but later on the thought just sinks in. you feel like a filler to these people. and you feel alone. you really wish your friends would say hello to you or ask you about your day as well like how you do for them.
i think the sad part here is that these are the nicest people you ever met and you finally belong to a circle you can be most comfortable with..
you made a very big impact on my life they say, but a few months later they just dont talk to you anymore. theyll respond, but they only do it to be polite.
was i too weird? was i too clingy? did i care too much? maybe i shouldve been more apathetic? why would they call me their friend? why did they even choose to call me their friend in the first place at all? i wish i knew. i wish id stop thinking too much about it. so i just.. disappeared for a while. but its sad they dont notice