My story..

@reliablebunny23

i am going through something so similar and this really helped me. I am sorry you went through this I understand your pain. you can and will find yourself again.

@reliablebunny23

Hi bunny, I'm so sorry to hear about what's happened to you as a result of this friendship. It sounds like your friend was dragging you down and his negativity is still affecting a lot even after you two stopped talking quite a while ago. I just want you to know that his attitude is his own issue that has nothing to do with you, and you didn't deserve any of this at all. I promise you're not weird and you deserve to be happy like before! There are people who care about you, so please don't let one mean person get in the way of you being your best self. I know it's hard and it's not fair that this happened but we're all here to support you on your journey of healing. Best wishes ❤️

hello...

idk if anyone's going to see this comment or not.. 

But i was just feeling low, & alone. and wanted to talk about all this to someone or just write it somewhere.. 

Then I saw & remembered this post.. 

it has been months since I made this post.. 

& Things are still the same? A little worse ? Or a little better in a hidden way? I don't really know. 

Life is just moving on. 

And I everyday get new worries, new thoughts about all this, which are all negative, I keep noticing how much I've changed, there's nothing I can do, I even don't want to do, I just badly wish it was possible to go back in time.  

I still miss the friend.. I don't know how to communicate anymore, but I just want to talk to that friend! Idk if I like him or what.

I'm trying ( while writing this I question myself am I even trying, or do I even want to try) to ..  idk what I am trying.. 

I just try to talk with people here. To embrace a new self ? No. But to distract myself, ( Tho I don't get distracted by anything usually, thoughts related to this keep revolving in my head ) 

I try to help people here, so that they don't go through the pain I'm going through, but even while helping others, I think what would my old self do/say in this situation? might sound weird, but i miss my old self a lot, everything about my old self, smallest of the things, they are a lot and I don't even think that it's possible to write them all here.. 

I don't want a new self. I want my old self back.

I keep thinking can't god send me back in time or can't anyone invent a time machine? Might sound silly, but yeah.

I can't talk to people irl about this.

And here, talking about this makes me feel bad, so bad.

My heart pains 

Life was so good before. 

But, Everything just changed. 

I wish it hadn't.

I wish I wake up someday and all this was just a dream.

Stupid me, this isn't possible.

It feels like I have ruined my life. 

Sometimes, I think this is a minor thing to worry about, and people might think that too after seeing this forum post/ listeners I have told this to.. 

There are a lot of things that has changed.. I'd never be able to accept it..i just want to go back in time and forget that all this happened... I want to delete this thing from my life.. 

I am not even able to study, I keep thinking about all this, I don't do that intentionally, but this is rumination, the thoughts related to this are always there. I keep comparing my old life/self to the life/self now.

I have a weird overwhelming feeling 24/7 .. idk what it is, but i think it's cuz of this.. idk if it's true or not

I feel sad the whole day.. i think it's cus of this too , it's true or not idk .. 

My life is a mess. 

so, I'll just use this place for me to vent, I find it hard to open up to people, both in real life and here on cups too, I sometimes feel that I'm being annoying, or that it's hard to support me, I can't even open up completely to listeners. Idk why. Maybe I fear judgement? Maybe I find it hard to explain? Maybe it's too much to share? Maybe I don't wanna be annoying? Maybe I don't want to bother anyone? Maybe I think they won't understand? Maybe I think they'd leave me in between like everyone does? Or maybe something else and a lot more reasons combined with all this? 

It's like I don't know how to tell anyone about my problems but I just want to tell someone, I want to take all these thoughts and feelings out.. I know that I need help, I want to be understood, I want to be supported. I want to be told what's the right thing to do. I want to have someone help me understand what I'm going through. I want someone to support me in my journey. But for that it's important to open up, and I can't do that because of some reasons which I too don't understand. 

I struggle with understanding & expressing my feelings. But, I'd try to understand & express them here.

As, I think I'd be more comfortable sharing things here & everything bad happening in my life is probably related to the thing I shared in this post..

Day by day, time is passing, and nothing's getting better 

I feel so alone. Everybody intentionally/unintentionally makes me feel like they don't care about me and I don't matter. 

But why? What's wrong with me? Why don't I matter to people? It feels like people don't like me.

And maybe because of this changed me. 

I knew how the old me was. I didn't need anyone before. I was fine alone.

I loved myself.

But now it feels like I've lost myself. And I am changed, I don't even have myself with me. 

I hate being so alone. 

I wouldnt have needed people to be there for me if I atleast had myself with me. 

But I don't feel like myself.

I wish I could go back in time and get my old self :/ ( ik i say that everytime, and it isn't possible but i just wish it so badly. )

It hurts :/ 

I was just scrolling gallery and I saw pictures from more than an one year ago, my life was so good back then, all these problems and changes weren't there, I was at peace, but now everything has changed :/