Has your learning disability made it difficult to make friends and maintain them?

@Aayla  Mine seems to effect everything in my life.

@tryingtosurvive2024

Hi there, I can relate to your question. Yes I feel like my ADHD has created difficulties for me in making friends growing up. I will share a personal story of my experience for perspective. I remember how difficult it was for me to have and keep friends in elementary school. Back then (the 90s) there wasn’t much discussion or understanding about what we now know as ADHD. I was bullied quite badly in those years and had such a tough time. There were only about five other girls in my class mind you but I have often wondered if my ADHD was part of the reason why I had such a hard time. My ADHD tendencies is what probably got on people's nerves. Things like not being able to pick up on social cues, blurting things during conversations or getting distracted when someone was talking to me.

I believe we can make things easier for ourselves if we can just be transparent about our disability with the people in our life, because they may or may not know the challenges we face socially. So perhaps just by educating we can circumvent some of the issues that arise in relationships. I hope that helps. Keep your head up and keep trying to form relationships because there are people out there who will understand and love you for who you are. 😊

@aCalmOasis  One of the things I have been trying for a long time is being transparent and open about it.  Sadly it hasn't helped any of my relationships.  At least not my relationships at work. 

Someone on a linux forum told me I was being disrespectful to him for using a user name called tryingtolearnlinuxwithadd.  Because they took it that I wanted to them to go "easy" on me.  Even after I explained that wasn't the reason why I chose that user name, He wouldn't let it go, and I eventually left that forum.  Seems that some people want me to keep it hidden.  That is one of the reasons why I'm on this website. Here I don't have to keep it hidden.  I can talk freely about it.

*Linux is an alternative computer operating system.

@tryingtosurvive2024

I am so sorry to hear that your efforts to be transparent have fallen on deaf ears and have caused you to be bullied and singled out at your workplace. His actions stem from ignorance and I feel like there is so much more that needs to be done to de-stigmatize neurodiversity. I understand your difficulty in facing these challenges and thank goodness a community like 7 cups exists where you can come and be heard and understood. If you ever feel like having a chat about it in a one-on-one we certainly can. Know that you have my support 😊  

@aCalmOasis  What is crazy about my work place is, I work for an Elementary School.  The same school I went to as a kid.  The same school that diagnosed me with a learning disability.  I am now a 2nd shift custodian, and can't believe how many modern day teachers don't seem to understand the negative effects of ADHD/ADD.

@tryingtosurvive2024

How interesting that you find yourself at the very school you attended. It is my hope and wish that more teachers educate themselves about ADHD. With that knowledge, they would be able to be more accommodating for those children and support their learning in more optimal ways. I am glad there is opportunities for this now through advocacy and I sure wish they knew about it when I was going to school. It would have saved me so much struggle.

@aCalmOasis  I have been working there for 22 years now.  I only work there due to my learning disability.  The kind of job I wanted to be in, rejected me because I am too slow for them.

@tryingtosurvive2024

Do you feel happy still working at the school? Twenty-two years is a long time to stay in the same position so I commend you for that dedication. I routinely changed jobs when I was younger. Now that I am an adult I seem to switch my career every four years. What were you applying for before you became a custodian? What are some of your interests and passions? I feel like there are many jobs and careers that are well-suited for people with ADHD.

@aCalmOasis  Honestly I have never felt happy working at the school, and I don't like how I get treated there either.  I get ignored.  In the past some teachers would pick on me.  Sometimes they would make a big mess and then try to joke with me about the mess.  I'm a Janitor, of course I don't find messes funny.  What is wrong with them???

To answer your questions:  I don't think I have very many passions because everything comes hard for me.  I am better at some things and not as good at other things.  I have always had some interest in electronics.  I took two years of it at a vocational school.  But I was only a C student.  When I landed a entry level job building circuit boards at a factory.  They fired me after 4 weeks.  They told me that I did good work, but I wasn't fast enough for them.  Next I got a job at a R/V place.  I was a person that packed replacement parts.  As a team of workers, we were supposed to put out a 100 packages a day.  We did put out a hundred packages a day, but because I was the slowest one in the group, they told me that I either needed to speed up or they would let me go.  My Dad advised me to quit, so that I didn't get another "you got fired on my record".  It was also during this time I was having a nervous break down.  Through vocational rehab I got a job coach, and she helped me get around and put in job applications.  We did this for a year, and nobody wanted me.  Finally, because my Dad already worked for the school, I got in.  To this day I struggle with my own driving.  My learning disability literally effects everything about me.  I don't leave my job because I don't believe that I could get another one.

@tryingtosurvive2024

Its not easy to stay in a job you don’t enjoy or feel respected at, so I give you credit for staying there despite the conditions. But you deserve better treatment than what you are receiving and deserve to be happy in your work. I can understand when those other jobs didn’t work out it hurt your self-confidence, but the optimist that I am would keep trying if it were me because who knows you could find the right employer who understands ADHD and is willing to work with you despite your challenges.

yes I’m sooo sorry to hear that. Uggh… my initial response is anger. Secondary response is resolution, could HR sensitivity training could be reported?

Omg… I feel so seen when you said….picking up social cues, blurting things, and distracted when someone talks.

I have to open up about my ADHD to friends cause it activated my depression symptoms which caused me to spiral. Some people understood while others thought I was selfish. So I cut those *** out of my life, even though it is still really hard. I saw some of them at a mutual friend wedding and I was soooo triggered. Still coming down from that high. I’m definitely hesitant about opening up but I’m taking control of my narrative to protect me.

@imtryingMybest21

Good for you for putting yourself first. It can be disheartening when we lose friendships due to our ADHD but it's better for us in the long term to have those around us that get us. There is no masking that way; we can just feel free to be authentic. Sorry about the wedding and how triggering it was. I can only imagine how awkward that must have felt for you.

Hi

@Bella1126

Hi Bella, how are you?

I’m doing well and how about you?

Yes mine has too, in many ways I ended up being in self doubt.

@ManaalKA

Agreed, self doubt is often what results from a failed relationship and it hurts your self confidence. I have adopted to view it through the lens of perhaps those people were not my people to begin with and at some point they would have fallen away anyways.

Not every person is meant to stay with you for your entire life. Friendships come and go. It is hard and requires the courage to be vulnerable to keep putting yourself out there to make new friendships but its how you find your tribe. It is the greatest feeling in the world when you can be your authentic self around someone. An alternative is finding a community online where you feel safe and seen, like we do here on 7 cups. 😉

@aCalmOasis  I like 7 Cups, but I don't fully feel like I belong.  I have been so outcast for so long that I don't think I could belong even if something was available that I could. 

I can completely understand why you would feel this way given what you have been through, but what I have learned in my own journey is that mindset has everything to do with how we can change our situation, or stay locked into it. You can't do the same things expecting a different result.

If you truly believe you could never feel included or part of a group ever again then it's likely that will be the case, you have already made up your mind. But if you were to believe the opposite is true, jusy as an experiment, that you are worthy of love and friendship then who knows what might happen. You open up a door of potentiality when you shift and react differently than you did before.

Shifting personal beliefs takes work and dedication but the ways to accomplish it can be found if one wanted to find that information. We can choose to be victims of our circumstances or we can elect to take control and empower ourselves. There is always a choice.

@aCalmOasis  Changing my mind won't change the people around me.