just another loner
i'm a male 22yo student, been living with depression and anxiety for like 5 years now
i passed through diffrent phases and everytime i think i finally got over it, the smallest problems will prove me wrong ..idk sometimes i feel super confident, full of energy , happy kinda .but that usually doesnt last very long and things just shift to the opposite of that rly fast.
i have a medical condition which causes me headaches most of the time . parents that will use every oppertunity to ruin my day and i wish it was just that.. they literlly ruined my life. had a bunch fake friends but they all left eventually, never loved someone that didnt cheat on me or left bcs they couldnt stand my negativity .. and atm no one even gives a crap about me . only one friend that i met in here
every single goal i made is .. blocked, out of reach so i just gave up.. all i want from this life is to have a small independent life. a job so i can stop getting humiliated by my own damn parents . a small house to hide in from this society of ours
lost intrest in every hobby . trying to find motivation to keep going but there's nothing there .
overthinking is killing me . ruining every single thing i had left, pushing everyone left around me . i just take a small simple thought, make a big deal out of it and blame ppl for it. i keep hurting everyone around me and by the time i realize that its just too late
i do push ppl away from me and prefer loneliness i do know that . but sometimes i dont, i want to be around ppl that truly cares, ppl that doesnt think that depression is just another excuse for not acting right, ppl that doesnt treat me like some kind of loser bcs of it
i'm sick of being angry at everyone . sick of staying up all night thinking . sick of feeling lost in my own thoughts .. not knowing what i'm feeling or thinking . sick of crying for no clear reason . sick of asking 'why me' and 'what if' . sick of feeling forgotten, abandonned
i never asked for much
i just a friend . a real one . to feel cared about for once
Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist. Instead I am a fellow participant on 7 CUPs trying to help the @ mentioned person below through a difficult situation. -- For immediate assistance with a crisis issue please contact your local authorities or call the Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
Greetings @mont22ha
I have read through your post and can see that you definitely have a lot going on right now. I'm sorry that this is such a challenging time for you. Trying to tackle all of these issues at once would likely overwhelm anyone. However, things may be a little more manageable if you try to tackle / address one issue at a time. Which of these issues is causing you the greatest level of stress? Perhaps we can start with that one and I will try to help as much as possible.
However, if you are able you may also benefit from scheduling time with a licensed therapist at your earliest convenience (through 7 Cups or one of your chosing). I look forward to your response. Until then be encouraged, trying times won't last forever. Blessed wishes
@ThisTooShallPass2016 glad that you cared to respond
therapy is not an option for me atm.. even if i want to that is . as for my problems i dont see a way to 'deal with them' .. until i get a job (which will happen after 2 years at least) things will probebly stay the same
when i do get a job i can start making progress by just . forgetting my family ever existed and have my life in control
until then, my family will still give me a hard time , my headaches are not going anywhere i will still be the same loner that i am . everyone will avoid me and the ppl that actually try i will probebly push them away. and i wish i can control it
feels like i got no control over my thoughts or actions when i reach some lvl of stress
as much as i want to be postive about it .. my problems.. they're here to stay, its not going anywhere anytime soon . and i dont expect anyone to be able to help me . again the only reason i came here is to find someone who can understand how i feel and accept me as a friend
Hi @mont22ha
In 2016 I experienced the most difficult time of my life. Like you, I couldn't see my way out and did not believe I could or would survive it. What I learned during that time with the help of others is
1. When I said, I CAN'T, I usually didn't even try to do what ever it was that needed to be done
2. When I said, I CAN, I atleast tried (and most times, I accomplished my goal
3. Fast forward 4 years to today, most of the things that I worried about DID NOT happen and most of the things that I thought I couldn't do, DID HAPPEN. I accomplished the goals by breaking them into bite size pieces and with much prayer, determination, and support from resources such as this.
3. About acceptance, I learned that the most important acceptance is self-acceptance and self-love.
That said, please remember that true friendships take a lifetime to build. Here on 7 CUPS, you may find people who will try to listen and understand what you're going through while also accepting the fact that you're having a difficult time. However many of the volunteers on this platform are signing up to help others through crisis moments so that they are better prepared to develop / build relationships outside of this forum. They also periodically struggle with their own issues. While I hope you find what you're looking for, just wanted to level set expectations so that you're not disappointed in the event you do not.
Again, I sincerely wish you the best for the future and pray that you see Sunny Days in the near future. Blessed wishes.
@ThisTooShallPass2016
i think if you knew the whole thing you would understand why i cannot make any progress with this right now. i cant devide my problems and deal with them one by one either
and i did try over the years . and the harder i want to feel better and be happy, the worst i feel when i realize that its not happening
i know that the stuff i'm worried about are only in my head, that thats how my mind is setting things up for me and that it will not happen . but you should know that its not enough to stop me from being worried about it . i just cant help it
and its not about self acceptence . thats not the case . i acknowledged it, i know what i am and i know what to do and i'm keeping myself together until that happens . ppl cant accept me . when you realize that every single person you meet dumps you after a few weeks even tho you care so much about others and how they feel . that doesnt have anything to do with self acceptence isnt it :/
and you're probebly right, a true friend might take a lifetime to build .. i wouldnt know
so i missed my chance ? cuz at the moment i cant even keep a friend for a couple months .. idk
@mont22ha
Hello there . I relate so much with what you are going through . I too have been dealing with depression for almost 5 years now. I am on meds and therapy also . At times it feels like every day is a struggle and constant battle . But , I am clinging on and trying my level best . I genuinely wish things get better for u . Take care man . :)
@calmsoulmeet
ty so much . i honestly didnt think anyone would care to reply
yea its not easy to deal with but i'm glad you're making progresss . i wish things go better for all of us
@mont22ha
Thank you for posting this, I feel as though I'm going through a similar situation ( I might be wrong idk ). There will be times where I am super happy and outgoing with tons of friends and then all of a sudden I feel bad, I don't want to go to work I don't want to do anything I have zero motivation. This then leads me to loose friends, I cannot maintain friendships for long periods of times even though I could easily make friends. I used to have tons of energy and be happy and for some reason it is gone and I don't know how to get it back. Sorry for going on about myself and hearing this is probably no help. But your not alone in this. Praying for you !
@jessicawhite022
no trust me, i do get that
at least you got a chance to let a few things off your chest .. yea, we're not alone and yea thats basicly how i feel every single day now . didnt feel motivated to do anything for a while, months mby
i did read about biploar disorder.. that explains a lot of things . the mania and hypomania phases, the depression that caome afterward . makes sense, you can check it if you want
i did push everyone away s well, idk i feel much more comfy alone, i need my me time .. but i also do feel lonely, like painfully lonely .. i dont want to end up like how my parents said my life will be . to live and die without anyone knowing the diffrence ...
i dont know what to say i rly want to make you feel better, i do wish none of us had to go through this but nothing we can do about it . only to learn from it, and try your best to move on.. still working on that tho.