Fear of change
How to deal with fear of change, fear of moving, fear of buying house, fear of a new relationship, fear of occasion ? I noticed people who like changes are morehappier and successful people
Try to look at change, as an adventure. If nothing changed, that means everything would stay the same (day in, day out) that'd be a very Boring existence
@ChromeLotus I appreciate this answer a lot, even though I have such a difficult time taking this advice.
For me, I get stuck on the "what ifs", reminders of the past when things didn't work out, or even finding outlets to find adventure. Especially since so much of life often requires doing tedious things.
Any thoughts on this or how to reframe this?
@Exist56
Try to keep in mind Life doesn't require a 100% success rate. It's ok to try something new, and not hav it work out. When things do go wrong, chaulk it up to a lesson learned, and move on. As they say- "With risk comes reward"
@ChromeLotus Hmmm....I have been told I think too much in terms of black and white/absolutes. Thank you for reframing this.
Hi @aannkit Changes can be quite scary for many people doing something new or entering into an unfimilar environment but at the same time it can be quite exciting too. Something that will give you joy and happiness, a fresh new start, adventure.
@aannkit look at fear as a normal emotion everyone has. Change can be exciting for many, but most also have some anxieties and fear. For example, I was excited to get a new car but started freaking out about the new payments. Also, after 7 years of not working I have to now find a new job and even though it is exciting, I am scared out of my mind. Any coping skills?
@aannkit
"like change" sounds very difficult. I'm sure that an individual can see change as exciting or adventurous. But it's normal to see change as both thrilling and also scary- as the unknown often is. Maybe one way to take it is as one other member stated: "acceptance." We don't have control over change and change will always happen. Coming to a place of acceptance, and understanding what you can and cannot control may help with all of the fear.
@gongoozlersoup Understanding that I dont have control over everything helped. But what about the people ? people think that I did bad change, I was better before and i messed up, what about the guilty feeling of screwing things up ?
@aannkit
I know that it's hard, but people are another thing that we cannot change at all. In 12-step meetings, one learns this: "I cannot change People, Places, or Things."
Change scares me because the majority of change in my life for the past 15 years has been negative and without much of my own control or governed by circumstances I have created (mistakes).
Fear of change can come from consequences also. When I was young, I was fearless and wanted to do everything, go everywhere, and meet anyone. But, along the way, I did a lot of dumb and risky things. There were fun times, but there were also really bad and scary times. So, now at 31, I have a very hard time dealing with change. Like a paranoia problem. I went to Mexico last year for Christmas and that was very hard for me b/c I was so far away from home. I needed to drink to really enjoy myself! It's like karma. What you do wrong now, will come back to you one way or another. (I'm pertaining to myself not you). But everyone needs change or we will die a slow and boring death. Conquer your fears one by one.
@aannkit New things can be scary for a lot of people, but you do have to note if everything is the same it almost becomes a depressing repetitive mess with no fun or excitement, sometime in life we need change :D even if it's a small one, or a one time thing, such as treating yourself to a random day off to just have fun when you usually focus on working hard a lot. But to deal with these fear :o you could always write out the pros and cons of it and see if it'll be worth it and if it is then that might reassure you :D you could also do many other things similar to this :p you can still be a happy person without ~too much~ change ^-^ we all might jsutn eed to find the perfect ammount that shaked things up in a way we like it :D hope this helps :p
@Keanan When I have noticed that, I am not afraid of change when I am alone. When surrounded by family and friends then I get afraid. E.g when I am flying to another country, If I know I am going alone, I am not as scared. But when I know that I am traveling with my family I get very anxious and scared thinking about that ? Have you every heard of this kind of anxiety ?
@aannkit well maybe that's because of some specific things about your family? :o like some scenarios or things you just know ~could~ happen that you'd be scared of idk D: <3
@aannkit I relate to this. For me, there is less opportunity for conflict if it is only myself. The autonomy of being alone in situations like traveling allows me to plan things how I would prefer and I can usemy time as efficiently or uneffciently as I'd like without judgement.
That being said, there can be a sense of loneliness which can outweight the advantages listed above, depending on the situation and type of travel.
I guess for me it is more the not changing that scares me. Being in the same place were people have been mean to me from the start. As a child I was never afraid of change. It was my life moving around diffrent places. Then when we settled it was at a place that was too socially different. What I need is a change of croud. To not see those people anymore.
Change is what I need. When I was a child I moved a lot. It never bothered me. Then we settled in a place were people were mean to me from the start. Just seeing those people make me feel isolated. I need change to come back into my life. I want to start over at a place that no one knows me, so I can rebuild myself. I don't want to feel out of place anymore, and remember everything the kids my age did to me and still do.
@aannkit
Hello the best way to deal with change is understand that in life there will always be change. I am changing a career after 30 years; went back to college at 44 and am graduating this week with a degree at 48. Change can be good, somtimes a change is needed.
@sal202 That is true. Congratulations in your graduation.
