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Hello I'm Ember
I've been suffering from anxiety since I was very young. Its only in the last couple years that I've come realize just how deep it goes, and it seems to get worse the older I get. I find I can no longer do things that I used to be able to because I get so upset I have a panic attack.
I'm thankful I found this place.
Greetings, I just recently discovered this site and forum through a (lucky perhaps) browse a few days ago. Here's hoping it can help me decipher what is going on in my own core. I apologize beforehand for the long essay....
I recently discovered my sudden changes in behavior compared to what I was like years ago. Im aware of my shy and serious personality, but It has become more vibrant and present in my daily life and the problem is.... its creeping me out.
Ever since I can remember, my reserved personality has forbidden me to make friends, my mother points it out ot me like a superpower: "Its like you create an invisible barrier around to protect you and isolate from others", she would say.
I knew I was somehow "afraid" of people and certain situations.
During school or family reunions, I distance myself from strangers trying to get to know me, unconsciously.
I tremble if someone asks me something out of a single joke because I really don't know how to cope with their humor or "vibe".
I've even cried during competitions or games, feeling the overwhelming gazes around me.
Ive been raised to only care about doing "well" at school, During my years in elementary, middle and high school I was deemed a disciplined, thoughtful and star student by my teachers, classmates and family members. The issue here is that I did not feel that way... and that's when it all went spiral for me.
I got enrolled in th IB program for my last 2 years of high school. With my history of stress and anxiety, I know even question how I managed to survive that without blacking out. I can still remember the restless days and nights when I cried and sobbed while doing my homework, studying and trying to ease my senses, gently picking myself up, hearing the sounds of my two sides of the mind, each giving me either a cry of despair: "See? you can't keep up with this! Just quit, nobody expected you to come this far anyway...", and the soothing voice of hope: "Listen to me, Its gonna be okay, keep fighting, you CAN do this..."
Long story short, I always try to listen to my hope voice, as I call it, sadly my despair cry keeps getting in the way and it almost shuts me down.
I think little of myself nowadays, I cry more than I smile, 70% of the stuff that made me giggle or kept me positive have no longer an impact in me.
I, wrongly, think or suppose what people around me, think of me. I feel Im bothering my friends, I feel Im a currently a disgrace to my family.
I hear them saying: "You are an admirable person", "I wish I had your brain", "Im really glad to have you as my friend"
And I hear myself thinking: "If what you say is true.... how come I dont believe it?"
Im grateful for their words, I should not be feeling like this.
I doubt my own abilities, I doubt my myself every day....
I fear everything and everyone. I had to makeup excuses at work for my uncontrolled sobbing and sadness to spare the explanations.
So, please, if Im being a burden with the long text or if Im in the wrong thread, let me know...
@acchanthefirst48 Hello there! I'm glad you found 7 cups, and I hope it brings some help to you.
I can definitely relate to a lot of what you said. If you ever want to speak to someone, don't hesitate to message me and we can talk more about it. :)
Hi I have moderate general anxiety and some social anxiety and moderate to severe stress.
HI there I'm new to 7 cups society. I thought I would give this a try before and actual group sitdown. I was going to be a first time mother, but sadly our baby was very early from us , a stillborn. I'm just here to find support in the comfort of my home before going elsewhere.
Hi. I have bipolar disorder with mania, and I suffer from very bad anxiety at times. I just got discharged from an inpatient mental health facility. I have been inpatient seven times now. Most for anxiety, some for severe depression. It just depends on how I'm cycling. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder when I was 15, and have been taking medications since then. I am now trying to take every precaution to become mentally healthy, and trying to stay out of the hospital. I'm glad I found 7 Cups.
Hey I'm a teen trying to cope with being on an emtional roller coaster. I've been having some problems with a few really close friends who don't seem to care about me anymore. I'm learning to be a good listener, so if anyone needs a new perspective on your situation, I'd love to help!
Hi, I have struggled with anxiety for a majority of my life. I remember when I was young & being in the car for long periods of times and having a panic attack unless I was sitting in the front seat. I also made my mom get off at every rest stop so I could go to the bathroom since I was afraid I wouldn't make it to the next one. In middle school, I began to be bullied, not sure what triggered it but people loved to pick on me. This has unfortunately shaped me into a very insecure girl. I'm overly self conscious of things that I say, so most of the time I don't speak up in conversations - if I do I feel like people are analyzing what I said, and will talk about what I said after I leave. Its a fear of mine. I want to be liked by everyone and that's why I sort of distance myself from people (another one of my issues). I feel like I annoy everyone and therefore, take myself out of the group just to make sure that everyone else it happy, even though I am not.....I have much more to explain but it's very hard getting my thoughts into words.
Anyways, thanks for reading and I hope this forum will be able to help me.
I've suffered from anxiety for many years. I grew up in an physically and mentally abusive home and have struggled to get where I am now. I get through most days by playing a part, pretending to be confident and secure. However, I usually feel dead inside and tormented by my thoughts about myself and my family and friends. Things also seem to be getting extremely worse and spiraling down as my relationship seems to becoming abusive.
@cowzgomoo i can relate to your issues. Let me tell you that with time and focus you can reduce your anxiety and depression. Then the bad thoughts about you and others (family and friends) change and you become more confident. You start loving yourself and that protects you from abusive relationships. Learn about boundaries in self help guides. You are not alone, and you deserve to be loved.
@cowzgomoo Stay Strong. Hope things start looking up for you very soon! ❤
hi im matt i am always very stressed, deep in depression, and an anxiety disorder for at least 20 years, (i am 24). i need someone to talk to and help me. im so glad i found 7cups, hopefully this will put an end my horrible thoughts. im lucky to have a job, but all ive been doing is hard construction labor for the last 30 months. my body hurts and i need a change. i need some kind of mentor. i cant talk to my parents about my problems, i haven't told my mom or dad i love you since i was a little kid. emotions are very hard for me. i act like a normal guy when im at work or with friends, i try to be perfect and i mostly just keep to myself. i cant hold on to a girlfriend for more than a couple months because eventually they will notice im not very talkative as i get lost in my thoughts with anxiety. i need someone to mentor me and help me change my life. preferably someone who is professional or trained with psycho therapy, or not i just need help. thanks for reading
@Mattalack I understand your pain. It helps if you find a professional, medications and therapy helps you to stay more focus and its always good to have somebody physically present to ear you, sees you. My therapist gives me hugs in the end of the session. Hugs are important. A 20 second hug releases the bonding hormone and neurotransmitter oxyctocin, which is a natural antidepressant. Besides that you have always 7 cups. We are here for you!
@MissHope31 I can't find a professional on my own. i have seen a professional from a regular local clinic, but i could barley speak. unfortunately she couldn't reschedule because she was moving on to private practices. Its hard for me to open up and i know i would get bad vibes from a psychiatrist because i would ask myself: is everything scripted? or is she asking questions based off what im saying? does she really want to help? or is she doing this because she gets paid? I am against taking medication not only because I will become dependent, but also because it is unhealthy. I would like to see a professional again, preferably a woman, i don't know why. I have looked up local professionals before and I couldn't get the motivation to call, im to scared. its hard to tell someone i need help out loud. There is so many of them i could call for anxiety/depression but which one? i would need someone with a lot of experience and knows exactly what to say, I don't want someone who gives suggestions based off their own opinions. And also how in the world could i afford a therapist, i mean they will be available to see me only if money was involved. which is why i would get a bad vibe from seeing a therapist. i can't do it alone, i need your help :(
@Mattalack I can relate to your problems about getting professional help. It can be hard to trust the world, when we are hurt. My mind works in similar ways. It took me a lot of time to ask for professional help (years). I am still searching for the right person who can ear me, and really wants to help instead of just prescribe medication. Since i found this site, well, things start to change. I started to talk on foruns and in the chats. Here you have so many listeners who can ear you without judging. You maybe dont stay with the first, but keep trying until you find someone that connects with you in the most beautiful way. The chats are very interesting because you dont have the person right in front of you waiting for you to talk. So in my case i took small steps. I only had one or two conversation on chat and it was offline. I start to feel anxious when it is on real time, hopefully my listener caught me on real time the second time i send him a message and it was great. I also signed up as a listener, but i am a little afraid, i confess because i dont want to say anything wrong to the person that needs help. I smiled (with my heart) when you said you need my help. It is so nice to ear that. I can hear you gladly. Keep hope in your heart. Lots of love and smiles.
@MissHope31, thank you for understanding my struggles. i have found a listener who ears me and has helped, my self esteem is growing and ive been making better decisions. but there are still times where i feel i have a lot of negative self esteem. i am actually starting to look for a new listener, who understands me better. may i ask what your listener name is? or maybe you can send me a message. i usually get on here once a night now or every couple of days. I have a lot of situations that i need help understanding so i can tackle them in a positive way. thank you
@Mattalack i remember you and want to find you and for coincide or not, you have replied me again :) thank you for that. I am trying to find you as a listener but had not succeed. And also i dont know if i can reveal my name here as a listener maybe it is against the rules. So i will try to ask support on that. In the meanwhile please tell me something here, so i wont lose your track. And by the way happy new year. Kisses and Hugs. Lots of love. Peace!!
Hello, I
@Lokalai I have similar issues. I feel like my family did not understand my pain, despite their support. In my childhood my family always criticized me for being to sensitive. I am learning how to believe in myself and overcome all the critical opinions of them about myself. Besides that i leave my job because of anxiety, just like you has kept me from pursuing my career. However after finding this site i made some incredible progress, i even talked with some elements of my family and search for job opportunities. You are right any progress no matter how minimal it may be it helps. Keep the good work. You are not alone.
@MissHope31 Thank you, I find it bittersweet to know that other people go through the same and similar struggles in life. But hearing that other people are making good progress like you, it's definitely more sweet. It also gives me the hope that I'll be able to keep progressing in my battle with it too.
