journal entries with miles
im not sure how to start so ill just start, im new to this kindof thing so just bare with me.
getting sober is like wanting to know the future but not being able to. On one hand you hope that your sober days continue but on the other hand you are a human being. one that will make mistakes and relapse. if we punish ourselves for our relapses we will never improve. we must accept our mistakes and just make sure that we are sober longer this itme than we were last time. thats all we can ask from ourselves.
when im on my medicine i never want to stop taking them
when im off my medicine i never want to take them again
just reply to this message for me, i could use some words of encouragement to keep me going right now
@waddmiles
Really appreciated your words at today's Sharing Circle. I was moved enough that it got me to share, which I normally dont do. Take heart in knowing you got me through another night. Thank you
ask me anything
@waddmiles Hey It's Linds from SC, thought I'd stop by and ask you a question as per your request. 2 questions: The first, Whats makes you happy with out fail? Like, no matter how hard life gets at times, is there something that cheers you up a bit? It could be something small or big? Just curious. For me it's coming home to my dog, everytime I walk in the door she's super stoked to see me and no matter what i have going on it always makes me smile. 2nd question, kinda in the same vein, What is your happiest memory?
@LindseyLobotomy
thank you for the questions!
1. my daughter.
2. ive been building alot of great memories lately but i think sitting in my garden makes great memories
@waddmiles You're welcome friend. #1 - great answer, that made me smile. and as for #2 I'm stoked for you. Thats what life is about a collection of moments that become memories that we can reflect on and warm our hearts. There are many more great memories to be had. Lets do one more question if you're up for it?
What Is The Scariest Thing You Have Ever Done For Fun?
sharing with you about the topic you choose project
@waddmiles
i made that giant post hoping i could help people, but now the rest of my posts get burried by it, i could say anything in this post because no one will ever scroll down far enough to see it
@waddmiles
anything!
@waddmiles
Ah yes the typical forum struggles haha. Though, do recognize that anything you say, may it be that big post or any other post following it, even if it's you saying "hello" is a worthwhile read, and helpful to someone.
P.S. We find our way to the bottom of our friend's lovely journal always :) Also thanks for letting me join in on the forum haha been a while since I've been on your forum, and I have to say I am proud of you :) Keep it up! You got this!
I know its been too long sense I wrote you last, I hope you aint mad man. I want you to know that I'm still here for you, even if no one else is. I want you to know everything is going to be ok, I know youre scared right now, and maybe even thinking about runnin away from your problems, But remember that when the going gets tough.... well you know the saying. I know you John, I know you better than anyone else. I know that youre the tough and I'm here to tell you that its time to get going. I want to you to know that a days is going to come when your daughter will see the work you do for her, even if she doesnt understand right now. And I want you to know that its possible things could get worse. I wanna be honest with you when it comes to that. I want you to know that I value honesty with you. But I know all the things you've been through, and if you can get through all that, well then life can throw anything else at you and youll survive. I know you dont believe me though. I know that you dont think you can do this. or perhaps that youre just scared of the pain its going to take to get through this. and yeah it might hurt but we both know the victory at the finish line will make it all worth it. I believe in you John, even if no one else does. sometimes people forget the diffrence in believing in someone and depending on someone, but I believe in you, because I love you man.
Yours truely,
John
Dear Thread,
its good to see and hear from you again! lets get into things!
im still kicking it! im still fighting and striving for better days ahead. I recently went through a hiccup with a breakup and a recent illness complication but i kindof saw this speed bump coming so im taking in with stride. im setting goals and working hard to meet them. todays goals are- (do laundry, clean room, write in journal, take meds, host sharing circle). ive been listening to alot of rap music, it keeps me going and fills in for drugs when it comes to keeping my mood up. oh yeah im sober now which is weird. each day is a struggle but im working hard to make each day easier than the one before. today i figured out how to put song on repeat on my ipod touch and i know it sounds dumb but it really made my day.
i strive for greatness. i dont want to just survive i want to thrive. i want to rule the days ahead. i want to accomplish alot and be on top. so im working hard on my self help work. journaling, self care talks, taking showers, clean clothes, etc.
sometimes i feel like im sitting at a table across from this monster, a monster that represents all my fears. and hes grinning at me like hes about to eat me. and then i scream in its face. like to see if i can scare it. because i know deep down it should be afraid of me because i can get rid of its pressence in my life.
@justmiles
Sounds like you're doing great. I'm glad to hear it. I really like the way you're treating it like a monster you need to put in its place because it really is a monster.
Dear Thread
the good-
im sober, and the seedlings of the next basil crop just went into totes. im doing good at work making fat stacks of cash and paying off lots of debts that i owe, i might be going to school again soon too. i have a therapist and talking to them is going ok. ive been journaling alot more which is good, im getting good at filling the pages with my emotions.
the bad-
im tired. on the verge of breaking down constantly. i work too many hours at work and i never do anything productive once i get home. i need to take better care of myself and my enviroment but i struggle with it so bad. typing and writing are so hard when im sober i really didnt know much i depended on drugs intell i stopped taking them. sometimes i feel like im expected to be happy all the time and then abandoned whensever i slip up on that fact. if i struggle even for a moment everyone in my life leaves. its like they just dont want to deal with me. i know i have support on this site but its hard when i dont have any in real life.
@justmiles
I'm glad that you can see the good things in your life. However, I also hear that you're tired and that concerns me.
Have you been able to do anything for self-care lately? I know you mentioned journaling but are you getting enough rest? Are you able to get exercise? Do you spend time with people outside of work? There are so many things that are important in recovery (which I'm sure you know) that I'm hopeful you're not overlooking.
Dear thread,
Its my day off today and im working hard to make the most out of it, cleaning up my room and my garden, hanging out with my mom, visiting family, doing hobbies, etc
I bought some coffee, i think it will help me stay sober.
ive been working hard at work to make extra money to pay off my debts. downloaded some new music today, the music really keeps me going. i met with my a therapist on thursday and it was a mundane experience. i dont meet him again for another four weeks it feels like forever but im hoping to get alot done between appointments mainly paying off debts. i think i might get back into art, i think reigniting a hobby might help me stay positive through these hard times. i know things will get easier i just have to stay strong and buckle down and not trip at the finish line.
recently i had to go to the hospital for a mundane injury but found out my health is suffering as a side note. my doctor says i need to eat better and exercise more. exercise more?! can you believe that. anyway i go to the gym next tuesday and ive been working hard to eat better what a drag no candy now? -_- sigh.
i bought new headphones to listen to music in the shower (my old water proof ones broke) so im going to get into cold showers again as a coping mechanism.
me and my therapist are working on emotion replacement. my meds help alot to keep me from saying things i dont really mean. my mom doesnt like how quiet i am though.
the new basil crop already looks sick i dont know whats going on. i think the nutrients im using are effecting things so i ordered some new stuff and we will see if it helps.
@justmiles
It sounds like you're doing well. I'm glad to see it. Keep up the good work. I'm rooting for you.