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Life is mundane
diligentFarm4007 December 27th, 2023
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I thought life would be amazing once I recover from anxiety - once I stop my medication. 

But it just keeps getting mundane and boring day in day out. I feel like every day I am living without any purpose. I was even suicidal - I feel at times that I should have taken some steps while I could - now I am fine. Now I can’t harm myself. 

I have the zeal to live at times but I feel that I am faking later. People around me - well my parents and some close relatives still are cautious around me - those who don’t know treat me normal - my husband is one person who keeps triggering my anxiety unknowingly I suppose. 

But I blame myself. I just blame my cold, I blame my stress at work, I blame fatigue due to higher weight, I blame not sleeping enough, not drinking water enough. But strangely, people think I am blaming them. I am playing the victim card. 

But I have just become so fierce that I don’t care anymore what others think. 

Life is boring - very boring - I have given up all my hopes and dreams and I am just living to earn money and live comfortably until the day I die. 

I guess life after anxiety is boring. 

4
Mya000 January 3rd
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@diligentFarm4007 

I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, and I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and emotions with me. It sounds like you've been through a lot, and it's completely valid to feel the way you do. Recovering from anxiety is a journey, and it's normal to have ups and downs.

It's important to acknowledge your feelings and not be too hard on yourself. Life can indeed feel mundane and challenging at times, even without anxiety. Finding purpose and fulfillment can be a journey in itself, and it's okay if it takes time.

It's great that you've recognized the factors that may be contributing to your feelings, such as stress at work, fatigue, and health considerations. Remember that seeking support from friends, family, or professionals can be a valuable part of your journey. You don't have to go through this alone.

It's okay to reassess your hopes and dreams, but try not to completely give up on them. Maybe you can explore new interests or set small, achievable goals to bring some excitement and meaning into your life.

If you ever feel overwhelmed, please consider reaching out to a mental health professional or a support helpline. Your well-being matters, and there are people who care and want to help. Take care 💚

diligentFarm4007 OP March 30th
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@Mya000 I can’t tell you how thankful I am to you. I just read this and tears rolled down a bit. My mind feels so light. 


I have been masking my feelings and telling myself that, “No, you’re not depressed, you’re not anxious.” Even if I feel a certain way, I just lie down and hide it all from everyone around me. 

I have not talked to my therapist since a month or more as well. I am going to talk to her soon. 

I shower once a week, I am not interested in music or writing which used to be my world. 

I am spending most of my time just thinking, fidgeting, playing games, mindless scrolling on my mobile to distract myself, eating random stuff. 

I am unable to think of healthy food or think of a healthy routine. 

People think that I am not concerned about my health. But the thing is I am - I just don’t know how to help myself. 

People - including my husband - tell me I am not trying. But what they can’t see is I don’t know how to try - I am helpless. 

Those who have dealt with it - know that - anxiety and depression cast a fog on your brain and long term use of medicines do no good to alleviate it. 

You tend to think of the past and regret. You switch from one task to another hastily not knowing how to prioritize. 

Although I would acknowledge I am much better now than before, still it is a life long struggle and support is much needed which I am afraid to ask for now from everyone around me. 

I’ll continue with my therapy sessions secretly so as to get better and not let the world know that I am struggling. 

I can always tell you guys. Thanks a lot for being there. 

Love, 
Farm. 
Mya000 April 1st
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@diligentFarm4007 Your words touch me deeply, and I want you to know how much strength and courage it takes to share what you're going through. It's okay to feel overwhelmed, lost, or unsure of how to navigate your emotions, it's all part of the journey.

I'm very glad to hear that you're planning to talk to your therapist soon. Opening up about your struggles, even if it's difficult, can lead to breakthroughs and positive changes.

It's understandable to feel disconnected from activities you once loved when you're struggling with anxiety and depression. Please be gentle with yourself during this time. Your worth is not defined by your productivity or interests.

It's okay to take small steps towards building healthier habits, and it's okay to ask for support along the way. You are worthy of compassion and understanding, especially from those closest to you.

Thank you for trusting us with your thoughts and feelings. Take good care, and remember that I'm here whenever you need someone to talk to.

AmyPondd May 8th
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I hear you. And Mya gave you great advice.
It sounds like you've been through a lot, and it's completely understandable to have had high hopes for life after overcoming anxiety.
It must be really challenging to feel like each day is just blending into the next, and to struggle with feelings of purposelessness.
The fact that you've experienced suicidal thoughts is incredibly tough, and I'm relieved to hear that you're currently safe.
It's also difficult to navigate relationships with loved ones who may not fully understand what you're going through, especially when they unintentionally trigger your anxiety.
It's brave of you to share your feelings and to acknowledge that you're not concerned about what others think anymore. While it may feel like life is boring and you've given up on your hopes and dreams, I want you to know that you're not alone in feeling this way. It's okay to feel lost and uncertain about the future. 
You're still worthy of love, support, and happiness, and there are people who care about you and want to help you through this difficult time. You deserve to live a fulfilling and purposeful life, and I believe that you have the strength to overcome these challenges.
Life comes in periods. And sometimes they are really rough. And sometimes before a great gift, we are given a big challenge. 
Keep walking! We are here to encourage you.
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