just another loner
i'm a male 22yo student, been living with depression and anxiety for like 5 years now
i passed through diffrent phases and everytime i think i finally got over it, the smallest problems will prove me wrong ..idk sometimes i feel super confident, full of energy , happy kinda .but that usually doesnt last very long and things just shift to the opposite of that rly fast.
i have a medical condition which causes me headaches most of the time . parents that will use every oppertunity to ruin my day and i wish it was just that.. they literlly ruined my life. had a bunch fake friends but they all left eventually, never loved someone that didnt cheat on me or left bcs they couldnt stand my negativity .. and atm no one even gives a crap about me . only one friend that i met in here
every single goal i made is .. blocked, out of reach so i just gave up.. all i want from this life is to have a small independent life. a job so i can stop getting humiliated by my own damn parents . a small house to hide in from this society of ours
lost intrest in every hobby . trying to find motivation to keep going but there's nothing there .
overthinking is killing me . ruining every single thing i had left, pushing everyone left around me . i just take a small simple thought, make a big deal out of it and blame ppl for it. i keep hurting everyone around me and by the time i realize that its just too late
i do push ppl away from me and prefer loneliness i do know that . but sometimes i dont, i want to be around ppl that truly cares, ppl that doesnt think that depression is just another excuse for not acting right, ppl that doesnt treat me like some kind of loser bcs of it
i'm sick of being angry at everyone . sick of staying up all night thinking . sick of feeling lost in my own thoughts .. not knowing what i'm feeling or thinking . sick of crying for no clear reason . sick of asking 'why me' and 'what if' . sick of feeling forgotten, abandonned
i never asked for much
i just a friend . a real one . to feel cared about for once