Super low self-esteem, people pleaser, who am I?
I am a 30 something woman who has a very low self-esteem.I always put others first and my worth is fulfilled only when people get interested in me so I look at what they want and try to please them. I avoided the social situations that make me feel anxious and want to be both being attention from others or not being spotted coz I was afraid I would do something wrong. Actually I am a good looking girl who attract men so I feel anxious when they stare or look for others whether I'm being judged by them. I judged the people and always think they all are better than me somehow. I like to be perfect all the time and lead the conversation to be I'm superior or inferior for external thing like knowledge, wealth, no of friends, etc. I think I'm not good enough and care too much on how people will think about me. I try to please everyone whom I don't know to impress them that I'm confident and cling to person whom I feel superior than me to feel safe and protected from the watching eyes. I'm guilty being like this and feel never good enough or tell myself that I'm a bad person. I have no opinions on things and just pleasing people make me feel worthwhile. What should I do to start quitting feeling bad about myself and can socialize well with people? Any suggestions would be grateful or u can share the same story that u have
@pinkPark4926 Hello, I am sorry to hear that you are going through this at this time. We are all here for you and were here to help guide you. If you ever need someone to talk to, I am here for you. You don't have to do this alone.
@pinkPark4926 I know how you feel. You are more worried about the worth of your looks and assets instead of say, intelligence or interests? I had that problem in my early 20's and that's why I didn't have a problem escorting after I lost a job. You assume anyway that men never listen, they just want sex, so why would they care what you like or how you feel, right? Well, that's a crock of crap and it damaged my emotions entirely, regardless I made good money for the "girlfriend experience". Now, I am 30, married, and still learning how to show feelings, vulnerability, and express my true opinions. After boys are done partying and having fun in their early 20's, then they look for a woman to build a family with. A woman who they can talk to, count on, and do things with. If you cannot be yourself .. things will never work out. I am still trying to find myself. Best wishes.
@TransAm85
Thanks so much for sharing. Actually I don't really mind on men so much and I have a good time with my BF now. However I feel that I care too much on the way people look at me and try to please them by creating an image of perfection and seek for love andacceptance based on that which is so torturing and I try to look for what everyone thinks about me. That makes me crazy. Loving myself is hard for me but I will try my best to do it.
@pinkPark4926 Well insecurity/self esteem issues usually have to due w/a person's past once they are an adult. Did you have issues w/your parents? I am not being nosy, I am just trying to relate to you. Myself, I never had both parents b/c they divorced when I was about 4 or 5 and my father never came back. So, my mother was always working, my older brother was always busy w/his friends, and I was left to care for myself and younger brother. That was another issue that contributed to my lack of expressing feelings. I had to be strong for my little brother and my mother was a nervous wreck, so I rarely discussed my problems w/her. Whatever is bothering you, you have to learn to love yourself no matter what. Everyone is different and nobody is better or worse than the next. We all have issues, but we just need to learn to love ourselves first and then maybe those issues will go away. People pass judgement so easily just b/c of where you live, what you're wearing, how many tattoos you have, what car you're driving .. who cares? It all boils down to who we all are as a person. Age, race, gender, religion, disability .. doesn't make a difference once you really get to know the person. I've met so many shallow, pretty/handsome men/women w/money, nice house/car .. but their personality was horrible. Shallow and stuck up and self absorbed. I go to lunch sometimes and I'm really dirty b/c I fix cars, but ppl must assume I'm poor or homeless b/c they look at me funny occassionally w/my Coach purse or when I pay for my lunch w/a $100 bill .. that's all this world has come down to. Material status. Love yourself and don't worry what those other people think. :)
@TransAm85
Thanks for your suggestions... understand your past experiences can create this feeling. I'm at the opposite. My parents treat me as over protected child and always guide this way is right or good or another way is wrong so I lack of self confidence and seek approval of everything and feel that when people treat me nicely, I will feel worthwhile. I always have conditional love to myself, feeling ok when I think i do it right, feeling bad when I do wrong or less than what expected, not perfect even though actually no one does it right at the first time. How do people will think of me... something like that and it goes on and on....
Recently I went to a business trip with my boss and feel so awkward in social situations. Don't know what to talk to the new people and was afraid to almost everyone. They are happy while I am not and my worries now is like I'm getting fired because of this and I feel scared of my boss but I know he's very nice boss and gives me a lot of chance. Right now I selected working on the table instead of going out to ask for what I need and have no opinions when my colleagues discussed how they will do the marketing and stuff. I feel inferior and hopeless... feel that it's all my fault. Not good enough. Feeling so attach to guilt and shame... pity of myself. I'm planning to see a hypnotist and will tell u guys how it goes
I feel exactly the same. I'll go out of my way just to please others and get acceptance. Also I can't deal with confrontation, I get all stressed and my voice cracks. I try to avoid any kind of conflict with anyone. I can never defend myself even I am right. I am 24, I have been like this since I can remember. I always hated the way I behave. The way I let others take all they can from me and then treat me like shit and get away with it. I wanted to stop all of this, but I didn't know how to behave different. And almost a year now I haven't really talk to anyone except my close family. I dropped my college. I can't even go to supermarket and talk to the cashier. It got so bad, so awful. I can not describe it. But I feel you.
@princesschelsea
I hope you feel better... you are still young when comparing to me. I'm now practicing meditation and mindfulness to at least distract myself from the symptoms. I feel better a bit yesterday when I go out and try to focus on the way I walk, left foot, right foot, instead of focusing on how people stare. You are not alone and wish us luck to break through this together.
