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justmiles
53 342,854 M Meaningful Journey 13
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts64,903 Forum posts49 Forum upvotes78 Current upvotes78 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceNovember 25, 2020
Bio

recliningfate gave me this rose -->🌹







Recent forum posts
the only reason im still sober
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by justmiles
Last post
 March 26th
...See more day 511 of being sober extreme TW!!!!! going into detail of hallucinations and drug use in this post as well as sleep paralysis! context- i love to sleep, no i really really love to sleep. i love naps, going to bed early, sleeping in, you name it. i just like to sleep. before starting the use of substances i had sleep paralysis (what i would consider "normal" sleep paralysis) i would have hallucinations of people coming into my room, the episodes would only last a few minutes at most.  i slowly had these small episodes more and more often but then a sudden change happened in my sleep paralysis. what i would call (sever horrific episodes) please dont say "it just feels longer when youre in them" because im positive these episodes would last hours.  at first the hallucinations were the worst part. it was like my brain pulled everything scary i have ever seen in any movie into the room with me.  second- the loops. i would be certain i was awake. i would get up from bed. even call someone to tell them i had sleep paralysis! and bam i would snap back into bed, frozen, with the nightmares all around me third- out of body- i would pull myself out of my body and sometimes make it all the way outside screaming for help fourth- family. i would hallucinate that my family would come into my room and that i would fall between the bed and the wall and they wouldnt be able to find me to wake me up. "help me help me please" i would try to scream but it was like trying to talk with a really dry mouth fifth- the voice. when i would be going through all this i ussually was really upset. like mad that it was happening. i once screamed out "none of this is real! this is all bs!" and then i heard it, a voice scream back "is this not scary enough for you?!" i never put together that the sleep paralysis was linked to drug use intell both stopped at the same time. its honestly the only thing keeping me sober. god it was a scary place. one i never wish to return to.  i truely think no words could explain how scary it was, this post doesnt even come close. 
sober for me now? what a joke.
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by justmiles
Last post
 March 26th
...See more on oct 31, 2022 my boyfriend gave me an ultimatum "put the drugs in the trash or youre single" i agreed, i dumped it all, and got sober. on feb 19, 2024 my boyfriend broke up with me anyway. sigh. my friends in my aa meetings say "you have to be sober for YOU miles, you were sober for HIM now you are sober for YOU" like what?! i dont have the strength for that! i did the drugs because im weak. im still weak. what do i do? im not sure. but im still sober, only god knows how. day 511 of being sober begins.
new journal entries with miles! 2024 here we come!
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by justmiles
Last post
 January 15th
...See more My name is miles watts and im a recovered drug addict with schizophrenia. today is day 441 of being sober! ------------------------- I'm feeling good today despite some negative things happening this morning. its hard to have your train derailed when you tried so hard to keep in on the track. but the beauty in that is that you tried your best and that you can keep going knowing that. so that's just what im going to do! keep going! i want to get my ducks in a row so to speak. work on myself and my health (physical and mental). work on my relationships! work on my finances! work on my spirituality even! so yeah bad news doesn't have to mean a bad day. today is going to be great. i just need to push onward and keep my head up!
New year New Miles!
Addiction Support / by justmiles
Last post
 August 16th
...See more My name is miles watts and im a recovered drug addict with schizophrenia. today is day 433 of being sober! I'm feeling good today! I start another semester of college tomorrow and I'm feeling very anxious over it. I have stopped dreaming about relapsing which is a pleasant change. My dreams are still very chaotic but thankfully they are of more adventurous topics rather then dark ones lately. last night a dreamt that i was a little mouse that robed banks to steal their quarters! I want to buy a set of journals off of amazon but dont have the money. i want to get a bunch of matching ones so they look good on the shelf when im old and they are all filled up! what a dorky goal lol. I decorated my desk with all my stuffed animals, hourglasses, inspirational posters, etc. (just little mood boosting things i guess) we will see if it actually helps my mood or drives me crazy with the clutter! XD I have started a new ritual in the mornings of taking my meds, feeding my fish, and feeding my sourdough starter. I have also started to call my brother who lives far away every saturday. its nice to hear from him. I really want to make a hat full of papers of each of my hobbies written on then, then each day off i will draw out of the hat and do that hobby, what do you think about this idea? how is everyone else doing? how is the progress going on sobriety? I hope you all are doing ok and know that you are important to me, and that no matter what stepping stone you are on in your path i am proud of you for being on that path. everyones path is diffrent all that matter is that you are here trying to improve yourself and im proud of you for that!
Addiction Support Check In: June 30th 2023 - July 7th 2023
Addiction Support / by justmiles
Last post
 July 2nd, 2023
...See more Good day everyone! The weekend is sneaking up on us thus its time for a check in! Here are the check in questions! 1. How are you doing today? give me a 1-10! 2. Do you have any plans for the weekend? what about the coming week? 3. Do you prefer birthday cake or pie? discuss! We need to make a new tag list, if you would like to be added to the new tag list please post a blank comment on this thread that says "please add me to the tag list"
11/3/2021
Journals & Diaries / by justmiles
Last post
 November 4th, 2021
...See more I've been working on taking my meds recently. its helping a little. people around me depend on me and i need to be able to be there for them. i need to be in good health physically and mentally in order to be there for them. i listen to songs to get me through the paranoid episodes. it helps a little bit. im just working towards those better days ya know. thats all i can do. all i can do is the best i can do each day and everything should fall into place or atleast thats the hope.
journal entries with miles
Addiction Support / by justmiles
Last post
 November 9th, 2021
...See more im not sure how to start so ill just start, im new to this kindof thing so just bare with me. getting sober is like wanting to know the future but not being able to. On one hand you hope that your sober days continue but on the other hand you are a human being. one that will make mistakes and relapse. if we punish ourselves for our relapses we will never improve. we must accept our mistakes and just make sure that we are sober longer this itme than we were last time. thats all we can ask from ourselves.
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